Comments

Andrei
Reply

Thanks Joanne! Well done keep going. It’s my day 42 gamble free. I missed all the fighting, anyway we all should care less about an focus on our recovery from addiction! Have a nice evening everyone

Joanne
Reply

Thanks Andrei. Day 11 for me.

Joanne
Reply

10 days gamble free.

Duncan
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Well done Joanne. Keep up the good work! Let’s all focus on remaining gamble free and not on unnecessary spats with others. Keep racking up those days.

Joanne
Reply

I’m adopting the ‘Andrei’ approach. Just run in as fast as you can, shout out your number of gamble-free days and run out again! He reminds me of ‘Road Runner’ or the ‘Wild Cayote’. You just gotta love him. All the best Duncan. Keep going Andrei!

Duncan
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Hi folks,

Hope everyone is well and gamble free.

Just wanted to commend the advice given to Loser (on another forum) after his ‘win’. This was shared by Loser a couple of days ago (7th August) in a reply to Kate.

When we gamble for the first time we plant a seed in our brains. We’re not aware of it at the time but every time we gamble thereafter, the seed grows a little more. Our minds start to crave the sensation that gambling gives us and we’re manipulated by companies to make us believe that gambling gives us pleasure – that we need gambling in our lives. Be under no illusions – gambling gives us no genuine pleasure whatsoever. We may think it does at the time when we gamble, if may also offer a sense of relief after a period of abstinence, but once the dust settles and we reflect there’s an empty feeling inside. The advice offered to loser clearly and articulately explains how the mind works – particularly after a gambling ‘win’.

I’ve noticed a trend on the forum that when someone posts of a ‘win’ it’s almost inevitability met with a degree of animosity. People feel that it highlights the positive side of gambling as it demonstrated that winning is possible. People say that ‘ you wouldn’t go into alcoholics anonymous and offer someone a drink’. For me, i don’t think this is a reasonable comparison. There are no positive sides to gambling. We have to realise that ‘winning’ is part of the vicious gambling cycle and without it the gambling industry wouldn’t exist. If we were to lose everything we bet we wouldn’t ever do it. Understanding how the brain works when we gamble is critical in rationalising matters when we think about gambling. I still get thoughts about gambling and instinctively part of my brain tells me that ‘gambling is good, it will give me that buzz’. That feeling (seed) was planted the very first time that i gambled. It just so happens that i let that seed grow to a level where I had to gamble more frequently and with larger stakes just to feed it. When we get the urge to gamble think about how are brains are programmed and how we have been manipulated into thinking that gambling gives us pleasure. Instead of thinking i can’t gamble anymore, think thank goodness I don’t need to do that anymore. I’m free from the vicious gambling cycle!!!

Here’s to another day gamble free.

Nik
Reply

A very astute post about the psychology of gambling.

Duncan
Reply

Thanks Nik. Just want to get things back on track on the forum. I’m also guilty of just taking.

Jane
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Of for God’s sake, Joanne, give it up. Who cares who you like or don’t like, who you find annoying, etc. We’ve all heard it all before. It does not give you the right to trash on people and run them away from the support they need.
How many times do we have to be here? We are obviously nice, decent people to keep chatting with you after your numerous episodes.
Then all you do is put up yet another post about complaining about the way YOU have been treated? You have nothing to throw at me, so you just make stuff up. It’s really embarrassing reading.
Perhaps you feel that you don’t get enough attention?
I get the impression that you are jealous, somehow. I pick up on the fact that you knocked me down for saying that I look good for my age, yet you say you are in your forties too, but look like an old slapper.
You make remarks a lot about popularity and tear me down for it. I’m not arse licking for popularity. I am trying to get through my day and in the process, help others get through theirs. You seem to target me and Kate, the women, more than anyone else? And yet, as a woman, you show no emotion to a person who has expressed the need to talk about personal trauma and what do you do? You say I am disrespecting my husband for talking about it! Don’t you think I was disrespected in the first place, Joanne! I did not ask for someone to do what they did to me. And you say that by talking about it on here, and expressing how that made me gamble and self harm, is a sympathy vote? Is sympathy really going to make all that go away, Joanne? I finally trusted people enough to be able to say the real reason behind my gambling. It took me nearly a year to open up. Even though it is anonymous, I still didn’t want people to know because something like that makes you feel defective, different and I wanted people to treat me normally.
I was focusing too much on just counting days and did not address my triggers, so when I relapsed again after all that time, I knew I had to take action.
Thanks to Loser and Kate, I finally went to a therapist and spoke to a professional about the incident for the first time in years. That’s what a forum can do, Joanne. I was diagnosed bipolar, and that made me very sad, but at the same time, it gave me something to work with, and at least I knew why my moods were so difficult.

You have called me on many occasions for the support I give on the forum, yet you outline to all of us in your post, the effort and support you have made too. Perhaps you feel you don’t get enough recognition for what you do?
I both give and I take on the forum. I feel that I take more than I give but I try to support people and congratulate them too, on their days.
You contradict yourself and say that Loser is the only person who talks to you, (not true) but then you add that I butt in to your conversations? Which is it, Joanne. I talk to you, or I don’t?
I talk to you on many occasions and you know it. You were the only person that responded to me for my entire holiday for 2 weeks. I even said the forum was quiet and thanked you for the chat.
You do not fix the arguments on the forum, Joanne. You create them, then try to make out that you have somehow ‘healed’ the forum? You want Carl back, well perhaps you should not have run him away in the first place? Now, Kate, Loser, Me. Yes, I’m out too. I have to concentrate on staying well and this environment is toxic, thanks to you. That’s three of us without support, so thanks for that.
Just wanted to tell you how it is, before I go because I think you need to hear it.

I’m afraid you are in some sort of denial. The only person controlling the forum is YOU.
The only person dictating who can post and who says what and when, is YOU.
The only person who is pretending to be nice, is YOU.
You do this every now and again. You’re all nice and chat with us, and we open up and then you tear us down, right out the blue. It’s like someone flicked a switch.
There is no motivation, no reason. You just swap and change.
I don’t know which person is the real you.
You are the chameleon, Joanne. No one else.
I feel that you deflect all your own flaws onto others.

