Comments

mOnica
Reply

Hi Jane, yes, everyone’s situation is different post gambling. I have literally just been diagnosed after a camera down the stomach for the gut conditions I developed when I did my last big binge and stopped. I have chronic inflammation of my stomach and small intestine plus irritable bowel, all as a result of gambling and the immense stress I put myself through. I was prescribed antidepressants but didn’t take them. Things started to improve and I thought that the anti depressants would just make everything worse. So the fallout lasts a long time. I am a different and better person though as a result of all of this. That’s the only benefit to all this!

Jane
Reply

I can definitely relate to the stomach issues, as can others on here. I am very sorry that you have all that to contend with, Monica. It is insult to injury, isn’t it. It is so stupid what we put ourselves through in the name of fun. It got so bad that my partner actually noticed that I would only leave off on the laptop to go to the loo and it just shows you what pressure our bodies are under when you can’t even hold on to the food you have eaten because of the stress you are under. I can certainly see why they have that saying because the money I was risking was nearly making me sh*t myself! :) I threw up a few times too because my heart was thumping so much and I had to pretend I had eaten something dodgy. I’m so glad to have put all that behind me. I was way out of control there for a while. I once laid awake for the entire night listening to my heart thump so bad that I swear it was going to pack up. It frightened me to death. I had lost a lot of money that night and didn’t know where to turn. My mind just raced all night and I was so afraid of what I had become.
I prayed for it all to stop, but a month later, I would just go and do it all again and I began to hate myself.

So much has changed for me, health wise. I have seen a huge physical improvement and also in my mental well being. Other than that, it is stalemate. You really have to take whatever positives you can from a gamble free life. It’s not all going to be good, and it’s not all going to be quick but what little does improve, improves a lot, if that makes sense. I find it is all the little things that seem more noticeable, like life just slowing down, having the time to notice things around you, being able to relax more and switch off more and of course, being able to relate and connect to things. That matters SO much to me because I literally disconnected and that made me feel so isolated and separate to not only my family but all those around me. Gambling is such a lonely addiction.

Monica
Reply

Hi Jane, yes the debt was always one of the triggers for me in the past. I let all my credit cards go and my bank. Because I was in treatment for a gambling addiction they left me alone. I changed my bank and was surprised to be accepted but I did not wAnt an overdraft, so that might be a reason. I will never use credit again. No interest is applied when you default and it goes to debt collectors. I would prefer that route than the ridiculous amount of interest I was also paying. I am 11 months gf. But I have not tackled any of the major debts. I have to face it at some point soon and apply,for bankruptcy as mine are 100k plus. The debt hangover will last me until I retire unless I file for bankruptcy which I will probably do. I have spent years avoiding it but really my debs are insurmountable.

Jane
Reply

Hi, Monica. It’s stupid isn’t it, you know the debt is there because of gambling, but that urge is still there to gamble to try to clear it. It is painfully slow. I would consider defaulting but I don’t want to add to the damage I have already done to my family. Half the debt is in my partner’s name but it’s not his debt. It’s mine. He didn’t even open the accounts. I did it all.
I am still hoping one day to get a mortgage and if I mess up our credit file any further, I would have such little options for the future. So I keep making payments but it is demoralising what I actually get from it. I am looking into options but I am wary because it isn’t just in my name. It affects both of us.
I just wasn’t thinking straight at all when I did all this. It was purely a case of getting hold of something to bet with, hoping that I could double it and be able to pay something off.
I wonder if I actually told them all about my gambling addiction, would they be any easier on me? I could try and ask for a better rate at least. I just don’t want to make things any worse.
11 months GF is such an achievement. You must be feeling some health benefits for going so long without it. My debt is not huge but it is compared to what I actually earn. I will have to pay it off nearly three times before it is clear! It is really hard to make those payments and then see nothing at the end of it.

