Comments

Joanne
Reply

A tough week but keep reminding myself that gambling’s a fools game.

195 ……

Joanne
Reply

Lay in bed last night thinking and I’ve come to the realisation that I’ll never be able to leave gambling completely behind, it’s featured in my life for too long. It’s always going to be there, a fire I can’t put out (or a fire I don’t want to put out). Yes, I know its in my best interest not to gamble and I’ll continue to do my best not to succumb to its charms but if I surrender from time to time, I won’t beat myself up about it. (I may even allow myself to gamble a set amount of money from time to time). I now have the self-awareness and knowledge to know how to contain it and not let it get out of control as it did in the 3 years prior to stumbling upon this site. I shall always keep the safety nets in place but of course if a gambler wants to gamble he/she will always find a way.

I’d just like to say to anyone who may find themselves reading my posts, these posts are not intended as advice, etc they’re quite simply written thoughts about my gambling experience, conclusion and goals , in other words, my story.

Everyone’s gambling experience, reason (or no reason) for gambling, thoughts, views about gambling, outcome, will be different and unique to them and may not necessarily tie in with mine.

That’s it, that’s my story told!

Joanne

Joanne
Reply

Taking it one day at a time, not putting myself under any pressure, not telling myself I’ll never gamble again, I can’t guarantee that. I just know its in my best interest at this moment in time to give myself a lengthy break from gambling and build up a nest egg.

Droppin’ anchor, taking refuge so I can’t drift back into dangerous, unchartered waters. Lol

Good night

Joanne x

P.s. I took one of those online tests to see if I was indeed a gambling addict. You needed a score of 7 to be identified as a problem gambler, I scored a ‘5’ so I’m sailing pretty close to the wind!

194 days gf and countin’

Joanne
Reply

So back to the immediate plan …

Remain gamble free until July 19 and walk away from the forum (if it’s still active!) having achieved my goal of being one year gamble free.

And secondly, hit my savings target … and hopefully regained the value of money along the way.

On track to achieve both of these goals.

Joanne

Joanne
Reply

I sometimes wonder if it would have been easier to explain, rationalise and give up gambling if underlying issues were the reason I gambled. Address the underlying issues and there would no longer be a need to use gambling as a crutch.

For me there are no underlying issues , it’s just a love/hate relationship. Chancing upon a branch of PP was a bit like bumping into an old flame you hadn’t quite got over. (Sad but true ). I could feel my senses filling up, a kaleidoscope of emotions.

Maybe thats why most of you have moved on, you probably dont even think about gambling now that you’ve addressed the underlying issues.

I watched a documentary where Louis Theroux shadowed three guys who had a love affair with gambling. These guys booked into a hotel in Vegas for a weekend, three to four times per year. They brought with them a set amount of money and spent the weekend gambling. It didnt concern them if after the couple of days gambling they walked away as winners or losers they just enjoyed gambling. I could identify with them.

Towards the end of the programme, Louis asked them, if they enjoyed gambling so much why didnt they come more often. To which they replied, if we did that, we wouldn’t have homes, wives and families to go home to!

I think that’s where I want to get to .. someone who still can have an occasional blow-out but still has enough control to stop for periods and know the benefit from not gambling, saving regularly etc.

I think I can get there. I.just need to carry on as I am in the meantime.. give myself a long enough break away from gambling to get myself back in control.

Joanne

Joanne
Reply

I don’t think of myself as a gambling addict, just someone who loves to gamble but let it get out of control.

I’ve got what it takes to take back control …

Joanne
Reply

In the meantime taking it one day at a time to see how far I can go. Maybe it was an odd thing to say as someone who is trying to remain gamble free that I will probably gamble at some point in the future but for me it didn’t feel odd, I was just being realistic. I’ve had a lifetime’s association with gambling, I don’t gamble because of any underlying issues, I’ve always gambled purely for the love of it, something I’ve always been open and honest about since my arrival on here. I just let it get out of hand and I’m trying to get back control. Maybe I’ll never gamble again, maybe I’ll have the occasional blow out, get my fingers burned and give it up again for a few months, who knows! Like I said I’m just trying to get back in control so I can see the danger signs so it never gets as bad as it did in the three years prior to finding this forum.