I could have had you removed months ago, Joanne after your last tirade. Instead, I asked for the comments to be moderated to protect myself and others on the forum because I was not prepared to let you do what you did at Christmas because you again set out to ruin the forum with your swap and change behavior. I told rethink that you needed support too, so asked them instead to moderate the forum, so that is what they did.

The ONLY reason you are still posting is because the forum was set back to normal in the hopes that people can post responsibly. Again, you worked that well, didn’t you?

Now, I’ve said what I came here to say, you are now free to talk to YOURSELF.

Duncan
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Hi Jane,

I can fully understand why you’re upset but please do not think that you need to defend yourself on this forum. I get the feeling that a ‘sideshow’ has been purposefully created and it’s a distraction from what’s really important – to be and remain gamble free. Don’t stop what you do, people who visit this this forum (posters or just readers) would be worse off without you.

Chin up and here’s to another day gamble free!

Joanne
Reply

I like to complain about some of the unnecessary comments that have been hurled at me over the last couple of days. I went out of my way to dispense some good, solid advice to others on the forum. I also go out of my way to share information on books, financial compensation , etc. In fact when you look at the facts nobody has contributed to the forum to the extent that I have. Lots of people have benefitted financially from my posts.

I do not like the way Jane uses underhand tactics in her posts to others to attack me. Jane likes to make out she’s ‘nice’ but she’s actually quite devious in the way she tries to discredit me.

I also do not like the fact that she ‘butts in’ in other people’s conversations on the forum. Quite often I’ll be in a conversation with Loser (well he’s the only person that talks to me) and she butts in. Whereas when she is in a conversation with others I don’t ‘butt in’. I find her increasingly annoying. She seems to think she has a right to control the forum. She believes she has a monopoly on the forum.

I did not like Loser’s comment about me being ‘big mouthed’.

I found it very insulting that Kate referred to me as volatile, dishonest and peculiar. I can think of no reason why she found it necessary to say these vile comments about me.

Kate and Jane repeatedly use the ‘I’m thin skinned, I’m sensitive’ card all the time on the forum to get their own way ! However when you look at the facts both of them can ‘give as good as they get’. when it comes to insulting and discrediting me. It’s getting really tiresome and I’m nobody’s fool, I can see right through them! In fairness to me I never play the sympathy card, I’m straight forward, with me , ‘what you see is what you get’!

I also find it insulting that most of you said I had been gambling and lost ‘shit-loads’ of money. Well , newsflash, I haven’t been gambling, my bills are paid!

Joanne
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p.s. I was also referred to as ‘schizophrenic’ (I think that’s how you spell it lol) or having ‘schizophrenic behaviour’. I can assure you I have no mental health issues, I’m not on any form of medication and I never have been.

Jane
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Thanks, Nik. That was very kind of you to respond. I feel much better now. I need to learn to like myself so that I don’t believe all the things that others may throw at me. When you are down (and out!) it’s easy to feel like the world is against you and it doesn’t take much to send you down or make you start gambling again. It did get a bit raw and personal there for a while, though, Nik. Not nice territory at all, especially when it comes right out of left field. Must say, I didn’t see it coming this time. Will remember to duck next time….

I am still on day 42 and I am taking the kids out for a Burger King….well, actually, I fancy one last take away, before I get back to my usual disciplined self! If the kids want one too, then great!
:)

mat
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Day 4, Still feel a bit down, weather does not help its raining everyday and its dark this summer is the worst ever, my skin is so pale, working evenings extra time to make up for the losses from Saturday but it will be slow to make up for that £1000, if only I went a different route I wouldn’t have gambled.
I see lots of drama on here recently, don’t leave people best not to take comments too personal, lots of people a cranky and in bad mood maybe its the lack of the sun I see when working best to just ignore them and walk away. When im sad and depressed I never show it really when interacting with people they never know I even gamble I smile and joke but inside I feel like dying, I try to fake that its all good.
I don’t know why I gambled again, I forgot my own advice I guess, in 9 years of gambling I had lots of wins how much did I keep £0 I am down £20-30k I estimate I will never win it back not on these machines where a max win is limited to £500 and wins over £1000 are ultra rare while its very easy to lose a £1000. There is no point in gambling, the only way to win is to walk away. Trying to win is just trying to find a temporary solution and give yourself a high of winning that will only make you gamble more.
Hope we all learn from mistakes and not gamble again ever.

Jane
Reply

Feel like sh*t too, Mat. Worried about gambling again, but I’m not going to falter. I might let people control my emotions, but they are not getting the better of me, financially. I have come so far, and I’m not throwing it away anymore. I need to believe in myself and know that I am worth doing this for. You are worth it too, Mat. We all are. We have to stop crapping on ourselves all the time, and throwing all our progress away. That’s why we feel so down all the time, because we can’t see a way out.
As human beings, we need a focus, a goal, something to aim for. When we relapse, that goal keeps moving and we can’t hit our target, so we feel hopeless and despaired. We need to see progress to keep our motivation, otherwise, it is like we are going in circles and then, it is hard to see the point in trying.

We keep repeating the same mistakes and that is what is so demoralising and depressing.
You are right, we need to walk away from gambling. We will feel so much better.
I do the same things you do, Mat. I smile all the time, no one ever knows how I feel inside. I carry it all around with me, all the pain and depression, like Kate does. We suffer, but we get on with it, hoping that one day it will all go away.
I don’t burden my family with any problems because they say I am always fine, and don’t take me seriously, so I can only really talk about stuff on here. Now, that has been taken away, too.
Very sad about that. :(
Going to keep busy now. Back at work on Thursday. It’s dangerous having spare time on your hands.

Off to play some guitar…..I feel like belting out Sweet Home Alabama!
x

LOSER
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There you go Joanne look what your BIG MOUTH has done now?
Kate now is leaving and Carl left previously because of you.
Now I am off too…..
Congratulations Joanne, soon enough you won’t be hiding in the corner of this forum because there will be NO ONE left on it!!!!

Joanne
Reply

It’s not my fault that people can’t take good, sound , sensible advice. Chat with you soon Loser.