Honestly, though, I feel so much better when I’m not gambling. I just have a clear head and I am settled emotionally. Having bipolar along with gambling addiction isn’t helpful. It’s a terrible concoction for the brain. No wonder sometimes I feel like pulling my hair out.
The moods can be quite hard to shake sometimes. I’m sure you understand, Monica because you have suffered a lot of depression too.
I’ve just had a nice walk out in the sunshine and I’m going to rustle up something nice to eat now. I hope you can find a financial option that works for you. It’s so hard to know what to do, isn’t it? There is so much advice out there but it is such a big step to take that I just keep plodding on but basically, I’m not getting very far at all and I think we can all be forgiven for feeling like it is all just too much.
Life is hard enough, then you have addiction on top of it and all the problems that go with it.
Just wish I’d never even placed that first bet. xx

Jane
Reply

Hi everyone, I haven’t gambled now for over 2 months but it’s so hard to feel able to move forward with so much debt still holding me back. I made payments for almost £1,000 last month on my debts and £672 has gone back on in interest. That’s criminal. I need a debt repayment plan or something but apparently I’m not eligible because I still have enough to live on, but it certainly doesn’t feel like it.
Can’t tell you what this amount of frustration does for gambling urges. Sometimes, I feel like I might as well still be gambling because I don’t get to see hardly any financial benefit. No I’m not adding to my debt, but It isn’t going down much either. All this money lost to interest makes my situation feel hopeless at times. I’m not even gambling any more but I’m still losing nearly £700 a month because of my gambling debt. It doesn’t make you feel very good.
All the benefits are things that have nothing to do with money, like just feeling okay, less stress, a free mind….
but when it comes to money, the debt creates a lot of unsettled and discontent feelings that will go on to punish me long after I stop gambling.

Also, my daughter found out about her college fund being empty. The bank sent out an annual statement and she opened it before I had chance to get to it first. I cancelled monthly statements so she wouldn’t see them but this one was a bit of a surprise. Something to do with new rates and privacy policy.
I wanted more time to be able to put it back before she needed it. I lost it all to roulette a long time back when I ran out of money to gamble with. I saw it as an last chance opportunity to try to win back what I lost in the bank. It’s around £2,000. She wanted to use it to buy a small car and pay for some tuition fees. She knows I have had a problem with gambling in the past and I will work with her to pay her back but I have already made my own situation very precarious as it is.
I can’t tell you how sorry I am for what I have done and she knows that too. She deserves so much better than this but the best I can do for her now is to walk away from the past and make the future free from gambling. Just wish someone would help me to help myself with this debt because I have so much drive to beat this addiction but I also feel so much conflict and frustration.

Think very carefully before you gamble. What you do may be with you for the rest of your life.
Hope you are all well, anyway. It is naturally very quiet on here now, but I just want you all to know that I wish you well and hope that you continue to try to leave gambling behind. It’s the single most important thing you can do for yourself.

Keep going and stay strong. Beautiful sunshine across the UK today. Hope you all enjoy it.

mat
Reply

Hi Jane there are companies who are dealing with debt problems my family used it some time back I heard multiple debt can be dealt with one payment or you can just not pay it like they did, ignore it till they stop sending letters. These loan companies and banks are criminals they cant do anything.
I never got a chance luckily to have any credit cards or loans because I could not get it because I had no credit history and no steady job.
I am still gamble free, this is it for me gambling was destroying me mentally since I stopped there is no acid reflux which I had daily, stress that gambling causes is killing us slowly from the inside.
Hope you get the debt problems sorted, good luck.

Jane
Reply

Mat, thank you for your help. I will look into what options are available to me. You are so lucky that you didn’t have the chance to get into debt. I’m really glad you are still gamble free. I hope because you are starting to feel better now that you will be encouraged to keep going. It’s so tempting to go back to gambling just for a quick fix but it is so pointless and just prolongs the agony. I have plenty of off days but like you, I am determined to crack it this time. I’m 42 this year so I need to get this sorted so I can have some hope of being able to enjoy life fully again.
I’ve been trying to keep busy and still going on runs. I am now 16 pound lighter than when I hurt my knees. I still eat a lot, ha ha, but I have made sensible changes to my diet and eat organic and lots of fruit and veg. Luckily, I enjoy cooking. I read that when you are overweight, your knees suffer and every pound of weight you lose, takes 4 pound of pressure off your knees. I have noticed that I have much more energy and am more positive about life than when I was sitting spinning wheels and haemorrhaging money. The way gambling messed with my head is one of the biggest reasons for giving up. I just can’t function when I am gambling, whether I am winning or losing. It just takes over everything and literally gets in my head so that I can’t even think about anything else.