Everyone’s experience, thoughts and goals with regard to their gambling will be unique.

In the meantime …. taking it odaat.

Joanne
Reply

193 days gf.

Gonna make an effort to stay away from the city and avoid the temptation of the bookies!

I don’t particularly like it in the Spring/Summer, full of tourists, buskers, chuggers, beggars, so called ‘ faith healers’ , collectors, sellers, it feels like every you know what wants to get his hands on your money.

Good night!

Lonesome Joanne

Joanne
Reply

It’s good to write down your thoughts, it helps straighten your head , those greedy c**ts aint gettin a penny out of me.

Back on track ….. 193 days and countin’

.

Joanne
Reply

I apologise for the bad language but when you watch the video that highlights how these machines are designed to be highly addictive and how they are programmed to produce a greater amount of ‘near misses’ than would naturally occur because research has shown that the gambling addicts brain reacts to ‘near misses’ as if they were ‘wins’ it’s hard to think of a better word to describe casino operators.

Every time I take crazy notions or positive, romantic thoughts about gambling, I shall remind myself …

‘Stupid is as stupid does’.

No more stupidity …. keeping it gamble free!

Joanne
Reply

One week away from 200 days gf but only one second away from my next bet. Spent the day in the city on Saturday, it chucked down all day so I was dashing around from street to street, dodging cars whilst crossing the road. I’d just left the post office and dashed across the road, not really looking where I was going, just trying to avoid being nipped by a car, looked up and there it was like a temple before me, a branch of PAD*Y POWER! The bold green signage just seemed to flick a switch on in my brain. I so wanted to go in and place a few hundred on some lotto numbers. I could feel myself being drawn in, like a moth to a flame. I could feel the butterflies, the anticipation, those old familiar feelings! Lol The noise of a car tooting it’s horn distracted me so I had to quickly move on.

I’m not naive, gambling will always hold an attraction for me, maybe one day I will cave in, who knows. However, in the meantime my priority is to improve my financial situation and prove to myself that I can remain gf for one year.

192 days gf.

Joanne

Joanne
Reply

It’s complex, a constant love/hate relationship, one half of me hates it for what it has cost me and the other half craves it!

Oddly enough I’ve never once regretted signing up to Gam-stop. It has completely removed any desire or interest to play the slots.

I just miss gambling as in placing bets .. predicting lotto numbers, horse racing etc. Pad*y Power was one of my favourite online bookies so that’s probably why I experienced such a flood of emotion when I chanced upon it on Saturday.

Weakening but still battling on ….

Joanne
Reply

Woke up this morning to lots of snow. Brrr it’s cold outside but everything looks so beautiful and clean in the snow.

I come to the forum because it keeps me focused. I think that’s why I’m doing so well this time around, keeping every available block in place, reminding myself that there is nothing to be gained from gambling, keeping focused. Savings growing nicely, bills paid on time, feeling like an achiever again instead of a loser, why risk all that on the spin of a wheel!

Keep doing what works for you, keeping it gamble free, Joanne ;)

P.s. I read yesterday that Bet365 were one of the companies that paid the greatest amount of tax to the treasury last year. If I recall correctly they came in second, doing my best to keep them of the top spot! Lol

Joanne
Reply

191!

Joanne
Reply

189 .. inching towards 200.

Joanne
Reply

Back to work on Tuesday, it doesn’t sound so appealing now! Lol Although it will keep my mind occupied, been dwelling on the losses too much lately and of course that can lead to hair-brain schemes on how to win it back which of course always ends in disaster!

Hope all is well with everyone. Have a good one!

No doubt talking to myself!

Joanne
Reply

Hope all is well with everyone, hope it’s a good weekend!

Every time I pass the bookies in my nearest small town I always have a look, man that place is always busy, usually guys in their 30s sitting at the machines on stools, tapping or rubbing their thighs looking thoroughly miserable and tense. :(

I went shopping last night around 7 pm and every machine was being used.

