Comments

Jane
Reply

Hi everyone, hope u r all well. I’m typing on a tablet in a Dublin hotel with a nice cold beer and a cool breeze coming thru the balcony doors. It’s my daughter’s birthday, so we hopped over the pond for a few days break to the motherland. I raised the money for the trip myself and that process was very rewarding, it made me feel useful and like I can do something worthwhile. My wardrobe is a little bare but it’s time I put first things first.
She has just found out that Justin Bieber is a few miles away and she wants to go see if she can catch a glimpse!
Seeing everyone scurrying around the city, laughing and socialising, I realise how disconnected I feel. I can’t relate to simple things anymore and gambling did that. I now find life rather dull, and find myself feeling very much on the outside.
I am trying very much to get on with life and this trip was meant to help with that because obviously money could be better spent with all my debt but I want to feel normal again. I want to laugh and I want to be fixed and be able to feel part of something other than gambling but nothing is on a par with gambling. Nothing else makes me feel like I’m actually worthwhile and that makes me very sad inside because gambling is so pointless. I saw so many casino’s and countless bookies here, they were packed full even though it was a gorgeous 29 degrees in the city. Life is far too fast paced for me, I would normally head for the Wicklow Mountains but my daughter wants the city lights.
I apologise for my typing….I can’t get on with these travel devices. Well done Kate, Loser and Mat and good wishes to all. xx

kate
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73 days gamble free ( and smoke free too still) ….. no significant urges so far …..but .to be honest, life seems a bit duller without gambling. I have been re-watching the Sopranos …gambling features quite a lot, as well as other addictions …but there’s a moment when someone is losing tons of money and one of the ‘made guys’ says to him the thrill is the thrill of losing everything – not so much the winning, but the bigger thrill of the possibility of losing. This struck a chord with me – at my worst point I was losing around £2000 a week – I ‘limited’ myself to £800 a day ( actually, my credit card seemed to have a daily limit ) ..sometimes I had withdrawn some of the money back, but sometimes I hadn’t . Having spent my savings, I was spending heavily on credit cards. I was seriously out of control, and I have to remind myself what happened …I don’t feel safe yet ….I don’t think it’s possible to get into such a mess and then think it will be fine for ever …… but I am in a much better place. Need to tackle over-eating now! Combination of not smoking and comfort eating is tipping the scales very much in the wrong direction. Hey ho ….if we are addicted to one thing, it’s very likely we’ll be addicted to other things isn’t it – because the root cause is the same – filling an emotional/spiritual hole. Hope everyone is doing OK …. the forum is a bit quiet of late, but maybe we are all just ‘processing’? Hopefully, not gambling?

LOSER
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Hi Kate,
Glad to hear your still on track, I can relate to your post of life being duller and overeating, that’s exactly how I feel. Now that my project is over I keep thinking to how good it would feel to walk through the casino with $1000 in my pocket. However the thought’s of how shit I would feel when I lose it and how my gambling will grow stronger bring me back to reality. And your spot on with the emotional / spiritual hole I think no matter what we do sometimes it simply cannot be fixed as you cannot erase the past. Thus in turn makes it difficult to stop gambling because those emotions / memory’s are somewhere hidden in the brain ready to pop out and depress you. Yesterday I was thinking life is so dull maybe being dead would be more interesting, then I had a dream that some guy shot himself above his chin committing suicide. GEE WIZ don’t know what that was all about? It’s not like I am suicidal or anything. People say go travel, go join hobbies, go make new friends….I have done all that and you know what? Life is still dull hahah
Looking forward to celebrating your 100 day’s soon.