I want to be able to leave the past behind but the stupid debt is always reminding me of my gambling and stops me from being able to do nice things without worrying about the cost. I worry it will end up making me go back to gambling but I have done everything I can to make sure that can’t happen. Guess, you just have to keep focused and keep going a day at a time.

It is lovely to speak to you again, Mat. Take really good care of yourself.

Hope the others are okay too.

Joe
Reply

Trying to stop playing slots in the hope of getting some money back…just gave in to temptation and lost the most I’ve ever lost in a day.

I’m in poor health, I have a poor job, and the only savings I’ve managed to keep are slowly draining away. How can these games be legal? They purposely tease the player into believing a win is coming. And why are so many videos online of people winning far more than they lose on these things? It all suckers me in thinking my losing “streak” is bound to end, but it never does.

My entire life is a complete mess. I have no skills or qualifications, no prospect of a career, no way to earn back the money these sites have stolen from me. Every day my anxiety grows, it freezes me from progressing with my life goals and ambitions.

Joanne
Reply

Nice try, CM

Keeping busy trying to earn extra money. Just got my electricity bill, it appears I’ve used 40 per cent less electricity this quarter than this time last year, less time spent playing the pokies! Hahaha

Fortunately my relatives aren’t coming until after my next pay day so that’s a relief! Phew. Feels like I’ve been given a get out of jail card!

Day 2 gf ….. aiming to be one week gamble free on Friday.

Joanne

CM
Reply

Joanne that isn’t me.

Joanne
Reply

Smart Gambler, for promoting gambling, you should be stripped and whipped.

Just been looking at my finances, not good, not good at all. I’ve frittered away approx 500 pounds in the last month. 170 on a rogue casino site and the rest on shop bought lotto tickets and scratchies.

Life’s been pretty good, enjoying my stint (covering a maternity leave) working in a hotel, the weather has been glorious, got a music festival next month to look forward to, so why on earth do I feel a need to gamble. It doesn’t seem to matter whether life is good or humdrum, if I can access money, I’ll gamble. I think it’s entirely about the chemical hit, thats what I crave. I’ll just as happily play 20 pence spins if I can only access a tenner as I would be playing 4 pound spins, as long as I can engage in the act of gambling.

But all these small amounts quickly add up. Time to get a grip. Kicking myself now, electricity bill due, plus my nephews and nieces usually pay a visit in the summer and I like to treat them. Gambling is just plain selfish. As they say, ‘ if it becomes a secret, you shouldn’t be doing it’.

Starting today, I’m going to aim for 4 weeks gf.

Have a good weekend.

Joanne

Monica
Reply

Hi Jane, as ever you and I are the same type of gambler. I also struggled to bond with anyone after splitting with my ex and to some extent still do. Some of it is because I am very fussy who I am friends with, and rarely meet a person who I resonate with, and secondly I think it comes from a fear of emotional pain that attachments can bring. Just some observations on reflecting on your post.

Jane
Reply

Same for me, Monica. I struggle to enjoy the company of others, even people I have known for years. I often feel resentful for the time people take up in my life and I don’t know why I feel that way. I often feel when we meet up that it is forced and there is always something else I would rather be doing.
I don’t like that I feel that way but that’s how it is. I can’t connect to them on any meaningful level. When I socialise, I feel like I am doing what I should be doing, what I should be enjoying, but it is often just going through the motions of trying to do what is considered normal.

People are meant to enjoy the company of others and when you don’t, it makes you feel different and against the norm. I don’t want anything from people you see, I like my own company and my own time. People tend to enjoy my company and they don’t understand my need to keep people at arms length. I have my family and my work and I am happy with that.
Gambling was on my terms, when I wanted it. It was just me and the laptop.
Unfortunately though, the no-strings attached relationship I thought I had with gambling has proved to tie me down far more than any relationship. Seems I am bound to this one for life in some way or another. It has left me with an awful lot of emotional and financial baggage and made any relationships that I did have, very difficult at times.
I am struggling with my partner at the moment. We are arguing a lot. He expects me to get better far quicker than I am able to. He thinks that I should be able to just snap back now that I am trying to quit and gone 2 months without it. He tries to understand but fails to see just how 8 years of reclusive gambling has affected me. I’m just not the same person anymore and anyone reading this should listen carefully because gambling leaves far more mess behind than you think. This is about so much more than losing money.
I am resentful of the time I have spent gambling. I don’t want my money back anywhere near as much as I want my 8 years back. Since no site is going to offer me that, there is no point throwing away any more time.
I am never gambling again.
Take care Monica and all.

