Comments

Katie
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Am going to try not to gamble at all tomorrow will be the first time in years wish me luck

Katie
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Hi trevor it is a terrible thing hate it so many of us out there think we have to fight back enough is enough in my early fifties now dont want to realize I have a problem in 10 years time life is too short got to get a grip we can do this and Joanne great to see your posts can so relate to everything you are saying

Katie
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Feel so stupid that I have let it get to this stage what an idiot really pleased that you have got this far well done want the same I even dream about slots lol I only play the same ones fluffy favourites always have done x

Joanne
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Gosh, I’ve just realised that both Katie and Trevor have been posting.

Sorry for waffling on guys.

I hope none of my comments have come across as being insensitive . I was just giving an honest account of how my addiction played out and how I came to the conclusion that my gambling addiction can only be explained as a drug addiction. Everything seems to point in that direction.

I didn’t realise that you guys had been posting whilst I was posting!

Back later ..

In the meantime, take care.

Joanne

Trevor
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Hi Jo and Katie,
I’ve been gambling for many many years and for me it’s the buzz initially then I realise the losses are mounting up, then in the same session I’m chasing my losses. If I start out with some good wins and time is on my side, I just keep playing instead of leaving with the win…I want to continue with my dopamine fix. I rarely gamble from the comfort of my home….I’m amusement arcade / bookies person / bingo hall slots. I’ve got a 90% self exclusions in place in my home town, but sometimes flout these and get away with it.

Addiction is a terrible problem. Just take a day at a time, try and put barriers in place to support the intention of not gambling even if slip ups occur.

Most of my very close family and friends know I gamble to some extent….maybe worth discussing it with a trusted friend or family member….but that is your choice….it can be a gamble pardon the pun.

Remember none of us a perfect, we all have our floors no matter how small or big….so someone close should understand.

Take care.

Katie
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It’s so good to speak to someone I have closed some accounts self excluded down 2 three sites now with limits on so I have made a start I will do this x at the moment I have a partner who is great but I couldn’t tell him want to stop so i can put it behind me been doing it so long now and no i will find it hard joanne

Katie
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When did you stop

Joanne
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Hi Katie,

If you’re feeling distraught about your gambling situation , please don’t despair. If you feel it’s time to commit to giving up gambling, there really is a lot of support out there.

I’m probably going to waffle on a bit now but hopefully you (and anyone else lookin’ in ) may find some of it useful and even if you don’t identify with all of it, it may get you thinking about your own situation . Everyone’s gambling experience will of course be unique to them.

I see from your post that you’ve gambled over a fairly long period of time. Although I’ve flirted with gambling for most of my adult life, betting on the Grand National, Royal Ascot etc , lotto, scratchcards, gambling didn’t cause me any real harm until l discovered online gambling.

Online gambling gripped me and within days/weeks I was hooked, and within months I was quite literally gambling around the clock, 24/7. I lived and breathed it , totally oblivious to the financial destruction taking place.

I personally have found it really helpful to my recovery to look back (retrace my footsteps , although much of it is a blurr) at my gambling episode to try and understand just what happened to me!! Why someone as level headed as me came to lose thousands and thousands of pounds in a relatively short period of time. I don’t just want to stop gambling, count days etc., I want to try and understand why this addiction happened in the hope that I will never find myself back in it’s grip.

Tbc

Katie
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Think mine started couple of years before my divorce had a really unhappy marriage and seen it as some form of escapism back then it wasn’t lots of money but now it’s got out of hand 7 years working for nothing playing catch up on Bill’s and rent good thing is I dont owe anyone it’s all my own money dont own Visa cards so want to stop coz the funs stopped and am really unhappy x family dont no no one does your the first person I have said it to and I hate myself for it feel ashamed joanne

Joanne
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So, like you, Katie, gambling has always held an attraction for me.( I’m ashamed to say I even introduced gambling to my son. He’s sport crazy and when he was young I would pop 100 quid in an envelope and whoever predicted the winning team , top scorer etc in a football tournament such as the World cup, Champions league etc bagged the prize money. I seldom won but happy days! )

So I always dabbled in gambling but why did I get in so deep when I discovered online Gambling?