Day 9 for me!

Jane
Reply

I actually found it INCREDIBLY liberating to talk with Loser about the past events. I have carried it around for years. I had never spoke about it before to anyone except my partner. No one else knows except the person in question. However, it was never dealt with properly, and so gambling stepped in to fill the void in my life and I got a little too dependent on it.
After I typed it out, I felt a weight lifted. I did not go into detail and did not see it as inappropriate at all as it is one of the main reasons that I gamble. I had been on this forum for nearly a year and not mentioned it, but it just came out one day, and felt really good.

No one can be harmed by talking about this, because no one knows who we really are. My partner knows that I have discussed it on here briefly, and he even said that it must have felt good to tell someone else, and it did.
Attacking me for being a poor mother just because I mention my daughter went for contraception to help her with her periods is not embarrassing to anyone unless you are completely out of touch. She can’t be embarrassed about it, because she doesn’t read it, and even if she did, she would not think anything at all, because we have a good relationship. I think it is wonderful that my daughter can talk to me about absolutely anything without fear of judgement, and I know that if she gets in trouble, she will not feel she has to hide it, like I did. You are just throwing stuff out there, at everyone, all the stuff that we have all shared together. You get people to talk and then throw it back at them. Who does that?

People talk about visiting hookers on here, and that is something that I am not a great fan (lol), but I would never judge anyone for suggesting it or remarking about it, because it is not my business. We are not defined by what we do but by how we treat others. It is a very low stoop to target people on a forum like this and deliberately pull them apart, having taken the time to gain their trust in the first place. I feel like every time you read the forum now, you are just gathering info on us, Joanne, and storing it to use against us whenever you have your next meltdown.

I thought the fact that we can open up and be honest about the things that bother us, was a sign that we have some good relationships on this forum, and having someone to talk to, even if no one answers, has helped me get through the days.

————–
Thank you all for the support. I will try not to let things bother me, but you can’t change what you are inside. I am glad that all of you are able to brush off things more easily, I wish I could but I don’t have a thick skin. I struggle with emotions like Mat, and that is why I gamble to bury them.
Very good wishes to everyone, now let’s get back to giving up gambling.

Moving on.
P.s…I’m still here for you, Joanne, but ease up on everyone a bit will you. We all got our problems too you know. You don’t want to alienate yourself from the support you need. There’s been times, when the only people chatting on here has been me and you, and I thanked you for taking the time to talk with me. Don’t just undo all that again. Let’s move forward.
_________________________________
Day 42.

loser
Reply

Hi Jane,
You made a interesting comment, “I will try not to let things bother me, but you can’t change what you are inside”

You need to learn how to cope with people’s comments and opinions Jane, you need to change who you are inside or you will never give up gambling. I bet everyone slept well last night, I sure did as I do not allow someone’s comments especially on a public forum (a person I have never met) effect me.
Joanne made comments and that’s her opinion but doesn’t mean they are true. So if Joanne apologise’s and say’s your a great mother will you feel warm inside and better? Then her next post might be abusive and then how ill you feel? You cannot allow someone to control your emotions like that, ask yourself Jane are you a good mother? If your answer is yes then that’s the true answer. You need to ask yourself has Joanne watched you raise your children all your life? Has she seen you mother them when they are sick? Has she been there when you have tried to help them with problems? NO So how can her comments hurt you then? Have you even met Joanne? NO So why on earth would you be hurt by someone who you have never met, nor has she even be around you or your children? Be confident in who you are and the mother that you are and then people opinion’s won’t matter.

Jane
Reply

Thanks, Loser. I know you are right. But I have some issues with bipolar and when I get down, I get really down and it’s hard to get up again. I can be on top of the world one day and the next, without warning, I just plummet. It really is horrendous and hard to live with as you can imagine.
My therapist has told me the same things you did, about not caring what people think, and that it doesn’t make it true. But I feel so bad about my gambling and all the time lost, that I often beat myself up about things and the critical voice in my head wins out and tells me I have ruined everything and not been there for them, so when someone says something negative, it reinforces the critical voice. I hold onto it, I don’t want to, but I do. It’s like someone saying I told you so. I told you, you were no good, and when you’re down, you believe it.
The OCD I have keeps persistent thoughts in my head and they are always negative. I don’t put them there. They just creep in. I am literally my own worst enemy.

I just read your message, Kate because I was going to post, that you too, are often bothered by comments and we take it on board more than others.
I completely understand that you don’t want to stick around on the forum, though I will miss you immensely as you understand what I go through more than others because you can relate to the same issues. When one thing goes wrong, it’s like a train wreck…all the other things that are bad in your life, come to the forefront of your brain and scream at you. One negative memory reinforces another and so on….

The thing is, Loser, like Kate, each day is really difficult in itself, without any upset, so when things like this go off, it just compounds everything so much and that is why I didn’t sleep.
I’m not weak, I’m human and I have a big heart.
That’s all.
Thanks, Loser for your wise words. I wish I could be more like you.
xx

Kate
Reply

Hi Jane ….I’ve got quite a thin skin too … as you know I also suffer with depression … when it gets bad I tend to dwell on family issues . I would very much like to be free from this …. but I am not. Anyone who has depression will appreciate that it is not easy to shake it off. I had found some relief disclosing this in the forum …. but it probably isn’t a good idea for me to do this …. disclosure only brings relief if it is met with understanding not ridicule judgment or sneering in the guise of ‘ honesty’ . I don’t want to leave posting without saying a very fond goodbye to you and to wish you all the very best. Same to Loser … you have taken time to support me … and have been known to laugh at my jokes! I am sad to be going but I am not prepared to stay around with Joanne around. Too volatile, dishonest and peculiar for me. I am gamble free and smoke free and intend to stay this way . Both are forms of self-medication to deal with depression so what I really need to deal with is the depression
All the best folks
Karate

LOSER
Reply

Karate? That’s funny Kate!
Please don’t leave I really enjoy reading about you and Woody! I can understand why you want to go, you should feel comfortable walking through these doors it should be a safe haven to say whatever you need to say to get you through the day.
When the dust settle’s I hope you return I would love to hear how your progressing all the best till we chat again. :)

Joanne
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I’ll tell you what, I’ll speak to you again when hell freezes over! Please don’t refer to my name in any future posts. Thank you in advance, Joanne

Joanne
Reply

Sorry I got muddled up there my message

I’ll speak to you again when hell freezes over was intended for Jane and Loser. Please would both of you not refer to my name in any of your future posts. I thank you in advance. Joanne

Joanne
Reply

quote ………. I’m there for you Joanne.