LOSER
Reply

Hi Mat,
Good to hear from you and you tell a interesting story I have never heard of your struggles before. You sound different this time in your post, more convincing in the fact that gambling really has put a burden on your life and your now starting to really realise this and I feel like your finally on the right track to removing gambling from your life. Day 21 is fantastic, take it day by day and keep going! If you ever relapse just keep trying eventually you will reach your goal of becoming a non gambler. If I relapse I will keep trying too because as you see I only lost $3355 this year which is pretty good for me. Had I given up trying I would have lost 5 times that much by now. I can’t believe you can press $100 a spin over there! Here in local pokie venue’s you cannot, I think the highest is $10 a spin but at the casino I think the highest is $25 a spin however if your a big gambler they upgrade your status here and you can enter secret rooms and get free drinks from the bar etc This is where the minimum spin cost is $5 but goes up to $125. There are 4 different categories here bronze, silver, black (cannot remember the other colour) Anyway if your a black card member you can go up secret elevator’s and apparently it’s first class, high gambler’s everything for free there as in food drink etc. I have never been there I think you have to spend $150,000 a year to go in there. I got entry to one level down where you would go into secret rooms, I loved it as drinks were free and even though I wasn’t a huge drinker I would take a few friends and they wouldn’t gamble but they got drunk hahah Also to not be seen by anyone else I knew was great. But $1000 in this room could go quickly, I do miss that room lol but the day I excluded they told me all privileges to this room would be gone if I wanted to lift the exclusion and re-enter the casino. There are a lot of poke venues here too probably at least one every 5km however I guess it’s your choice whether you want to enter them or not.
Keep in touch with your progress so we can all celebrate when we reach 100 days, actually Kate will be there soon!
Jane has gone quiet? Hope all is well….

mat
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Loser good for achieving 50 days hope you stop once and for all, I am not posting as much as there is not much to say, today is day 21, 3 weeks with no gambling, i don’t go to bookies, if I start thinking of gambling I quickly change my thoughts, a win would be nice not going to lie but it ends up costing a lot of money I can’t afford losing £100s in minutes as it takes me ages to make back what I would lose. I lost all my winnings from Christmas and not going to risk my money, I locked my account the one i get paid from work almost a year ago and didn’t lose any money from that time. I cant be broke as I have no place to fall back on I could end up on street if that happened, I am also self employed and work is on and off sometimes lots and other times less and i have health conditions too and i take time off every now and then so i need to have cash put away. I have saved about £20k next step is to save more and open a small business and secure the future.
I was never a gambler for a thrill it was simply my circumstances, first being a student, having no work, being sick, gambling was a way out of getting a quick cash injection as i could take no loans and when applied on benefits years ago i was told it would be many weeks before i get any money and it would be £50 a week so I didn’t even sign on once, i quickly had to get money from other ways like gambling or selling my things on ebay and getting a job quickly even partime
Bookies and other gambling companies prey on young people and people that are struggling giving them a false hope of getting money and they will make things even worse they are ruining other people too, I know people who are so blinded by this addiction they don’t even see it, month after month giving them all their wages and even after losing it all they still hang around bookies. The system here in the UK is really bad, peoples lives don’t matter its the big companies, bookies and profits first. There is lots of articles of how harmful fobt machines are and the suicides they cause and rise in crime yet no action is taken, they were looked into and review has been done for the machines to be limited down to £2 a spin instead of a £100 and all of a sudden it went quiet, politicians at the top got paid of by the gambling companies and they will never touch them.

LOSER
Reply

Gee it’s like someone stopped the music and everyone has gone home here on “rethink”.
Maybe it’s a good sign as people are not gambling and getting on with life?
This year nearly 7 month’s in I have lost a grand total of: $3355 , I have gambled 4 times only and 3 of those relapse’s were in one month alone! If I calculate how much I lost on a weekly basis here is would be $134.20 per week! I could have had a massage every week or got someone to cut my lawns for six months or more! I could go out for lunch twice a week! Losing $3355 I could have even gone on a holiday to Figi, bought a fridge + washing machine + Dryer. Maybe even a fancy new TV or couch! It blow’s my mind to what I could have yet I am happy to spend it on a few hour’s of staring into a pokie machine and pressing buttons!
This is how I try to think now, to understand the real value of my money and what it could buy me. When I get urges I try to think of how shit I will feel afterwards if i lose and how addicted I will get if I win! I also try to think what I need and how I could use that money instead and think, do I want to enjoy myself for 4 hours or would I rather have a new couch?
Anyway I am trying to not touch money coming in from investments and only trying to spend money from my part time odd jobs i do. It has been very difficult and I truly starting to realise the value of $50 now. I saved enough money and had my garage fixed and I am very happy, the whole neighbourhood could hear my garage sound like a screeching cat with a loud THUMP when it would close!
My diet has gone to shit and I think I have compensated gambling with eating junk.
I have reached halfway now and on DAY 50. I guess it has gone quick as I have been busy but the real challenge will be now as I have so much free time.
Going to do a John style now and ask WHERE HAS EVERYONE GONE?
Haven’t heard from you John, nor Mr X Gambler, Nik and even you, yes you Mat!