Jane
Reply

Since giving up gambling, I’ve been working on ways to stay stopped. Going a few weeks or months is the easy part for me. Staying clean for anything past that is something I have to work on day by day, especially during times of stress or illness.
I recognise that I bonded with gambling because I was finding it difficult to bond with anything or anyone else. I think this is why the best anti gambling strategies are those that involve time spent with family, friends, counsellors, GA meetings etc as often it is that same human connection that we miss while we are gambling. Being around people can help to re-build connections that have got lost through years of gambling.

Tell people that you are trying to quit and get others involved with your efforts. That way, you will be encouraged to stay on track and will also be letting someone else down if you relapse which might deter you from wanting to gamble. You can’t beat having someone around when you get cravings and urges to bet. They can help you fill your time and make sure you keep focused. A gambler finds it very easy to hurt themselves. After all, we have all become masters of self harm all these years and we often struggle to see it as such. Perhaps the harm can be better seen when it affects others in your family, your relationships, maybe even your work? I know from my own experience, that it was the harm that I do to my family that held far more sway than anything I have put myself though. It matters more because they are innocent and I abused a position of trust. Just find your reason to stop and let it motivate you.

We have trained our brain to crave stimulation, so it is really important that you keep your mind occupied while you are trying to abstain. Plan lots of interesting things to do and don’t forget the all important reward element. We have trained ourselves to want this too, so make sure you treat yourself when you reach your targets. It isn’t easy giving up, so make it as rewarding as possible. Just don’t reward yourself with gambling as this will only strengthen your addiction. Rewarding yourself with the same thing you are trying to give up sends the wrong message to your brain because it says if you go so long without it, you can have some at the end of it which is of course no good for you in the long term.

Gambling filled in the gaps in my life. It helped fill my time, it filled my pockets (for a while) and it filled my thoughts. It kept me from thinking about stuff that bothered me and helped me to focus on something ‘fun’ and stop me from dwelling on negative thoughts. When you want to stop gambling, you must find something else to fill that gap. Don’t try to replace gambling, but instead, just fill your time with lots of different things to do. That way you won’t compare what you are doing to gambling as it will almost always seem dull when compared to the high that gambling brings. It’s not about forcing ourselves to do something instead of gambling, it’s just about making sure that we don’t get bored and lose focus. Keep swapping and changing and keep it interesting.

Remember that no matter what you do to prevent yourself from gambling, it won’t stop you from getting urges now and again, so go easy on yourself when it happens and don’t panic. Urges can’t force you to gamble. Just take a time out, breathe, take a walk, get some air, or get busy with something else. Above all, don’t feel a failure for having urges. They are not a sign of weakness, they are just whispers from the past, trying to remind you that you used to be a gambler. Remember you are in control and you are stronger than you think you are. People give in to urges not because they are weak but because on some level, they still want to bet. Urges can’t make you do something you don’t want to do. If deep down, you really want to stop, then hold your ground and don’t gamble. Urges will weaken as time goes on and you will feel more able to cope day to day.
Beat gambling addiction one day at a time.
All the best to all of you.

Joanne
Reply

I’m back, I bet you all missed me! Lol I’ve been to a concert in Glasgow.

Unfortunately still gambling too much, need to take stock. Things are spiralling out of control.

Joanne

Smart Gambler
Reply

I started gambling two years ago and that worked for me. I dived into many roullete and blackjack strategies and won a lot of money.

Jane
Reply

Ah….the fool and his money………..a bookies idea of a match made in heaven.

I hope you and your addiction are very happy together.

