Comments

monica
Reply

Hi Jane. Your words are so insightful and inspiring. Went to GA this evening and found the fellowship very helpful, again the only woman amongst twenty men. Everyone was welcoming. Was so tired before I got there but a little of the weight shifted. Jane you have been very helpful to me. Tell me how you are. Day 4 for me.

monica
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ThanksJane. I made the same mistake 50 times over. I have ruined my life I know that. My kids have known for sometime. My middle son is also a gambler but has also been the most supportive in helping me to stop,… it is telling them I am losing my home. Even when benefits arrive, it is still too late as I gambled the rent money last Friday. I feel that some of this is now insurmountable, I have faced bankruptcy for the past three years of gambling with constant harassment by bailiffs, and it will take until I retire to pay off my debts and that is if I work full time throughout at the high salary usually get. It is the no hope that is getting to me plus the constAnt exhaustion that comes with my situation. Step change I know will advise bankruptcy. I think dealing with this debt situation for so long and the stresses that go with it is part of what kept me gambling for the big win. But this will never happen for a CG. I have won quite a lot numerous times but it has all gone back and more. I hate the part of me that has done this to myself when I could have kept the 3700 in my bank and paid the rent and a few bills. I know I will never gamble again, absolutely know it but my biggest concern is that it is too late for me.

Jane
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Monica, now that you’ve faced up to gambling and decided to stop, things can and will get better.
This decision has not come too late for you. Although it is daunting to face bankruptcy, it is increasingly an option for people with large amounts of debt, for a vast number of reasons.
Try to think about this as a fresh start, Monica. Sure your credit file will take a hit, but chances are, it hasn’t looked good for a long while, (if it’s anything like mine!) There will be challenges ahead, but you already had a very difficult time in the past, yet you got through it……abusive relationships, illness, gambling addiction and all the stress and depression that goes with it….The change to come will actually take the pressure off you, and help you rebuild your life, your finances, and most importantly, your well being.

You must let go of the guilt and the shame otherwise it will stop you from moving forward in a positive way. There is no need to bury the past, but instead of looking back with guilt, look back and see how you got there, what you could have done differently, and what you are going to learn from what has happened. Make the past matter, and the past won’t matter anymore! Resenting what has happened won’t help you recover from gambling addiction but self awareness, and a quiet acceptance of ‘what’s done is done’, will.

If you had kept the win and paid your rent, you might still be thinking about gambling. You may only have postponed the inevitable. Sometimes, what we feel is the worst thing that can happen to us, turns out to be the turning point in our lives. It’s just that we can’t see it at the time. Sometimes, it takes more to make us stop. Sometimes, we need to hit our own personal rock bottom.

You can take great pride and satisfaction in getting your life back on track and although you may not feel it now, Monica, you will look back and consider yourself one of the lucky ones.

Trust the person you are inside and you will be just fine.
x

monica
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Quiet on here today. Day 3 for me and I have been emotional about the situation I am in and spent yesterday crying. Later today I tried to get into treatment at Gordon moody and have to wait till January. I also remembered that God helps them who helps themselves, never a truer word said. I have been exhausted and very listless with the self blame still. I then got up and did the washing up, felt better from just a small thing. A friend then gave me 30 pounds which is 30 quid better than nothing. Going to a Ga meeting with it tomorrow. Have not been able leave the house. Strange when you do not even have a penny in this society. Still cannot face telling my grown up kids but will have to soon. I never want to feel this wretched again ever. It is gambling that got me to this point.

Jane
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This is all part of the process, Monica. We make mistakes, we then have to live with them, but most importantly, we have to learn from them.
That makes what you go through actually worthwhile. There is something to be took from all this pain and heartache and that makes this process something really remarkable.
While there is often a great deal of shame and regret associated with what we do, there is also the need for acceptance that things happen sometimes, and it is important to forgive yourself, accept that you messed up and move on.

Holding on to the pain and the blame, will keep gambling relevant and as soon as things start to look up again, it will be easy to start looking at gambling again, because you will then want to try to undo the mistakes that you made and gambling will seem to look like a good idea again, a quick fix.
It is really important at this stage to remember that gambling made these problems, so that it cannot possibly fix them. It can only serve to make things worse and entering into the cycle again will keep the past with you into the future.