Was it unfortunate timing that I discovered online gambling after my son had left home. I always thought he would take up an apprenticeship and stick around. However his best friend got tragically killed in a car accident around the same time as his girlfriend decided to leave. He felt ‘lost’ and decided that uni would give him a focus and the opportunity to meet new people. He took to uni life and I was happy because he was happy.

I sometimes wonder if he’d been around would I have gambled so recklessly? Okay, he’d be busy getting on with his own life but would his physical presence around the place been enough for me to question what I was doing? I’ll never know the answer to that one.

Tbc

Joanne
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So it wasn’t unhappiness that led to me going off the rails.

I was recently thinking about my life prior to discovering online gambling and all the snapshots flooding my mind are pretty much ‘happy ones’. I had a job that paid reasonably well, a nice home, like I just said my son was feeling happier which made me happy. Yep, I can honestly say life was pretty damn good.

So I think I can safely say that I wasn’t gambling because I was unhappy, lonely, or using it as a means of ‘escape’. Some people use gambling as an ‘escape’ , a distraction, so they don’t have to deal with or face up to issues that are distressing to them.

Tbc

Joanne
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So to recap …

Gambling always held an attraction for me …

Online gambling gave me the opportunity to gamble 24/7 in secret …

….

I was on my own so I was accountable to no one

…..

I had the financial means

And

There is a high prevalence of alcoholism in my family history so maybe something in our genetic make up which makes us prone to addiction. My sister was a functioning alcoholic after she lost her child in a tragic car accident. It can’t be a coincidence that their demise into addiction took hold as rapidly as mine. (I have taken great strength from having witnessed them overcoming their demons and gone on to lead successful lives )

So maybe the perfect storm was brewing ….

Tbc

Joanne
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I quickly became hooked to the point where I was gambling 24/7. It didn’t matter to me if I was winning or losing , as long as I was getting my ‘fix’. ie release of dopamine I wasn’t even aware of the losses. I dabbled in everything, bingo, horse racing, lotto, scratchcards and the pokies. I would even place bets on the virtual horse racing last thing at night so I could wake up to the anticipation of finding out if I had backed some winners.

Gambling was my drug. I wasn’t a gambling addict, I was a drug addict.

Tbc

Joanne
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Then the inevitable happened, I was running out of money and of course the losses were beginning to hurt. I didn’t want to win money to recoup my losses, I wanted to win money in order to keep gambling so I could get my ‘fix’ ‘buzz’ .

I would start the day on a high if my overnight bets proved lucrative, which they very often did, but by mid afternoon I would pretty much have lost it all. Frustration at not being able to hold on to any money would reduce me to tears. Sitting in my office at three o’clock in the afternoon, tears streaming down my face became the norm. It was dawning on me …. I had a major problem.

Getting a bit upset now which may not be a bad thing …

Tbc

Joanne
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Got myself together …

So I no longer could fund my gambling except through my wages. Some of you may wonder why I never went down the route of borrowing money to gamble. I know the reason for that, my upbringing, (thank goodness ) my parents are very old fashioned, strict, always pay their bills on time , if you couldn’t afford something, you simply did without it. I could never go ‘cap in hand’ to my parents! I’m totally reliant on myself hence the reason my priority at the moment is to build up some savings.

So I knew I had a problem, did an internet search on gambling addiction and the search threw up J Larcombe’s book. I scraped enough money to buy a copy. As soon as I received the book in the post, I read it cover to cover in one sitting and concluded that I was indeed a gambling addict. I knew that if I continued to gamble, I would lose everything. ( I really do owe this guy! )

My next internet search on gambling addiction took me to this forum ……

Joanne
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I was lucky in the sense that I had enough sense (intelligence, self awareness, whatever!!!) to realise that I had a problem. As bad as things were , it could have been a whole lot worse and for that I will always be thankful.