What on earth makes you think that I would possibly need you.

LOSER
Reply

Joanne whilst you have given everyone your honest opinion lately and while I really admire honest people there is a thing called etiquette amongst social circles. There is a time where on certain occasions etiquette is required.
I really don’t think you understand the concept of this and I feel if you did you would have a lot more friends to socialise with and therefore keep you busy enough to stay away from gambling. Whatever your opinion on any matter you need to first ask yourself…… by saying this what will I achieve? Your comments have not been helpful if anything they have been hurtful to many. Yet you continue to say…..

“Again my comments are intended to be helpful.”

Are you aware that people on this forum are holding back from saying what they really think of you? That’s because they have diplomacy and they realise that your damaged and do not want to be responsible for what their true thought’s might do to you.
This is a public forum and Jane and whoever else can post whatever they want. She is anonymous here, her real name probably isn’t even Jane so whatever she say’s that’s private, can never be traced back to her. Maybe it ease’s you and you feel comfortable with unloading all your thought’s, if this is the case you will never form real friendships and I really feel this is the key to you overcoming gambling.
Keep your thought’s of people to yourself and this way you will be able to form strong bonds and great friendships. Or share your thought’s with a close sibling to unload.

I have many judgmental thought’s of all my friends but if I called my female friend a slut and my male friend a fat drunk, do you think they will want to speak to me again?
If you truly were bored and wanted to create drama and a bit of excitement what does that say about your life?
Also how long will the excitement last for you? A few day’s? And then what? Then you expect everything to return to normal and people will be nice and reply to your posts?

You will never stop gambling Joanne until you resolve this issue. Stop fooling yourself that your trying to be helpful and admit the truth that you have no idea how to interact with people so you fight with them and argue and create drama’s because everyone was being so nice to you and you didn’t know how to handle or cope with it.

Admit it……..go on!

I do not dislike you Joanne but you really have to acknowledge what I am saying is true and until you work on this issue which may take professional help and years then only then will you truly be free from gambling and explore what life and people have to offer.

Joanne
Reply

Just read your post , like I just said, I’ll mind my own business from now on. You won’t get another cheep out of me.

Joanne
Reply

p.s. I’ll be as quiet as a mouse! lol

Joanne
Reply

pps I’ve found out some more information that might be of financial advantage to some of you but of course I won’t be telling you! Joanne ‘as quiet as a mouse’ ! By the way I’m in my forties but I look like an old slapper! I get on great with my son, parents, siblings, extended family, work colleagues, neighbours, boyfriends and old school pals. Unfortunately I’m a gambling addict so that’s why I’m here , no other reason I’m perfectly normal!

LOSER
Reply

Joanne you still do not understand the concept of what I am trying to say………

Your comments and opinion’s are valued and should be heard, however you need to know when and what to comment about. Commenting on anything regarding gambling whether it be conflicting with someone else’s opinion is fine. With your opinion regarding the subject on Jane bringing up her daughter’s “puberty” whilst some may agree with you, by you bringing this up Jane see’s it as a personal attack on her. Do you understand the difference? Commenting on it has only hurt Jane, you haven’t helped her at all. Next time ask yourself what outcome would I get if I bring this up? No matter what we think sometimes you just need to go with the motto of, “If you have nothing positive to say then don’t say it at all”.
I would love to tell my female friend I think she is the biggest slut I ever met hahaha but if I do so I will lose her forever and regardless if it’s the truth and I want to help her she won’t stop sleeping around and then she will hate me, so because I value the friendship (as she does have a good heart) I will never tell her. I can tell you guy’s because she will never know.

That’s the difference …..

Andy
Reply

Bang on the button there loser

Duncan
Reply

Hi folks,

Today is a new day. The sun is shining and the bookies are not getting a penny from any of us.

In the UK last year, Ladbrokes made a profit of around 275 to 285 million pounds. That’s 1 betting company making that kind of money, per year, in a competitive market. Betting is all about algorithms and it’s almost impossible to beat the bookies in the long run. Don’t give the parasites (the real parasites Joanne – LOL) another penny.

Here’s to another day gamble free!!

Jane
Reply

Just done my balance transfer with Barclays. Moved gambling debt over from e vanquis who have been charging a lot of money in interest. Barclays finally gave me a credit increase, so I have got rid of it quickly by doing the sensible thing for once!
It’s like being gifted £300, so that’s something positive to talk about. Now to cut up my other card…..On the flip side, had a letter from another account to say that my interest rate is going up to 58.6% in October after review of my account, (whatever that means)….Hopefully, I can throw as much money (or bricks!) at them as possible until that monkey is off my back for good!
Have a good day, everyone.
x

Jane
Reply

Joanne, I have had a really bad night’s sleep what with all the carry on, yesterday. You threw something out there and just disappeared. That’s not fair to do. I asked you last night what you meant, but you did not answer. Perhaps you are sorry that you said it and don’t want to acknowledge it?

You said very coldy that I should have more respect for my husband after accusing me of being a poor mother, and I would like to know what you mean.
There is only one thing that I think you can possibly be talking about, and that is something that I have discussed on this forum, briefly, with Loser and Kate. Something difficult to talk about, that happened to me in the past as a young girl. Something that drove me to self harm and to gamble.

If this is what you are referring to, and if you think that by talking about it with others on this forum, I am disrespecting my husband, then I don’t know what to say at all.
I feel very unbalanced today because of this one comment, and all the memories of this incident are in my head again. I think you should have the decency to explain your words as they are very hurtful.

I cannot engage with you any further unless you can take this hurt away.