It can really help to open up and tell people, but of course, it’s not something easy to admit. It took me a while to admit to my kids that I have a problem, but they are old enough to know that addiction happens, despite our good intentions, but also, that we can get better if we try. One thing we really need is support because it is also good to do this with someone. It gives you motivation, as you don’t want to let them and yourself down, so although it’s hard, it will free you up emotionally, to be able to share this.
Telling my partner, cut my relapses in half as I knew that I didn’t want to disappoint him, as he was so understanding about it all and barely uttered a word about the many thousands that I lost. It also meant that I could say, openly, that I was sorry and that stopped me from chasing losses in a silly bid to redeem myself.

So most importantly, Monica. Let go. To make mistakes is human, but to keep making them is just plain dumb! :) Something we all need to keep in mind.

Hope you feel a little brighter soon.

Andrei
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Well done Joanne I’m on day 49 gamble free. Keep going. Hope everyone is doing well.

Joanne
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Thanks Andrei, you’re a nice guy. 49 days, absolutely brilliant! All the very best to you.

Joanne
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It’s very quiet in here today. It’s nice when it’s quiet, you can gather your thoughts. I miss Loser, but I’ve only myself to blame for his departure. I hope he’s okay and gamble-free.

Anyway, still got my money in the bank, so far so good. I’ve got a good feeling this time, hopefully, 153 days gamble free on the last day of the year. I’ve just got to keep focused and stop larking around.

Joanne
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17 days gamble-free ! lol

Joanne
Reply

LOSER & KATE …………………… COME BACK TO THE FORUM ………….

I’M LONG GONE ………………………

Andrea Mcnulty
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Hello Jane your such an inspiration for many of us on here. I admire your writing & support. I was struggling too months back being on a vicious circle every single month. Until I realised things were getting worse. Getting reminders, phone calls how my bills were due and so forth. Sleepless nights. Feeling unwell. I had to stop for my sanity. Every thing is back to normal. I have lost £2150O in 3years all this was recorded. So I reflect on my balance sheet whenever I feel the urge to gamble. Stay away Jane it only gets better. Wish everyone the best.

Jane
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That’s so good to hear, Andrea. It is very encouraging to hear a good news story. It helps us all to focus on the possibility that things can get better, if we want it badly enough.
Really pleased for you. I have tried writing down debts and drawing up calendars, etc. I enjoy paying my way and I am weirdly enjoying the bills coming in, because when I am not gambling, I can see the progress and it spurs me on.

When I gamble, and the bills come in, I want to curl up because I can’t see any way out. It’s like insult to injury especially since I used credit in the past to fund my gambling. So stupid, but at the time, I would do whatever I could in order to bet.
There are days when I still crave it, but I am a lot more slower to react and take time to think about what I am doing. When we do this, we can see what a poor choice gambling is and leave it well alone.
Acting on impulse is a definite killer when it comes to gambling. I would get the urge, and within seconds, I’d be keying in my bets. It was crazy. Real lack of self control.
Fortunately, that has changed for me. I still might relapse from time to time, but they are getting smaller and less destructive because I am showing more control and restraint. Strangely as well, I feel that small relapses might help prevent a big blow out in some way because they remind me that gambling is harmful and hurtful, without the full emptying of my bank balance. They’re still not at all necessary, but it keeps the lesson fresh, until I am able to go far longer without gambling. Hopefully, in time, I will go months, or years without gambling and achieve my goal, to be free from this forever.

All the best to you, Andrea and to everyone.
x

monica
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I joined this site this week and I find it helpful and supportive, particularly Jane’s comments on my posts. Not sure who the narcissists are on here! We are al aiming for the one thing, to be free of this insidious addiction. Any support for how we feel on a daily basis maintaining abstinence can only be a good thing, particularly when you are somewhat isolated.

Ian
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Hi
I have been reading the comments on here for a while now and I am amazed how narcissistic some people are.
Surely the aim of this site is for like minded people to help and support each other in their battle to free themselves from this terrible scourge, not to argue and insult each other.
Please think before you post your comments.

Joanne
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Hi Ian, How’s about telling us your story!