Like Nik say’s “Let them starve” and that’s exactly what I intend to do!

Loser (alias Dracula)

Joanne
Reply

Congratulations on reaching 50 days!

Loser
Reply

Thanks Joanne, hope your doing well.

Dracula
Reply

Oh I forgot to mention…
Thanks Simon yep it worked even though I have a new identity! :)

Dracula
Reply

Oh my god finally after I think my 50th attempt I have managed to post. Unbelievable! Is it real? I have to look again…….Yep!
I have no idea why I couldn’t post, I tried from my iPhone, desktop but nope nothing!
Thanks for your message Jane but in the end Simon suggested I use a new email address and a new name. So Dracula is born!
Thanks for the petition Joanne and for signing it Kate/Jane.
Now where do I begin?
Firstly Jane I would simply stop the gift giving. I really question why you do it at all? Are you not in debt? Simply tell your family we cannot afford it anymore, please do not buy us any gifts either. Suggest a Kris kindle instead where everyone buys a gift to the value of $30 then on Christmas day everyone draws a name from a hat and whoever gets your name gets your gift. That way everyone walks away with a gift, saves money and time.
You also haven’t spoken up and told your sister how you feel. When they complain you haven’t visited say, “When have you visited me? I am simply making the same effort now that you make for me”. Stop hiding your feeling’s expose them and see what happens.
Well done Kate smoking free and gamble free that’s AMAZING!
You have been giving out great advice Joanne, glad your still on track (forget the small relapse).
I am still gamble free….Day 47 now.
I have just finished a job and it has been stressful but great in keeping the urges away. I now have a lot more free time which is starting to create urges. I have noticed that my diet is up to sh*t and instead of gambling I have eaten anything I see. I really have to find another method of stress relief. Another thing i have noticed is the money I have saved in not gambling for nearly 7 weeks now. It amazes me and sometimes depresses me into thinking how much money i have wasted. I am thinking of new projects to work on to keep busy as during the winter months there is nothing else I like to do than go to that casino!
Oh also Jane you mentioned your never lucky well I am a bit like that too, anything i have is through sheer hard work but you have to remember sometimes you do have luck but you tend to not see it anymore. For example when you realised the online company’s owed you money, Yippee thats a win win but instead you reacted by saying, ” it’s not much anyway”. Start to really appreciate even the small good fortune that comes your way instead of counting the bad.

So glad I can post now I mean losing my counsellor and then rethink I was beginning to wonder……

Anyway Dracula is signing off
Till tomorrow

Jane
Reply

Hello finally! You’ve managed to hack rethink! Welcome back. I’m not going to ask why the ‘Dracula’ name….! What you do in your spare time is your business!
You’re right about what you say. I would feel a lot better if I spoke up more. I just hate conflict and what it does to me. I tend to just take it all quietly on board and then just self destruct. You are right that perhaps I don’t always recognise luck for what it is. After all, sometimes, we are lucky for not getting things the way we think we want them. Sometimes fortune smiles on us because things don’t go our way but we just can’t see it at the time? I know I am lucky to have a lovely partner and kids, and that’s all that matters.

I am happy about the gambling deposit refunds but I didn’t want to sound like I was bragging or cause anyone any urges, so I kind of played it down. I knew it would be a fair amount because let’s just say, I don’t play with pennies anymore. I know we have all lost a lot of money and to be honest, I really don’t like the fact that they have appeared on my banking again, even though it is a positive thing. Makes me feel a bit weird, having communications from them, but it will pass.
I guess it’s a case of don’t ask, don’t get. They should be more responsible, and honour their side too. We might fail to honour ours because we have a problem, that’s why we are asking to be turfed out if we try to bet, but sometimes they are just happy to take your money.

One payment has gone in the bank today and the other is still pending. I have no choice but to believe that the amounts are right because I can’t log in to my old accounts to see what I actually did deposit and I can’t find any more emails to see what actually went on. All I know is that they shouldn’t have let me bet. Funny how one site tried to fob me off though. I made myself laugh with my ‘I have been advised to ask for this to be looked into’…. I thought it might put the squeeze on them a bit if they thought I knew what I was on with!
Seemed to have worked….it was actually Joanne that was probably in the back of my mind to look, because she had a refund from one of them for something similar….