Monica
Reply

Hi all, good to see Jane posting. Sorry to hear Andy that you relapsed, must be in the air. I hope not too much damage was done. Another friend has relapsed and I too have been triggered by a less than great holiday. But three months ago, a holiday would have seemed impossible. But not gambling enabled me to go to Malaga for a week when my current contract ended. I still haven’t even tackled the big debts 11 months on, this is such a long haul…. This week I hit 11 months gambling free. Have finished the gma programme but know it can seem uphill when our lives hit problem points or when a few things go wrong at the same time which they have for me recently.
I am sorry for this site and how bad it has gotten. The multiple personality show. We do need somewhere to go for support and here feels just too unsafe right now.

Jane
Reply

Monica, I am happy to see your post. Also, how good that you have completed the GMA course and gone 11 months without gambling. Well done to you. The debt is always lingering, I know. It is hard to shake that element of our past even if we let go of the losses, we still have to pay them back! It’s not the same as losing money in the bank and then just accepting that it’s gone. You simply can’t leave it in the past because debt affects the present and the future. Debt is a major source of urges and the gambling companies know this very well, even targeting and emailing me to tell me that they know cash is low so why not try to double your money! It is shameful. Soon, I hope that gambling directly on credit cards will be a thing of the past, though it won’t prevent people from getting into debt in order to gamble. After all, I never made deposits with credit cards, I just lost all my money in the bank, then filled up the credit cards with my food shopping, bills and living expenses since I had nothing left to live on. All my credit cards are now cut up so the debt can only go down. I have stopped leaving that door open to gamble because I know that while it is there, I will go through it. No access to money equals no gambling. Gamstop is a blessing. I have no intention of trawling through sites trying to find somewhere I can bet. I hope you finally got yours sorted. I recall you had some issues with registration.

Glad you had a small break away. Life without gambling can carry on but it is slow and plodding at times, especially when we want to move on faster than is possible which has always been my trouble.

Sorry your friend relapsed and that you have had urges too, Monica. Regardless of our financial situation, or desire to stop, urges to gamble will always come. I have had a patch of urges lately too and I am still working through them and trying to see them for what they are; the leftovers of my past as a gambler, rather than looking to explain why they still bother me now. I try not to attach too much meaning to them because I know that no matter what I do, they will continue at certain times of my life, so I dismiss them, knowing that I have done all I can to make positive changes for the future. Urges are like footprints of the path we once walked. Even though we now choose a different path, they still appear and try to redirect us back to our old ways.
Stay strong, Monica, keep going.

Going to enjoy the lovely sunshine now. You can’t beat a good, long walk in the open air when your head is full of spaghetti. That’s how mine feels when I have urges. It just feels tangled and conflicted. Hope things get better for you very soon, Monica.

Jane
Reply

Hi Andy, nice to finally have someone proper to talk to. Sorry it is under these circumstances. Try to remember the positives, and that being that you are still doing really well because you are still trying to give up gambling. Relapse doesn’t mean the end of the world, although I know it can certainly feel like it.
You have shown some restraint and control by not blowing a major amount, so get back on track and get that positive feeling going again. Think of how much you have saved by not gambling and how much better you have felt for staying clean. Life is good without gambling and it will get better for you too.
I am still gamble free, around 60 days I think. I won’t gamble again because I know that I surrender all control when I do. It’s kind of all or nothing for me, and I naturally prefer nothing! I still owe about £13,000 in debt but I feel positive that I can get that gone in the next 2-3 years, maybe even sooner.
I have a holiday coming up soon and I am just looking forward to doing nothing much at all. Just chillin’, sippin’, and sunnin’! Ha ha.
Mentally, I feel strong but I have my off days. The one the other day was a bad one and I didn’t even feel like sharing it on here what with all the nonsense being posted. Those days are the worst because a few minutes on here and a friendly response was enough to keep me focused and stop me heading for the wheel. Now I have to look elsewhere and only drop in here occasionally when someone posts something worthy of response.
It’s hard to get a bit of a chat out of anyone anymore and I miss that.
Anyway, Andy, take very good care of yourself and leave your relapse behind you. Mistakes will happen but they can have a positive purpose if you learn from them and let them guide you for the future.
Hope all the others are well. Take care. :)

john
Reply

Hi everbody i 7 days gamble free at last and i try big to not gamble is everybody keeping clear from gambling hope so i think nobody caming to check on this site becouse of you joanne nobody care for you you always speack rubbish and you put danger friends on this site to gamble why you always talk what you did how much you lost we dont need to know what you do can you pls anderstand a leave this site alone if you leave everbody cames in agian but if you leave you have to leave 10 names sure in all sad joanne you are jealess becouse you cant stop you love the money and love chase your money always say that you stop and next day you say that you gamble att rethink can you kick out pls (plus10 names) pls