Joanne
Reply

Hare-brained, I always spell it wrong and include a hyphen.

Harebrained!

Joanne
Reply

To the Scots

☄ ☄ HAPPY BURNS NIGHT! ☄☄

And tomorrow

☄☄ HAPPY AUSTRALIA DAY ! ☄☄

Joanne
Reply

188!

Still getting endless email from the online casinos etc but it doesn’t faze me, I just hit the delete button. ;)

It’s only when you step away from gambling that you begin to realise just how altered your thinking was when you were in the thick of it.

Slowly healing …

Joanne

Joanne
Reply

187 days gf and the highlight of my day, finding a fiver in the pocket of a jacket I hadn’t worn in a long time. RESULT! Lol

Joanne
Reply

186.5 days gf! Lol

No more urges to gamble, a temporary blip, a combination of being frustrated at not getting back to work and weekend boredom .. back on track, nothing to be gained from gambling.

Focusing on reaching day 200.

Joanne
Reply

Keeping busy …. 185 !

Joanne
Reply

I see Mr Hill’s profits took a dip! Hee hee

Joanne
Reply

Still winning, 184 days gf.

Joanne
Reply

I don’t know why but the longer I remain gamble free, the feelings of guilt and sheer stupidity over what I have done seem to be intensifying.

I just feel so damn stupid for messing up my life through gambling.

I’m not going to excuse my behaviour by blaming it on an addiction, I was downright selfish and WRECKLESS.

Just writing this down to keep me on track.

Joanne

P.s. I’ve stopped referring to folk or making comments such as ‘best wishes’ etc because it’s obvious I’m the only person visiting the site.

Joanne
Reply

RECKLESS!

It appears WRECKLESS is not a word.

Joanne
Reply

183 days gf.

I don’t know why but started having desires to play the slots again. Been thinking about how exciting it used to be, hitting a decent bonus. The anticipation.

Mmmmm maybe it’s just boredom.

Still signed off work grrrr

Ah well.

Joanne
Reply

Just visualised logging into my bank account and finding a big hole in my savings.

Sensible head back on!

I’m not going back to that gambling crap.

Keeping it gamble free.

17 days to the 200 mark.

Joanne

Joanne
Reply

180 days gf.

I don’t feel great joy if I’m honest at being almost 6 months gamble free, just relief.

I haven’t attempted to look for an online casino in a long time now, rarely check the lotto numbers, no desire to gamble. I don’t visit the other gambling related forums, the only thoughts I have about gambling these days are ones of regret over what I have lost. Every now and then a feeling of sadness washes over me. Hopefully in time these feelings will subside.

Probably need to get back to work, keep my mind occupied, hopefully Tuesday.

Just keep telling myself to let the past go, it can’t be undone, conserve my energy for the now.

Keeping it gamble free.

Joanne

Joanne
Reply

179 days gf.

Joanne
Reply

Day 176 … the half way mark is in sight!

Looking back it feels like I must have experienced some form of temporary insanity, my brain must have been hijacked or something. It all seems so crazy now.

I just couldn’t imagine myself playing slots, depositing such ridicolous amounts of money now that I’ve allowed myself some space from gambling.

Whatever day you’re on, keep going, every day counts. Distance yourself from gambling and you’ll begin to think more clearly and see it for what it is.

All the very best, Joanne

Joanne
Reply

*Ridiculous* oops spelling mistake!

Joanne
Reply

Although it could be argued that it’s more a case of permanent insanity ….. with me always talking to myself! Hahaha

Still ill, so another week of work.

The other thing I’ve noticed, that once you stop gambling you achieve so much more. Gambling really eats into your time.

Joanne
Reply

Ill with a virus, feels like I’ve done 10 rounds with Lewis Lenn*x.

Day 174.

Andy
Reply

Hi everyone, been gamble free now for 60 days, the Xmas period was especially hard but I got through it. There seems to be a little light at the end of tbf tunnel I can see, it’s incredibly dim at the moment but it’s still there. Jane, loser, mat and everyone else I’ve missed out hope you are doing well.

Add your comment below:

Descargar musica