Really good to have you back. It’s rather quiet around here lately except for my frequent interruptions!! :)

Dracula
Reply

Day 47

Jane
Reply

Just a few little tips that might help Loser post, or anyone that is having problems with the site. This is just based on my own experience and many hours spent using temperamental tantrum-throwing technology….

– Whether you’re using a laptop a phone or a tablet, clear the cache. Go to your history and clear it back to the point where you were able to post. If you had trouble a week ago, but were able to post before, clear the last two weeks.
Sometimes even though you post and you think it’s gone through, the page gets a glitch and just cycles through without the command so it seems like you’ve done it, but you haven’t. If you are using a laptop, make sure all the check boxes are ticked when you clear the cache on Chrome.

-Try using a different device to post.
-Temporarily try another browser to see if this helps, as this can be the problem too. Eg, if you’ve got a laptop that came with Explorer but you downloaded Chrome, try using the original browser to make the post. If it works, then you can uninstall and reinstall the glitched browser if clearing the cache doesn’t work first.

-Have you changed your email address or accidentally set your email to block certain sites. You can sign up to Rethink with another email address that you might have or simply create an email address just for the purpose of using the site.
-Find an old email notification from Rethink and click unsubscribe at the bottom. Then resubscribe by attempting to make a post again and ticking the box at the bottom left of the page where you make the post. The one that says notify me of new comments by email.

I don’t know if anyone else notices this, but I often get the box up, where you type, but there is no ‘post comment’ tab to click or the email details underneath the box where your name is, doesn’t show. I often have to click ‘copy’ on my message, go back and clear my history a day, and then open the page again and the tab comes up properly where I can paste my message in again.
This happens a lot to me but you get to know little tricks.
Hope this helps. xx
Have a great gambling free day, everyone.

Joanne
Reply

As we know LOSER is having difficulty accessing Rethink ……..

So I’m setting up a petition ……

PETITION

Please sign below if you’re missing Loser from Rethink …

Joanne

Jane
Reply

yes…missing Loser.

Noticed that the posts are going on in real time again, so I thought that might be something Rethink tried in order to fix the problem?

kate
Reply

Yup, missing Loser too – wonder what the problem is?

Jane
Reply

Good to hear from you, Kate. I’m sorry that you are finding it hard without the cigarettes, but at least the gambling side of things is a little easier, so it’s not a double whammy. I’m glad you are feeling good and in control. It really does help to go day to day and not try to look back too much. As Joanne’s t shirt says…..that’s not the way we are going!
I’ve had an interesting few days. Did some extra hours at work and still doing some data inputting for extra cash. It’s handy because I can network from home sometimes, so it really helps with the kids. Whilst going through some historical emails for work, (I was trying to find a receipt for tax purposes), I happened to come across a self exclusion from Cassava Enterprises and for some reason it stood out to me. The reason it was odd was because I knew well that I had at one point been betting with other gambling sites who were run under the same license. I knew that because I remember seeing the name on my billing.
I don’t know what compelled me, but I got sidetracked, and ran a few keywords through my search bar and found deposit receipts for payments made to another site that was also owned by Cassava. I cross checked the dates and found that somehow I had slipped through the net and was depositing with other sister sites while I was self excluded from another, so I decided to send them an email.
It was a total shot in the dark, but I worded the email as if I knew what I was saying was correct, but really I wasn’t sure if I was, but I figured it was worth a try. I read the t’s & c’s on the site, and they said if you are able to successfully deposit with a site run under the same license, that any winnings will not be paid, and your deposits will be returned to you.