NIK
Reply

Jane, you come across as a very sensitive person, but you really shouldn’t let things said on the internet bother you as it isn’t ‘real.’
As I said in a post below insults aimed at me online don’t bother me at all, and I know it’s easier said than done, as we are all different, but you must try to feel the same.

Having said that I must admit I was surprised at Joanne, who has always been extremely pleasant to me in the past, going off on one and calling me a ‘snob.’ I’ve been called many things but I can’t recall ever being called a snob!

I say I was surprised but having many years experience of online forums and social media I have witnessed ‘meltdowns’ before. It seems to be quite common on the net where anonymous people say things they probably wouldn’t say to someone face to face. This together with the pressures of gambling addiction can make for an explosive combination.

Please keep you chin up and don’t let stuff which ultimately doesn’t really matter get to you.
Instead let’s focus on beating this disease.

Joanne
Reply

I think what was discussed at your daughter’s medical appointment should have remained between your daughter, yourself and the medic. I don’t think you had the right to discuss your daughter’s personal health issues on a public forum. As a parent you have to respect your child’s right to privacy and more so in the sensitive years when they go through the transition from teenager to young adult. I hope you see my comments as helpful in the way they were intended. It was intended as a little ‘tip’.

As to yourself, if you have serious issues from your past, again I feel this forum is probably not the best place to discuss it. Probably best to confide in your nearest and dearest , husband/partner/ parent etc for support and seek professional help through your GP or the relevant bodies, eg Health, Law. Counselling

Again my comments are intended to be helpful.

Andy
Reply

Jane has the right to talk about what she likes Joanne, as do you. Not sure its right you dictating what she can and can’t say on a public forum.
No one knows each other on here so it’s the perfect place to talk about private matters. Isn’t it?

Joanne
Reply

Fair enough, everyone has the right to discuss or disclose anything they wish to do so on the forum. I’ll mind my own business from now on!

Andrei
Reply

Thanks Jane! The longest I ever went was 10 months since 2013. So hopefully this time we can go longer.

mat
Reply

”Nobody forced you to gamble” that’s all I hear even the staff in bookies says the same things, its not that simple, gambling is a sickness, you don’t just sell more alcohol to a drunk person or prescription drugs just because a junkie will ask for it, in a country with so many stupid laws and regulations I find it really strange that anyone can just enter bookie and place a £100 bet over and over on a machine with no questions asked. Nobody forced you Joanne I doubt you wanted to lose as much and often as you did, the industry makes it way too easy to lose because they profit at the misery of others that are sick, gambling is a sickness. Its hard to be 24/7 on the forum, I did wish people well and congratulated at times, I was past the 6 weeks mark when relapsed and lost control again.
I don’t think its a good idea to take it out on us as we have our problems including with gambling.
I am sure a lot of people would benefit if they closed online gambling sites and banned the slots and left gambling in just a few casinos when membership card is needs and easy to exclude, what it is here in the uk now its a problem gamblers worst nightmare with bookies everywhere open from morning till late and gambling sites that can wipe out all savings in minutes it is really bad.

Andrei
Reply

Well done Joanne. Keep going 8 days great achievement.

Joanne
Reply

8 days gamble-free.

Andrei
Reply

Good evening folks day 40 gamble free. Have a nice evening everyone!

Jane
Reply

Good job, Andrei. Glad you are doing well. I’m aiming for 100 days again. I lost a bit of my motivation since my last relapse, but I am trying to get it back. I know I’ve been there before, (getting to 100 days), so it doesn’t quite feel the same, but it’s important to keep trying. The most I ever did was 172 days, so that’s my target.
Enjoy your evening.

mat
Reply

Joanne must have relapsed too I guess I know it sucks, that’s what gambling does it f**** up everything, bills end up getting unpaid, stopped going gym or caring about other hobbies, I take it out on people too, gambling made me very short tempered if anyone crosses a path with me after I lost and tries to upset me more they soon regret it, I did smash things like chairs, happened so many times one time after I lost I threw a plate so hard that it cut into a wall and made a huge hole.
All of us seems to relapse often, not good, gambling companies have us by the balls turns out its really hard to quit gambling.
They will say its us who chose to gamble but maybe there is something behind it like lights or inaudible sounds that hypnotize you when playing slots, they probably pump oxygen too in casinos and bookmakers to give players a high, I know it might sound crazy but these people will try everything,
Grown men and women lose £1000s and throw away the life to watch some fruits, animals or symbols spin to win few hundred makes no sense really.
gambling companies have politicians in their pockets too and they even own things like gamcare, gambling commission, what happened to the review and recommendation to reduce the spin down to £2 max from the current £100? I guess it will continue to ruin people in this sinking ship country.

Nik
Reply

You are so right, Mat. Gambling is pathetic when you put it that way.
You are also right about the gambling companies having politicians in their pockets – it is disgusting.

Joanne
Reply

Stop blaming everyone and everything but yourself! Nobody forced us to gamble. We put our money down, took our f*cking chance and sometimes we won and sometimes we lost. Unfortunately most of the time we didn’t know when to walk away.

Joanne
Reply

It’s not gambling that’s pathetic, it’s us that are pathetic!

The gambling industry is no different from the alcohol industry, the sex industry, the cosmetic industry, the fast food industry and so on ….

Nobody forces us into a bookies, a fast food restaurant or a strip joint!

Nik
Reply

Thought you were leaving this ‘boring’ forum.

Joanne
Reply

I haven’t relapsed and all my bills are paid. I am moving on.

I take full responsibility for my gambling and for my losses. Nobody put a gun to my head, I gambled because I choose to do so and now I have to live with the consequences.

It wasn’t my intention to be unkind to any of you , my comments were intended to be helpful. Some of you are so self-indulgent ie me me me me that you blame everything and everyone for your gambling or your lives. My parents aren’t perfect, but every Sunday I visit them with a bag full of goodies , a few scratch-cards and some lotto tickets for my father. Why? Because I was dam lucky to grow up in a safe, and caring environment. We don’t do the lovey-dovey shit, we’re not demonstrative, thank goodness! Most of the time we talk about my other siblings and no doubt when my siblings visit them they probably talk about me! My youngest brother is probably my mother’s pet , doesn’t bother me, only natural for the youngest to be thought of as the baby. That’s life.