Vxxxx
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Hi dr nick!

Joanne
Reply

Go shovel some horse s**t!
We know fine it’s you CM.

Dracula
Reply

Joanne I’d love to sample some of your lady juices. Mmmmmm yummy

Andy
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Hi everyone. Just relapsed. Not in a major way, but I’m gutted because I was going so well, now it’s back to square one.

Andy
Reply

Also the people in this thread, get a life.

Joanne
Reply

The worse bit, wakening up with that sinking feeling that you’ve lost money. Compared to previous gambling sessions 170 pounds is lightweight, just as well I couldn’t access any more money.

I don’t know why I have this need to gamble, life is pretty good right now, I think it’s the ‘chemical’ hit I crave. I’m probably destined to be a life-long gambler albeit on a smaller scale.

Glorious sunshine again! Time for work.

Joanne

Joanne
Reply

Only had to pop into work for a couple of hours today, working over the weekend. Started looking for a site to play on and of course found one. I deposited 20 and got my balance up to £440. Played on and lost it all. Deposited another 150 and got my balance up to £940. Yep, couldn’t stop pressing the button and lost it all as well. Now 170 pounds out of pocket and feel like crap. I need a good slap, I told myself this time things will be different, I’ll walk away with any winnings, not a chance, just got more reckless with every win. Nothing changes, do yourself a favour and stay away from gambling.

Joanne

Bobby
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you truly destroyed this website with all the garbage you bring.

Joanne
Reply

I’ll look forward to some interesting posts from you, Bobby seeing as mine are such garbage but then again all we’ve had from you so far are cheap shots at me so I live in hope.

So bored with all the vulgar expressions and vile comments on here. I come here because I’m going through a daily battle with a gambling addiction, one which I fear I’m destined to lose.

Mat, Nik, Jane’s, etc posts are usually fairly repetitive in nature but yet again I’m the person targeted.

Joanne

IBBY
Reply

Hope you do lose as you are a good for nothing slag

Jane
Reply

Needed some support today but rather than come here and invite some stupid comment upon myself, I had a chat on Netline over on GamCare. They offer a live chat support where you can talk to an adviser about your gambling issues and to offer support and advice.
Just as well really since putting up a post here is about as useful as t*ts on fish.

Joanne
Reply

On a break ….. LOSER, let us know how you’re doing?

Everyone else appears to be doing well, I hope all is good with you.

I’m back to day 1.

Joanne

Dracula
Reply

You really are one pathetic loser

Joanne
Reply

You must be a long term regular to this Forum, it’s been over a year since Loser posted under ‘Dracula’!

Joanne

Joanne
Reply

Anyway not really concerned about my gambling. I’ve just checked my tickets, pretty much broke even. I’ve met my savings/leisure /living costs target for this month and last month so that’s what counts. As long as I can’t access the slots, I should be okay. I thought once I signed up to Gam stop I would stop thinking about them but for some reason I still get urges to play.

Time to get ready for work … another long shift, although I do enjoy strolling home late in the evening down my quiet country lane.