Andrea Mcnulty
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Do you still want to give away your money that easy? We are not going to get back the money lost & some profit never. This can’t be the sort of business you would venture in for more than a year let alone over 2-8 years for some! With no sign of progress. Have a balance sheet of your income & expenditure does it look good? Let’s stop dreaming, we are living a nightmare life. Let’s stop blaming mishaps of our past. Dragging ourselves in sorrows & trying to solve by gambling amounting to more problems solely created by us. How selfish can we be? Nik, Jane, Joanne, Kate,Mat I have read your struggles coming to a year now. We need to change for the best. Let’s be satisfied with what we have & make the most of it. Fruits of our hard work share with others. Create time to pamper ourselves, family & friends.

Jane
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Hi, Andrea, I said the same thing to myself earlier in the week, that it is about a year now since I started posting, and I am still relapsing. It needs to change. I don’t want to look back and see the same old me, making the same old mistakes. I have to get serious now. I am going to make a real effort this time, to really get this sorted. I have had some really bad scares with gambling and I think the stories on here make you realise that you have got to get a grip on reality or the same things will happen to us too.
How are you doing, Andrea? Hope you are well.

NIK
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Yes Andrea, a perceptive post. If we look at gambling from a business point of view it’s an absolute no brainer – unless of course you are a big bookmaker. And then it makes perfect sense making easy profits from mugs like us.
If we think of gambling like that then anyone with any sense would never gamble ever again.
Of course the bookmakers are always telling us we shouldn’t look at it as a way of making money. They are dead right there.
Instead they tell us just to look upon it as ‘a bit of fun.’
They are dead wrong there.

Let ‘em starve!

Jane
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“Of course the bookmakers are always telling us we shouldn’t look at it as a way of making money. They are dead right there.
Instead they tell us just to look upon it as ‘a bit of fun.’
They are dead wrong there.”……….

Nik, you need to put this on the blurb for your book. This is a classic!

monica
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Absolutely right about the blocking software. I have posted about GamBlock. It will destroy your computer and the.only way to get rid of it is to reboot your hard drive and delete all your files. I have blocking software on my pc but can still access many sites and it blocks access to ga. How crazy is that? So they are not worth it. Can’t wait for the one sign up blocks all. Just will be too late for some. Hope it is international. Day 2 today ad feeling increasing concern about the awful situation I have put myself in. That’s when the self hatred sets in when you know that you have done this to yourself and you have to keep asking yourself what sane person would do this and what is that saying about a part of who you are? Before the cancer and the gambling I had only just started making a lot of money and life was looking good. Have had a pattern in my life where just s things really start to come together the rug gets pulled out in a big way by something, and that contributed to the addiction setting in. Last Friday 3700 in my account. Sunday 0. Pure madness…..

Jane
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When I was ploughing through two and a half grand in one session, I got to the point where I was so despaired, I was actually daring the games to make me lose. I was hitting spin and with each bet, I could feel myself crying out for it to stop. I think I just wanted the money to be gone, so yet another horrendous relapse could all be over with. Then of course, the self hatred comes, the remorse, the regret. I would self harm because of gambling because I felt like I needed to punish myself for what I had become. I didn’t know how to stop, but I desperately wanted to.

Sometimes, I swear I used to gamble intentionally to self sabotage. It was like a cry for help. I gambled in secret for years, Monica, until I finally blew enough money, that I had no choice but to come clean and tell all to my partner who thought I was having an affair.
I still remember the look on his face, when I told him. We were both shaking. I have never been more relieved in my life. Such a strange mixed feeling of elation and desperation all at the same time.
Things have got a lot better since then, the support is really great, but I am still relapsing, though with fewer and fewer consequences as I am much more aware of my actions.
I hope you can find your way out and make a much better life for yourself. It is never too late.

Joanne
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Well, I’ve had 2000 pounds sitting in my current account since Friday. I could easily play the slots via my Scotbet on-line casino account but so far I have resisted! Must be a record for me. lol Well done, Joanne, I’m proud of you! lol (I haven’t lost the plot!)

I’ve tried self-excluding from everywhere, but as soon as I find a new site, I sign up and I’m playing the slots, faster than a rat up a drainpipe.

I’m glad I didn’t install a gambling block on my computer, they seem to be more hassle than worth.

I’m staying well clear of ‘counsellors’, read to many horror stories about them in the daily newspapers.

Nope, I got myself into this gambling ‘shit-hole’, I can get myself out of it. Just got to keep focused and retrain my brain.