Stop looking inwards and start looking outwards , show respect to your parents, however cantankerous they might be, be kind to your siblings and treat your nearest and dearest with respect and you’ll not go wrong.

If you have other issues, well best to seek out professional help with the support of your loved ones.

Some of you only come to the forum when you want your wounds licked after heavy losses or to bitch about the industry. You never congratulate anyone when they are doing well, you just take , never give and then disappear.

Anyway, all the very best, look after yourselves, Joanne

p.s. Don’t look for happiness in the place you lost it!

Duncan
Reply

Joanne, i found your comments calling me a ‘parasite’ and ‘feasting off other people’s misery’ particularly helpful. Thanks for that ya DOBER!!

I regret posting yesterday. I was essentially ‘checking in’ to let folks know that i still value everyone’s ‘story’ and that i was still gamble free. If my post appeared self indulgent then please be assured that was not the intention. I’ve found this forum to be particular helpful. I’m not going to start singling folk who have helped me as i cant be chanked with this ‘us and them’ attitude. This forum has provided me with a lot of information that i wouldn’t have otherwise discovered. I cannot emphasise enough – EDUCATION IS KEY!

Every single person who stumbled across this forum did so for one reason – to help combat their gambling addiction. I didn’t start posting last December because i wanted to help others – i wanted to help myself. If my story helps others then great. This may appear selfish but to combat a gambling addiction you need to put yourself first. The fundamental purpose of this forum is to educate ourselves about gambling addiction, not to personally criticise people.

There are numerous different reasons why people gamble. There’s no simple explaination otherwise it would be simple to stop. So who are you to start criticising others for what’s on their mind?? If someone has a family issue then why not share it? If someone has identified an issue they perceive with the gambling industry then why not share it? If someone wants to have light hearted banter with another poster then what’s wrong with that? It may be a public forum but it’s completely anonymous. People blatantly find it liberating and helpful to post their thoughts. So what gives you the right to criticise someone who is finding solace on this forum?

I have not posted on this forum for around 8 weeks as I don’t think about gambling as much as I used to. I use this forum to help me and i can appreciate why that might appear self indulgent…..but it genuinely helps me. So why would or should I stop posting when i want to?

Here to another day gamble free!

Joanne
Reply

Feel free! Don’t hold back, if anybody wants to voice an opinion on me or to say something about me or to me, go ahead! If you’d like to challenge anything I’ve said, go for it. Like I said, DON’T HOLD BACK!! I know what I am, a selfish gambling-addict.

Duncan
Reply

I never once called you selfish. I don’t think your selfish. I just want every single person on this forum to be gamble free. I think criticising people on this forum is counter productive. I really wish you all the best, Joanne.

Joanne
Reply

Well (self praise is no honour!) but when all is said and done and you just can’t argue with the facts I probably am the least selfish person on the forum and probably the most level-headed.

I always congratulate everyone when they achieve success.

I’ve never tried to come between anyone on the forum.

In fact I was the very person who helped heal a certain rift!

I’ve helped people get financial compensation back from the on-line casinos.

I’ve recommended books when they’ve been cheap or free.

I’ve given people tips on how to hold on to their winnings.

I give out good advice, maybe I’m too blunt but it’s all meant with good intention.

I feed Loser’s ego! lol lol lol lol (He’s adorable!)

Jane
Reply

I don’t think you should take it personally, Duncan. It seems we have all copped it today. If you like offering support, then you are seeking praise, and arse-licking apparently…if you post too much, you’re in trouble, if you don’t post enough, you’re still in trouble…..If you only post when you relapse, you are just taking and not giving…..I think we have found a new forum moderator! Watch out there Simon!

So the comments were meant to be ‘helpful’ Joanne?….

I might go down the local homeless shelter, to a bunch of absolute strangers I don’t even know, and ‘help’ them by insulting them and throwing out a load of crap about their lives….
I’ll let you know how that goes….

As for not airing dirty laundry in public….hmmm….we are on a gambling forum! It doesn’t get much grubbier than that….I think the other problems in our lives pale in comparison!

Also, what kind of opinion do you have of the men on this forum, or indeed, men, generally, that I am criticised as a mother for talking with Kate about my daughter and contraception on a forum used ‘mainly by males’……Are we still in the stone age? Men have teenage daughter’s too, you know….and what the hell do you mean about having some respect for my husband?

Don’t presume to know me. You are so far across the line, Joanne, you can’t even see the line….. the line is like some foggy blur on the horizon to you…..can you see it…? Nope, wait….it’s gone.

Duncan
Reply

I don’t take it personally, Jane. I don’t know anyone on this forum personally. I think I used the word ‘personally’ in my post but that’s not a reflection of how in feel. I’m just aware from past spats that criticism can adversely impact on forum members which I don’t like. The forum is meant to assist people in combating their gambling addiction.

I also don’t think it’s productive to create division. In my opinion, Joanne has had a bad day, however, i think she’s a valuable member of this forum and i generally value her input.

People on this forum contribute a lot of their time offering advice and sharing their story. I don’t spend that time and can understand why my ‘checking in’ last night might have irked Joanne. It was not my intention to cause or create division.

I think you’re an exceptionally kind and educated person Jane and i genuinely value your informative posts.

Here’s to another day gamble free!

Andy
Reply

October, Mat. Looks very likely like a substantial drop in max stake. I’d say minimum £20. Can’t see £2 happening unfortunately

Jane
Reply

I seen that too. It may not be the £2, but it might pave the way for better things to come.

LOSER
Reply

Ok folks I am off to bed, no point in engaging further in Joanne’s post, she lit the match and I am not sticking around for the fire to spread. It can only be spread with further comment’s and reply’s to her (Hint Hint)
Joanne when your feeling better come and talk to us…
Day 2 for me still lol feels like today is going on forever, I plan to do some work in the garden tomorrow to keep busy.