Joanne

Jed
Reply

Hoping to get bummed senseless

mat
Reply

28 days gamble free, this time I am staying away nothing good can come of it only you can lose a lot money be stressed and depressed.
I relapsed many times thinking it will be different and that I can win my money back its never happening because the wins they give us are only to keep us gambling more and in the end it they always get it plus your money which you cant afford to lose. Do you want to risk your well being to try to win few hundred or couple of thousands? its not worth it.
Stay strong people and don’t give in to the stupid habit

Jane
Reply

A post worth praising. Nice one. Good going, Mat. Keep it up. Gambling will never change but WE can. Get out, enjoy the sunshine, enjoy the freedom that not gambling brings. You can’t ever feel this good by gambling. It comes from just being yourself and living in the moment….a nice meal, a nice movie, listening to your favourite tunes, a lie in on weekends…..whatever. Absolutely anything is better than that feeling after losing. It feels like you got kicked in the gut over and over again. Your head is filled with dread and regret and you just want to sleep to forget. And if you win??? so what, the bad feelings are going to come eventually. We all know it. It’s why we all feel unsettled when we win. We know it’s only a matter of time. Why put yourself through it like you say.

No amount of money won or lost can make us stop gambling. It has to be about something OTHER than money. We have to find a reason to stop that’s enough to keep us on track. For me, it’s about finding peace and contentment again. Just being able to be in my own company without hating myself and self loathing. Being able to relax and just be myself without being tormented with urges to gamble or the regret of losing.

Keep the good times going. Let’s kick gambling to the kerb because if we don’t, gambling will kick us to the kerb and who knows??? We may end up in the gutter for life.
55 days and happy. Stay well, Mat.

Anon
Reply

or whatever ……. sex?

Joanne
Reply

When Miriam appeared, my first thought was … that sounds like Monica.

But then again I thought, it could be our troll playing tricks.

Anyway day 5!

Luke
Reply

I started gambling when I dropped out of university I felt like a failure. I was 22 years old then. I got depressed and became dependent on alcohol. I then started to look for a quick rich schemes online then stumbled on online poker. I must have lost over 60 000 or more pounds. I also suffer from occasional mental illness such as depression and anxiety I maybe am bipolar when triggered but not diagnosed. I don’t know what else to say I can relate to everything other people here has been saying. It is an awful illness and it is easy to relapse. Today I disappointed myself by gambling again to try and chase my loses. It is really hard to stop.

?
Reply

smells like that tart joanne all over it

Joanne
Reply

You really must get over this obsession you have on me, it appears its now keeping you awake at night CM.

From today onwards I’ll just be checking in at the end of each day.

Joanne

CM
Reply

That’s not me. Nor is any of the other names trolling you. You really are a hateable person aren’t you

Joanne
Reply

Not in the real world where it matters.

As for here, if people want to waste their time having a pop at me, more fool them.

Joanne

There appears to be a lot of biblical names floating about, Mark, Luke, John, Miriam, Abraham etc or perhaps biblical names are in fashion.

Joanne
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P.s

Why do you just target me, I’ve noticed you’ve stop targeting the others?

Interesting, you’ve even stopped swearing!

CM
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You forgot Matthew lol

Joanne
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Smacks of someone hoping that Joanne gets the blame for it.

If by some long chance you are for real Luke, I apologise.

Joanne the tart! Lol Why have I been labelled a tart?

NIK
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Have been tempted to gamble by the world cup. Thought I’d just stick a tenner on. But I know it would lead to another tenner and another, and before long the slots, so I resisted.

Over six months gamble free now. Another couple of months and I will have broken my record since the addiction began.

Jane
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Happy for you, Nik. I know how much this means to you. Keep focused and keep going. Don’t open that door again even for a one-off bet. There’s no such thing for people like us. Happiness is in leaving it behind completely. That way, all the possible outcomes won’t torment you. Gamblers are always trying to control things. It’s where much of the need to bet again comes from; that inability to accept that it just didn’t go our way. Some of it is in losing money, but most of it is simply in losing.
Our personality traits contribute to the reason many of us got hooked in the first place. Sometimes, we take to gambling because things are not quite right in our personal or working lives. People might feel that their happiness is out of their control and that life lacks meaning, so they might look to gambling to make them feel like they can take back control of the way they feel and have some say over their lives. Winning validates people when life may let them down, it throws its arms around you, bigs you up and soothes your worries. It says it doesn’t matter what others think of you because I’m here for you…..but once you come to rely on it, it will throw you out like trash. Gambling doesn’t enhance lives, it doesn’t make life exciting and it doesn’t matter more when there’s money on it. Gambling hurts. It takes the good out of life. It puts nothing in.
Your life got better the day you started counting, Nik. Don’t ever go back.