A normal thinking person doesn’t walk past a bookie and think … I’ll just pop in here and win myself a quick 2 grand. A normal person thinks, , I’m not going in there to be fleeced by that shower of b**tards!

Anyway, some good news in my email account …….. I’m getting another £75 back in compensation from a bingo site I shouldn’t have been allowed to play on .

mat
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Joanne you should install gambling lock and have other barriers, you think you can resist now but one day you won’t, I was determined to stop too recently 6 weeks without a gamble then gambling spree I lost the winnings and £1260 of my own money chasing losses, I went almost 2 years with no gambling then one day started again and couldn’t control myself that’s what happens you can never be cured its a very tricky addiction, something goes wrong, you get upset or even simple thing like being hungry or having headache can make you gamble, that’s my experience. Another thing I wouldn’t jinx about having money in the account, the next thing you are gambling with it and losing all of it, I post something then opposite happens.
Best to just give up access to you money and give it to husband or family for the next 3 years at least that way you can be sure you won’t gamble, otherwise is just slippery slope.

Joanne
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Mat, glad to hear you’re feeling better after your horrible weekend. You’re a decent, hard-working fella who has had to stand on his own two feet since a young age. Be real proud of what you’ve achieved, be proud of your savings and make sure you hold on to them!

Anyway, back to discussing the gambling nightmare ……………….

I’ve tried everything , self-exclusions, restricting access to money, and nothing is working, I always find a way to gamble.

I only know one thing. I NEVER WIN when I play the slots. When I play the slots I go into a TRANCE and I don’t stop playing until I run out of money. I NEVER WALK AWAY A WINNER. It’s not WIN OR LOSE it’s
LOSE OR LOSE!

So I have 2 choices ……………

1. I play the slots and lose my 2 thousand pounds or

2. I don’t play the slots and I keep my hard-earned money safe in the bank

I can’t drink tea. I am allergic to tea. If I drink tea, it makes me violently sick. Therefore COMMON SENSE tells me not to drink tea.

I never walk away a winner when I play the slots so COMMON SENSE should tell me not to play the slots.

Anyway, time will tell. One thing I can GUARANTEE I won’t be back telling you that I have won. If I get tempted to play the slots, I WILL LOSE ALL MY MONEY. If I get tempted to play the slots and lose my money I will be honest and admit it.

Take care of yourself, Joanne

NIK
Reply

Interestingly BWin have still not taken the £520 from my account which has been pending since Saturday. I don’t expect they will refund me now I have closed the account and self excluded, and doubtless it will be taken out later today or tomorrow. However if it takes them all this time to deduct the money it makes you wonder how long it would take them to credit any winnings.

I have finally begun working on my new anti gambling book again today for the first time since May and already I have had to make amendments to my introduction in light of my recent lapse. I proudly wrote I had almost had a gamble free year only lapsing once in January and that is now no longer the case. However I have changed it to I haven’t gambled since August and as the book won’t be finished for some time hopefully that will reflect a decent gamble free period. I certainly do not want to have to change it again. This therefore has given me another incentive to stay gamble free.

Jane
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A lot seems odd about Bwin. I can’t even self exclude from them, because if my withdrawal payment mysteriously bounces back to my balance, they tell me that I won’t be able to access the money and it will sit in my account indefinitely. I am told this is because the self exclusion will have gone through and been processed with a zero balance (because I already requested the withdrawal) and if the funds then bounce back, I can’t move the money until the exclusion ends? What kind of backwards way about doing things is this?
Again, more underhand tactics, I reckon. I have to wait a possible 5 to 10 days to see if the money can indeed go into my bank as it is being “internally reviewed”. Then it’s bye bye Bwin!
This is the most useless site I have come across yet!

NIK
Reply

Sure enough they have now taken the money. It says ElectraWorks Limit.
I would have been £1170 better off had I not lapsed this month.
Just five gambling session, two in January and three in August have cost me almost £1500 this year. I couldn’t afford to lose that on a monthly basis which is what I was doing a few years ago.

The past two weeks have been a stark reminder of how it was and easily could be again if I start stupid regular gambling again, whereas the previous six and a half months have shown how it could be and should be – having money enough to be comfortable. That is how I want it to stay.
I will never gamble again.
Let ‘em starve!

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