LOSER
Reply

OH MY GOD….
I don’t know whether to laugh or cry, seriously Joanne?
What drugs are you on dear?
Insults flying everywhere and I ask myself WHY?
I wil tell everybody why……..Because my guess is Joanne relapsed lost a whole shit load of money and now is taking it out on her rethink buddies. Look at what gambling really does, cripples you financially and emotionally. When everything becomes calm again Joanne and you start to think rationally you will be back to apologise. I have alway’s stuck up for you but this time your really out of line.

Duncan is always welcome here, I always love to hear what you have to say Duncan you are like part of the furniture.

Kate stay strong and don’t let these words from Joanne’s mouth make you relapse. Joanne people should be allowed to express how they are feeling without being judged or critisized. Losing anyone you love especially a parent hurts deep, how could you Joanne bring such painful memories up again and insult Kate?

Jane what can I say here? I guess the initial feud will never really be forgiven or forgotten at least you took a more mature approach and didn’t bite back. Do not allow Joanne’s comments to make you relapse Jane.

NIK when you did visit the site , you seemed to only reply to Jane’s comments so I assume that’s what Joanne is talking about. I understand how when your busy you have less time and when your struggling you need the support more so you come back more often.

Joanne I know your hurting and I am sure you will regret what you have said. All these people have given you forgiveness in the past Joanne, How many chances do you think someone can give? This is clearly a real stand out reason to STOP GAMBLING. Look at the person you become when you gamble? For no reason everyone was attacked and I thought we were all getting on so well? Are you upset because my last post to you wasn’ t so long? Well I wake up in the morning reply in the order I see them and I had to quickly go somewhere while I was replying to you, I wrote as much as I could and yes I was late to my appointment. But you don’t see all that you simply see a short post. I have always supported you, the cheese was a joke and it is very difficult to interpret feelings over text. I hope you can relax and implement new methods and ways of trying to cease gambling. For every relapse you should put a new measure in place to prevent it from happening again. I locked my money up today because I knew for certain I would be tempted to go gamble.

You have to ask yourself Joanne do you really like the person gambling has turned you into?

Not only has it sucked your money but it’s slowly eating your soul…

Time for a change Joanne
Take care, talk soon.

NIK
Reply

It’s actually pointless insulting people on internet forums as it doesn’t bother them – well it doesn’t bother me anyway. And all that usually happens is the person ultimately has the post removed and gets banned.
Hope Joanne reflects on this. I pointed out a post she made at the beginning of the month further down the board where she was praising everyone and in the same thread I began where she insulted me, she earlier posted a supportive comment.
This schizophrenic behaviour is rather worrying, and as you say Loser, shows how gambling can affect you.
When I lost I hated everyone including myself, particularly the bookies.

Now I just hate the bookies.

Let ‘em starve!

Duncan
Reply

Hear, hear.

Gambling addiction has significant implications on a person’s mental health. I used gambling as a means of ‘burying my head in the sand’ in order to avoid dealing with underlying issues. After a heavy loss, i didn’t necessarily get angry but i was distant. Even when I won gambling made me distant and i neglected my family as a result. While the financial implications of being a non gambler are noticeable, my state of mind has vastly improved.

Like you Nik, I’m reluctant to come on this forum as i don’t want to appear as if I’m gloating. I’m acutely aware that relapse is only a bet away and the advice on this forum continues to help me.

Here’s to another day gamble free.

Joanne
Reply

No, I haven’t been gambling or losing. I’ve got a great family who I get along with. If any of them tried to hug me or tell me they loved me I’d run a fu**king mile! Just bored here, so I’m moving on. I think I’m probably the only normal person on this site. Bye all.

Kate
Reply

Oh dear ….here we go again Joanne . I thought maybe you had changed but obviously not. Anyway I’m sorry i made the mistake of disclosing personal stuff … but I don’t feel in the slightest bit hurt by you …. just temporarily forgot that I need to be wary . All the best

Joanne
Reply

It wasn’t my intention to hurt you or Jane. Although the 2 of you come across as intelligent (you write well, have in-depth knowledge about things ) the pair of you do seem lacking in common sense. Hope I haven’t offended you both, just trying to help you. As they say, don’t air your dirty laundry in public.

Jane
Reply

That’s the beauty of an anonymous forum, Joanne. No one knows who we really are, so we have the freedom to talk about anything that bothers us, WITHOUT fear of judgement, or at least that’s how it should be.
You are taking a stab at some incredibly vulnerable people on here. Bravo. It’s not stooping low to talk about the things that hurt us and how it has affected our lives and well being. There is strength and healing in being able to discuss what happened to me. It has led me to self harm and to gamble myself into distraction. Loser helped me to open up about something that I have carried around for years, and I am very grateful for that.

I care about you Joanne, and I want you to stay well but don’t bring my kids into this. You have no right to trample on people, then come crying back for forgiveness because you are down. It doesn’t work like that.

Have to go now. Got a life to be getting on with.

( puts cards down on table, turns and walks away…..)

I’m out.

Joanne
Reply

It’s not me that brought your kids into this. What mother would discuss her daughter’s puberty/contraception, the most sensitive of issues on a public forum mainly used by males. Show some respect to your daughter.

Joanne
Reply

Maybe you should also show some respect to your husband.

Jane
Reply

If change means forgiveness, then yes, I change all the time. I have had to on this site.

Joanne
Reply

Loser,

I’m surviving! Good of you to abandon me with just a bag of mouldy cheese whilst you went off and celebrated your win with your friends!

They say you find out who your true friends are when you’re down and out!

Maybe you’ll remember your old mate Joanne the one …..

who always congratulated you when you were achieving gamble free-days

the one who offered you meals when your wallet was empty a couple of weeks ago!

the one who set up a petition to get you back on Rethink!

the one who was always there to pick you up when you were down!

Anyway I’m not bitter , CONGRATULATIONS on hitting the jackpot!

Don’t you dare go near on-line gambling, it will cost you around 20 grand per year.

If you go anywhere near it, I’ll take up kick-boxing, hunt you down and kick the hell out of you!

I’ll probably be banned soon, (couldn’t give a toss), so all the very best to you. Joanne

Duncan
Reply

Hi everyone,

Not posted in ages but still read the forum. I’ve always found the summer months a lot easier. Still gamble free!

