Comments

Isla Joanne
Reply

Diary update – well what a lovely day I’ve had. Listened to some of my favourite music ,had nice food, won a few quid and best of all, I got no flak on Rethink.

mat
Reply

You are pathetic.

NIK
Reply

Day 93 today.
1 week to 100.
Have had a few urges here and there over the past couple of weeks, but managed to resist them.
To be honest it helps when I hear about others losses, which seems bad of me.
Please everyone, don’t suffer any more losses.
Let ‘em starve!
Here’s to 100 days!

Trevor
Reply

Brilliant Nik. Congratulations on day 93 and the impending 100.

Jane
Reply

Really well done, Nik. Worked my days out, I’m on 59. Feels like it should be a lot more but this year has been a really weird one so far. The weather is all over the place and it doesn’t feel at all like April. Feeling okay in myself which is good.

Isla Joanne
Reply

Diary update – Got fed up blasting music, and as I was bored during the afternoon decided to do some research on whether a person could earn a living by being a professional gambler. Then I started sneezing, always a sign that money is coming to me.

Decided to read the Daily Mail online and then I saw it ,an advertisement for a casino . I signed up and deposited 50 which I lost , then 50, then 100 , then another 100 and then 200, 500 down. Deposited another 500 and got up to 800. I thought shall I cut my losses and call it a day. Carried on and got up to 1800, 800 quid up , carried on playing lost 200 and quit at 1600, 600 up.

To protect my win , I’ve timed out for 6 weeks. Got a bad feeling , the site looks familiar, withdrawal hassle ahead me reckons. Mind you I spent over 300 last week on lotto , only won 57 . Hopefully I’ll get my money paid out within 6 weeks and then I’ll self exclude by live chat.

Back to day 1 …..

John
Reply

Protect your win? You’ll be all over casino like flies over fresh lump of shit coming here talking of wins where people have a problem they gave you 600 so you can comeback and give them another 3000, you are a sucker and nobody likes you here got it?

Isla Joanne
Reply

Disliking someone doesn’t give anyone the right to wrongly accuse them of something they didn’t do. If you don’t like me just ignore me.

I am a gambling addict, I have openly and honestly recorded all my wins and losses on here since joining the forum. I’m just stuck on the merry-go-round stage. … win , lose, lose

I relapsed , sometimes you win, sometimes you lose when you relapse. Today I got lucky so in order to hang on to my win (Well I probably won’t hang on to it in the long term) I put a 6 week time out on my account which means I can’t go back and reverse it and lose it. When they pay me out in a day or so, I’ll then go onto live chat and self-exclude. So no they won’t be getting the money back but I dare say I’ll lose it somewhere else. Like I just said , I’m stuck on the merry-go-round stage of this addiction.

Tomorrow I’ll start counting my gamble free days again!

Isla Joanne
Reply

It’s my journey , I’ll tell it as it happens. I don’t come here looking for advice or support, to be told how to think or feel, I just come to write it all down . I’ll work it all out for myself , in my own way, at my own pace. Hopefully without any more flak.

Like I said if you don’t like me , just ignore my posts.

Trevor
Reply

Last sentence edit. Before gambling.

Trevor
Reply

Hi,

Going through some relapses recently which is hard as I couldn’t seem to help myself. Feeling more positive now after reading the posts and in particular from Jane…..Really pleased to see your posts as they really help me. Thank you for the mention Kate.

I’ve been Without the internet for 3 days and now wonder if I had my phone charged and had seen these posts if my gambling relapse would of happened…who knows.

Need to redouble my efforts. Tomorrow I’m going to abstain from another slot machine hall…then there will only be 2 places for me t go.

My relapse happened when I had a trip to london, so out of the safety of my home town where I have lots of self exclusions in place. Back home now and need to focus on me, my wife and getting into a routine and hopefully start going to the gym. Want to lose 20lb for November and maintain this for xmas and the new year.

Need to focus people and hobbies that are going to do me good and not be selfish and waste lots of my income and that of my wife down the slots. The time wasting, lies and deceit needs to stop.

Let’s all become the people we want to be. That could be simply the person we knew we were gambling.

Happy Easter

Jane
Reply

Sorry to hear you have had a difficult patch, Trevor. It does seem that your urges may have been triggered by a sense of freedom, being away from home and the lack of restrictions that went with it. Sometimes, we can feel like we are entitled to a little flutter, especially when we are in a different environment, because there is that feeling that perhaps you may be lucky in a new place, different rules apply, and we can disregard the usual discipline and control that we have back home. It is typical ‘letting your hair down’ mentality but since it harms you, you now feel that sense of remorse which is a positive thing in itself.

That’s the mentality I had when I kept swapping sites, trying to get that ‘newbie’ good luck. I thought things would be different with another site, like starting afresh. Sadly, even though some were initially lucky, they all ended up the same way, taking everything back that they gave me and a load more of my own money on top.
That’s what wins do. They just condition us to believe that we can win again, and then when the fun inevitably stops, we can’t accept it. We then go on to give them all the win back and our own money too. We get baited every single time and even though we know this, we still fall for it time and again.
What matters is that you recognise that this is not the person you want to be, so scratch it up as a minor blip and get back that happy feeling that comes with feeling empowered to stop.
Don’t let this set back make you feel negative, Trevor. You have done so much to help yourself and protect your self and your family. Feel proud that you recognise this relapse as a mistake, forgive yourself and let it strengthen your resolve for the future. Look forward to that nice holiday you have planned with the Mrs and don’t let gambling get in the way of what you really want out of life.
All the best, and thank you for your kind words, Trevor. Your posts help me too. :)

Trevor
Reply

Hi Jane,
Thank you for the last post. I do need to forgive myself but sometimes that is easier than at other times.