Joanne
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Checking in, day 4.

Jane
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Just a quick post to offer support to anyone who may still read the site.

Day 53. Filling my days with sunshine and all the things I have missed these last 8 years. I can see how much of myself I surrendered to gambling. No wonder people feel lost when they try to stop. You really have to fill the void if you want to stop for any length of time. I have salvaged what little was left and will build on it each day until gambling is a distant memory.
Lost 9 pounds in weight and able to move around as normal again. I am enjoying my mobility and will never take that for granted again. No more sitting around, wasting time. Not being able to even stand and support my own weight was the best thing to happen to me. It woke me up and gave me the kick I needed to see the important things in life. Now I get up, go out, make an active effort to be happy and make the most of each day. I don’t sit around any more expecting a machine to make me feel something. Even if it gives you a few quid, it will take it back again the next time. Happiness from gambling is an illusion. It is not real and it does not last. All it will do is make you depend on it for everything until you can’t think or feel anything without it.

Every day that passes is another day in the good, most days without trying and that is mostly down to Gamstop. It has removed the temptation for me and freed me up to do other things. Gambling fills me with dread for the most part with only the occasional flutter of excitement that I am able to rationalise away. If I do get urges, I remind myself of the overall effect of my 8 years of gambling which is depression, anxiety, health problems, family and personal problems and of course, debt. So forget about individual sessions where you may have won. They will only serve to keep you gambling and as they say, what sense is there in looking for happiness in the same place you lost it?

The thought of gambling again disgusts me for the time wasted, for the sadness and the harm. I want nothing more to do with it or with that part of me. I see my addiction as a part of myself that diverged from what was normal. A part that rebelled and looked to self destruct while the other part of me was seemingly along for the ride, whether I liked it or not. When you are finally able to see the sense in stopping, stopping becomes easier. You stop fighting it. You allow yourself to exist alongside the gambler instead of surrendering to it. You can separate that part of yourself and control comes back a little at a time.

Wishing you all the very best.

Jane
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Just read my own post back and I chuckled cos it reads as though I couldn’t stand and support my own weight because I was so fat! Just so you know, in case you don’t know me, it’s not that I was fat, I just blown both my knees while out running and suffered torn ligaments. I will not be appearing on A Year To Save My Life any time soon. :) Losing weight has helped me leave gambling behind by filling my time and giving me a focus and a new goal. It has helped me to appreciate all the things I am able to do and that I should make the most of my time, talents and energy.
Stay well, talk in a few weeks.

Joanne
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Day 3 survived!

Joanne
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New beginning …

1 day gamble-free.

Joanne

IBBY
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You BORING BORING BORING BORING BORING BORING WASTE OF SPUNK, YOUR MUM SHOULD’VE SWALLOWED YOU

Joanne
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Here we go again, another random poster. What a weird thing to say.

Joanne

Joanne
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2 days gamble-free.

Hopefully the trolls will get so bored with my boring posts that they’ll disappear hahahaha

Anway been out on the town, I’m a little tipsy so I’m off to me bed. 5 am start.

Joanne

Joanne
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Argh!

CM
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On your own? You’ve obviously got no friends. Sad

Joanne
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I spent the day in the city yesterday. I was walking behind this ‘nut job’ who was talking to himself, carrying a cat carrier. I noticed the carrier was empty so obviously the guy was sounding off to an imaginary cat. As he walked past a guy who was begging, the nut job asked the guy, would you like a cat?! I couldn’t help myself and burst out laughing. The homeless guy caught my eye and winked, started laughing too and said, no thanks, I think you need him more than me!
Perhaps the guy should have offered the imaginary cat to me, then I could have given him to you to add to all your other imaginary posters …. ST, Bobby, John, Abraham, Ibby ……………….. hahahahaha

john
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Joanne i think you have obout 10 names on this site you are always playing around but nobody cares about you do one

Joanne
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I care about ‘me’, hence the reason I’ll keep trying.

Odd how we’ve had all these random posters CM, John, ST, Abraham, etc all crawling out of the woodwork to have a pop at me and yet they’ve never mentioned anything about gambling issues.

Joanne

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