When people relapse it makes me sad but it’s just part of the journey in becoming a non-gambler. Each and every person on this site has overcome the toughest hurdle of all in acknowledging their problem. Keep up the good work everyone and apologies for gatecrashing.

Here’s to another day gamble free.

Jane
Reply

Duncan, you are not a gatecrasher, you are a very welcome guest! I’d make you a coffee but I’m afraid I’m just off out! :)
Glad you are doing well. I find the summer months easier too. I’ve just come back off holiday and I am a little low, what with having nothing nice to look forward to as such. However, I am going to make some nice plans and keep busy. I feel good and am determined to make it. That’s half the battle, isn’t it.
Lovely to hear from you. Don’t want to know what day you are on…show off!!

Kate
Reply

Yeh Duncan …great to hear you are still gamble free . All the best

Duncan
Reply

Thank you, Kate.

Duncan
Reply

Thank you, Jane. Keep up all your good work and try to focus on the positives.

Joanne
Reply

You’re not a welcome guest in my eyes, just another parasite ie lurker feasting on other people’s misery. So take your crumbs of advice and stick them where the sun don’t shine.

Duncan
Reply

Not at all, Joanne. I don’t take any pleasure in anyone’s misery. Not on this forum or in life. I certainly don’t think that this forum is a place of misery though. I’m sorry you feel that way and apologies for upsetting you. I wish you all the best!

loser
Reply

Had to post this thought it was a classic….
I’m on another forum told them I won and this is what a counsellor said to me amongst his advice.

I am sorry that you won, better luck next time.

hahah

Kate
Reply

I get the irony but actually losing is almost worse than winning because we feel so driven to go back and turn things round. We are away for a week on exmoor .. very remote but there is internet access at the cottage. Nearly lost the dog this morning in fast flowing water …. but he was very plucky and swam back upstream towards me and struggled onto the bank. He is now snuggled up against me fast asleep .

LOSER
Reply

Hi Kate,
That would have been scary but I think all dogs can swim. What the counsellor was trying to say is that when we have a large win it’s reinforced in our brains and we seem to get more addicted with this, than with small little wins.
Here I will put up his whole response this is it:

6 grand huh.

Do you know why gambling venues like to give out jackpots? It is because the people that make the machines learn a lot about neurochemistry.

When your brain gets a giant reward (like a jackpot), it floods with Dopamine (The reward Neurotransmitter). What dopamine does it helps your brain to re-hardwire it’s self. When high levels of Dopamine are around your brain gets all the neurons that have just fired, and makes them run faster. It builds coating on the neurons (Myelin) that helps the neurons to more efficiently transmit signals (look up Myelin on Wikipedia). This action burns the idea that gambling is good into your brain.

The same sort of thing happens if you loose $6,000 in one hit. You learn that gambling is bad.

This does not happen if you loose $1, 6000 times.

By keeping losses to smaller amounts your brain never has the opportunity to learn that gambling is bad. So the small repeated losses don’t change your neurochemistry, but the wins do. The machines encourage this neurological changes by drawing attention to the wins (lights, sounds, advertising, interview with winners etc). But draw attention away from losses. (Have you noticed that the machines don’t make any noise when you loose a dollar? What would they sound like if they did?).

This selective attention encouraged by the machines further influences the shape of our brains.

Gambling venues are happy to pay out $6,000 because they know that it will drive the addiction further into our subconscious.

Do you think that somewhere deep down a part of you will remember this win with fondness and remind you about it when you have an urge? Will this make it harder to quit gambling?

If you lost every time you gamble do you think it would be easier to quit?

I am sorry that you won, better luck next time.

Kate
Reply

Woody seems pretty relaxed after being swept away. He is a strong swimmer fortunately. So pleased to be away ..,. All there is to do is walk , eat , look at the amazing moorland scenery , snooze and relax. Fortunately the angst has lifted … got myself into a state …. thank you again for your support …. it meant a lot. Hope everyone else is doing ok? Best wishes
Kate

Jane
Reply

Hope you have a lovely break away, Kate. You deserve it. :)
All the best.

Kate
Reply

Thanks Jane …. wood burner on and just about to open a bottle of something fizzy …. hope you are doing ok now you are home. Kate x

Jane
Reply

I’m good, Kate, thanks. It’s hard isn’t it when your focus is gone. You have something really good to look forward to and you throw yourself and all your energy into and then when it’s gone, it leaves you feeling a little empty.
However, I am still going strong and feeling okay. I am glad the kids are off school as they are a welcome distraction. I’m still off work for another few days. I had some holiday days to use up so I figured why not? I would lose them, otherwise. It’s a stupid rule. They won’t pay you the days due to you in cash, you have to actually be off. At my last place of work, you could call them in whenever you had earned them, and they would add your holiday pay to your wages or you could use them if ever you were ill too, so you didn’t have to lose money, which was handy.
These do everything by the book!
I have just about caught up with all the washing and sorting out from the holiday and I am still finding sand inside pockets!
I hope you have a lovely time, Kate. Have something fizzy for me. :)

Andy
Reply

Really don’t see the need in posting big wins, it will only encourage people to gamble. I know we have been down this road before on the subject, but i just don’t see the sense posting it to this forum.
Keep well away loser, or you know what will happen eventually

loser
Reply

Hi Andy,

Your right maybe I shouldn’t have posted it, however I have only done this once in the whole year + I have been on the site. Also a win like this is highly unlikely and I got too excited I had to share the news with someone. The whole year I have been posting my losses so I wanted to share my good news for once. Although I do know how you feel as I had a major issue with this subject too. We do though need to learn to control our emotions and that is a key figure in helping us quit gambling. When people post of relapse it makes me want to go play as I think well they got to play why can’t i? When people talk of online gambling and their wins I start to think wow you seem to win more gambling online and I have thought about it once or twice. However I know I need to control thee emotions otherwise I will end up online and I will relapse.
However I do know where your coming from and I hope mentioning my little luck doesn’t make you relapse. It was a huge fluke and I know that and I know chances of it happening again are zero to none!

Sorry I won’t won’t a win again

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