When I was skint I would spend hours putting in place self exclusions but as soon as I got money, I would search for an online casino that I wasnt self excluded from and would succumb to temptation. If I couldn’t find an online casino, I would spend hours and hours via live-chat begging the casinos to lift my self exclusions and allow me to play. Odd that I never once fell out or got shirty with an online casino advisor. I usually found myself having a bit of banter with them! Lol I was clearly off my f***ing rocker!

Tbc

Joanne
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I was struggling, I was beginning to FEAR that I was never going to get a hold on this addiction. Gamstop gave me the helping hand I desperately needed.

Gambling for me was never about making money, it wasn’t a means to escape any issues in my life, I had no issues. It was purely and simply a ‘drug addiction’. I was always conscious of the fact that I too could have easily fallen prey to an alcohol addiction. I guess gambling caught me off guard.

Ah well, what will be will be

Joanne

Joanne
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Just noticed your posts Katie. Don’t normally work Mondays but was willing to cover for someone. Just finished the breakfast shift!

Firstly a huge WELCOME to the forum although sorry to read that you’re struggling.

Like I said, I’m just finishing up at work but I’ll write at length later.

In the meantime take care

Joanne

Katie
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Hi jo thanks for getting back off today myself chat laterxx

Katie
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Hi Joanne been reading your posts it’s like I have wrote them started playing in bingo halls with friends nearly 30 years ago now was only 20 then but had a go on online bingo about 14 years ago was ok playing bingo wasn’t spending loads but I decided while playing bingo had a go at the mini games on the side only had 2 spins and won 650 from a 50p bet and that was it the first year I was doing ok I have had wins over the years but not very often but lately been playing and it’s like av been blocked from winning had enough want to stop and get my life back sick of spending my wages and nothing to show for it xx

Katie
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This seems like a good place to talk as I am a secret gambler no one knows and dont think I could tell family

Katie
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You sound like you’re winning in yourself at the moment am struggling so will check in to see how you are doing x

Katie
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Hi Joanne glad your doing well

Joanne
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Sunday night check in …. okay it’s Monday.

All fine ‘n’ dandy.

Hope all is well in your world.

Joanne

Joanne
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Just a quick ‘hello’ folks , things ramping up at work and expected to get busier over the Bank holiday weekend.

I’ll be workin’ :(

Decided to give up the ole metal detecting ! There’s only so much joy you can fake whilst unearthing old rusty bits of pipe covered in cat’s s*it! Haha Time to give up looking for that elusive pot of gold. Safely returned to my geeky brother’s garden shed.

Whatever you’re up to … buying cushions to brighten up that tired lookin’ sofa, treating yourself to some new gear, waiting patiently for your girlfriend as she tries on that 12th pair of jeans, enjoying the great outdoors, remember anything is better than gambling! If you’ve been too impulsive and change your mind you can always get a refund for those cushions! No refunds from the casinos/ bookies!

Go on spoil yourself, You’re worth it

.. yep, you, yes, you, no kidding, I mean you baby! Lol

Have a great weekend folks …

Joanne

Trevor
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Hi Jo. Thanks for your kind words and encouragement. Going through a good patch so fingers crossed I can keep it going some more.

Hope you are doing well too.

Joanne
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Thanks, Trevor. Really chuffed that things are going well for you.

Thumbs up!

(For some reason I can only get a few of the emoji to work on this forum but I’m sending you a ‘ thumbs up’)

Always a thrill to find someone else posting.

All the very best,

Joanne

Mystic Meg
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I predict the Royal baby will be born tomorrow and will be named May.

They got married in May and there’s a family connection to the name.

I’m off down the bookies!

Mystic Moron
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I predict your pockets will be lighter and you’ll have a face that looks like it’s been shat on by a seagull!