I got a message back from both sites involved, one was a fob off and said that I was self excluded and that they could confirm that no other accounts were open within the company. The other site involved said that they had looked into it and asked for my bank details in order to return the deposits.
Later on, I received two emails, one from each site saying that I had pending withdrawals for the deposits I made so it appears both are paying up. It’s not life changing money, because I hopped about so much from one site to another, but it’s enough to pay off some bills. I will get rid of the money straight away, and this time, I have told my partner straight away, so he knows to expect the money. I’m not surprised this happened because I signed up to so many. Sometimes I thought I hadn’t seen a particular site before, but then it would say account closed soon after opening, because I was already excluded. It got a bit silly, searching frantically for somewhere to bet.
I told them that I never once tried to circumvent the self exclusion by using false details. All my details were exactly the same on both sites and they should have picked it up, but they didn’t. Although, I breached my part of the bargain and signed up to another site, (without knowing it was the same company…I never took the time to check that, I just wanted to bet) but the system is meant to pick up on this and close down the account.
Hope it doesn’t unsettle me, or the money won’t be worth it. My partner is sorting this out with me, so I can’t just take off with the money and blow it again. I don’t really want anything from these companies at all, but I failed to stop gambling, asked for help to quit and they did not uphold their side either by letting me bet.
So I guess we are both at fault. It’s a matter of principal.
I hope it means they will start to take self exclusion seriously and not be so quick to let people who have asked for help sign up and lose.
All the best, Kate. x

Kate
Reply

Sorry for not posting this week – it has been a very busy week getting on top of marking, friends staying, etc etc. However, I dropped off a pile of marked scripts this afternoon, and this is now pretty much it….YEH!
All is well here – still sticking with the regime – and still finding it harder to give up smoking than gambling ….. I think now it’s the routine of being outside – doing a bit of gardening, and then a fag break ….. I do miss that! I have been reading your posts Jane and Joanne – I agree with the direction here – our immediate family first, then close friends who support us, then birth family – birth family for many of us become more distant as we get older, but they sometimes try to act as if we are still all living at home – we are not, we’ve gone our own ways, and are living our own lives, on our terms. Personally, I find people working the benefits system irritating – but then you’ve got to accept that they are not exactly living the high life – just scraping by. All the best
Kate

Jane
Reply

You know what, Joanne, you are absolutely right. My immediate family has to be my priority. They are the ones that are there for me, they are the ones that have got me through the hard times. The rest of the family, although it would be nice to be close, have made no effort to strengthen the relationship yet all they do is moan about how they don’t see me because I have toned it down a bit.
They will realise how much effort I have put in, not if I keep doing it, but if I STOP doing it. Then they will realise that it was me who was calling round for a chat, me who was being thoughtful and tolerant and then I suppose they will finally appreciate me more. They take me granted and that will stop if I stop being such a walk over.
Thanks, Joanne. I am going to turn my attention to the people who actually care for me the most because they are the most deserving of my time and energy. I know that I gamble when I’m unhappy, so I have to stop trying to change the world and accept that sometimes, things just are what they are, and you can’t change people if they don’t want to change.
It just irks me so much when they comment and say things behind my back that they haven’t seen me for a while, but they find it impossible to visit. I’ve always felt bad when I’ve heard this before and then gone round for a chat, but do you know what, I’m here if they want me too and if they want to see me, they’ll have to come to me. I’m not going to keep feeling responsible for the kids not seeing me unless I go to them. She might be busy with the kids, but I am too, my kids have special needs and I juggle work too (and a part time gambling addiction!) so I might find myself a little less available from now on until they get the message. (sadly she will just interpret the lack of visits that I deliberately ignored her and she will take the hump as per usual. It won’t motivate her to come see me, she just doesn’t work that way.)

xx Feeling better. Thank you. xx Hope Loser is ok. I notice his posts still aren’t going on…seems a few of us are having problems with the site.
Kate, hope you are well too and everyone of course.
All the best.

Jane
Reply

That’s great, Mat. Glad you are doing okay. I have had urges too but like you said, what’s the point when we know where it will all end up. It’s better knowing where we stand day to day and accept that we have lost some money, than keep putting ourselves through more heartache. It’s as simple as that.
At least then, we give ourselves a chance to feel good and just learn to be happy without it. Winning money never meant anything anyway, not to me and not to many of us. It keeps you gambling, yes, and it was still better than losing, but it wasn’t the best thing that happened to me. Winning made me unsettled and out of sorts. All I could do was think about gambling again, and at least when I lost, I would be able to stop thinking about it for a while because anger made the urges go away. I always felt kind of disconnected whether I won or lost. Gambling is such a meaningless way to spend your time.
All the best, Mat.

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