Joanne
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Being serious … I realise for most folks it’s payday. Don’t be tempted to have that ‘dabble’ , ‘A tenner won’t break the bank’ where’s the harm, etc.

As we know it never stops at a tenner for us guys. Don’t take the risk of being lured back into all that gambling shit. Having a lousy month until payday comes around again.

We can’t do ‘controlled gambling’. I tried to convince myself I could but now realise that the best way forward is to give it up completely.

The sun’s up, enjoy!

Joanne

Joanne
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Maybe I’m being too hard on myself. Sometimes I feel a bit conscious that I’m the only person who still comes in here, a bit of a saddo! but in fairness to me I’ve struggled on without any external help ie counselling etc. Posting here has been my one and only means of support so I guess in the grand scheme of things I’ve done pretty well to get this far.

Had a lovely evening meeting my baby niece who was born over the weekend. Such a wee cutie!

Joanne
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That’s me, I’m going to make a real effort to try and not post until Sunday.

I just find myself coming here when the cravings to gamble get strong, etc, etc on my day off and usually mid-week, the ‘mid week slump’ but I really do need to try and move on. I do envy you all, the way you’ve all moved on and have so obviously forgotten about this place and gambling.

I realise Trevor has posted recently, hope all is good. I always thought Trevor was ‘real’, the others all had biblical names! Lol lol lol

All the best,
Joanne

Joanne
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My aim of course is to be gamble free but considering I’ve been buying shop bought scratchcards for the past 24 years, although I did manage to abstain from buying them for a full year, I can expect the odd relapse.

I do envy the folk who over time manage to completely ‘switch off’ from gambling but I doubt I’ll ever be one of them.

A quick question for anyone out there … Just curious

Has the reduction in fobt stake helped you stay away from the bookies?

Chores complete … time for a ‘ cool one’ !

Joanne
Reply

A cola!

I’m no intention of sleep walking into another addiction!

Joanne
Reply

Just feel I’m slowly but surely getting back in control, back to the old me. Enjoying work, saving regularly … A ‘canny’ Scot.

The priority has been to build up some decent savings so I haven’t treated myself in a very long time but in 7 weeks time I’ll hopefully have reached my target and then I can ease up on myself and start enjoying life more. Got a few things in the pipeline.

Every day just feels so good and of course the glorious weather we’re having at the moment is an added bonus.

Just so relieved to be free from all that gambling sh*t. Pointless s*it.

Yep, it’s all good, baby! All good.

Joanne

Joanne
Reply

For me the goal wasn’t about counting days and being gamble free it was about getting back to my old self. It didnt phase me when I bliped, I expected to, I wasn’t seeking perfection. I just wanted to find my way back to a balanced lifestyle, the one I was happily living before I found online gambling … earning, enjoying life and being a regular saver. (Basically boring and sensible lol)
Gambling just leads to a chaotic lifestyle.

I know and more importantly accept that I’m someone who cannot gamble responsibly. It’s game over where gambling is concerned.

My only day off … so many chores to catch up on. I’m just so f**king boring! Hahahaha

Joanne

Joanne
Reply

*faze*

Joanne
Reply

Just been over on Gamcare. Good grief, you have to rummage around to find the most recent post on a thread. I don’t nose in folks diaries, just like to read the topics under discussion, it keeps you in the loop. Now you have to rummage through a thread to find the most recent post. Grrrrrrrrrrr

Joanne
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Hey, Hey, Hey… It’s a beautiful day and I can’t stop myself from smiling ..

If I’m drinking, then I’m buying ..

Joanne
Reply

Switching of the lights!

:(

Joanne
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On a serious note … There doesn’t appear to be any interest from anyone else wanting to use the forum. I realise of course it isn’t my call/ decision to disconnect the site but if the site was to be disabled that would be fine by me. But like I said, thats not my decision to make.

Joanne

Joanne
Reply

Good morning.

All good, baby!

Joanne

Joanne
Reply

Hope all is fine n dandy in your world.

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