It freaks me out sometimes how powerful the addiction is and the hold it has. At no point has anyone had a gun to my head telling me to gamble, nor have my friends encouraged me…they just think I’m an idiot for doing it. It’s just one of life’s hurdles that we have to conquer.

Let’s all keep strong and keep abstaining.

Jane
Reply

That’s why it hurts so much when we relapse because we know that we did this to ourselves. People can have all the knowledge in the world, have all the horrible memories to draw upon, yet still the addiction wins. Everything that went before goes out of the window. All the harsh lessons….It stands for nothing simply because each time we gamble, things could be different so it pulls us to try again. My last relapse was scary because I felt as though I was well out of my depth. Like it wasn’t even me doing it, just watching it. After the first thousand, panic set in, and the only way out was to keep gambling or face the loss which at the time I couldn’t accept. I was too proud. So the £1,000 became £3,000 in minutes. Months of work and talk of never gambling again gone in a few spins. At that point, I wanted to die. I will say that much. I felt like such a let down telling my partner and seeing his face change the way it did. I hurt him badly because he trusted me but I cannot even trust myself. Such despair after having so much hope, ripped away in a few moments of madness. I never want him to hurt because of me, yet I felt like I couldn’t stop myself. I hurt him because I couldn’t accept that I had messed up and lost the thousand so I tripled the loss out of pure selfish arrogance. Not wanting to admit that I had messed up. If I won it back, no one would have to know that I had gambled again. That bothers me a lot, like it does you, Trevor. We don’t mean no harm, but at times we feel powerless to prevent it.

My partner spent the rest of that night looking around the house for what he could sell. I spent the rest of the night doing the same. I stayed up out of the way and didn’t share in the family meal. I cooked it, but couldn’t eat. I ask God please don’t let that happen to me again, but I know that I do this to myself. It is my own doing, my own self that I need protecting from and that makes you feel really out of control and vulnerable like a werewolf trying to hide from a full moon, not wanting to hurt those he loves.

I knew the risks yet I took them anyway and paid the price. That’s the worst thing about this horrible addiction, Trevor, the not knowing when it will happen again, the way you are okay one day, then boom, you’ve gone again. That’s what hurts me the most. Never knowing what the day will bring because of my own doing. How stupid it is, that with all the uncertainty life can bring, the one thing that bothers me the most is what I am capable of doing to myself.
I really hope that you can move past this last obstacle and find peace in a life without gambling. It is truly frightening how much of a hold it has over us and I don’t think it ever really lets go, not unless we learn to let go first. I let go of gambling with one hand, but I still cling to it with the other. One day, I hope to be free from its grasp but the scary thing is that with gambling, whether that happens or not is entirely down to me. We have so much control over what happens to us and at the same time, we have none.

Trevor
Reply

Hi Jane,
I can relate to what you are saying and the chasing the loss and hoping to get to break even can just drive us further into a bigger loss. I really hope you continue and keep the relapses to a bare minimum or nothing.

Nobody can change the past, but we can strive to do our best in the future…keep strong…keep abstaining…..if you feel like you’re going wobble, stay tough, or if you are unable to do this, be smart….what I mean by that is, play out the wobble, but you keep a lot of control. For me that would be agree a spend amount with my wife and be honest where I’m going and not skulk out of the house using lies etc.

This means I keep my honesty and an agreed spend amount and when it’s done it’s done. I come home with my head held high.

The key is that afterwards we get back on the abstaining path straight away. We had a controlled blip.

Hope you have a nice break in lreland.

Let’s all keep strong…let’s all Keep abstaining.

Losses are losses and wins are just losses in disguise. Let’s be winners and not gamble.

Isla formerly known as Joanne
Reply

Dam , I forgot to buy a pen.

14 days gamble-free!

Isla
Reply

Listening to some music byThe Eagles…… Get over it

Here’s to day 15 ….

LOSER
Reply

Welcome back Jane,

Happy Easter eggs that was funny! Yes I am happy this holiday changed me and I haven’t felt like this in such a long time. I am appreciating the blue sky, sunny days and greenery. Appreciating the life I created for myself and going to enjoy it instead of sitting in a chair and pushing dirty pokie buttons that the previous people probably picked their nose and pushed too! YIKES

Jane
Reply

Really good to hear you say that, Loser. We booked a few days away in Dublin in May. It will give me a good thing to focus on and help get me through difficult days by having something nice to look forward to. Our annual holiday is in July and a bit too far to go with nothing much happening in between. Good job I don’t have a drink problem as the hotel is right next to the Guinness brewery!
Many of us say that we are doing well and we hope it stays that way, and it’s funny that we say that because when it comes to gambling, it is our own choices that affect our lives and people often regard relapse as something that happens to them, rather than something they can have a say in.
This is obviously the power of persuasion when it comes to urges, but once people realise that urges are not weakness, then we can feel a lot better when they strike.
I have a feeling that things are gonna be just fine. I choose to believe I will beat this.
Hope Kate and Monica are doing okay too.
Here’s to happy days.

Kate
Reply

Hello all
Still gamble free …and smoke free …. over a year now. Occasionally still dream about smoking , but never about gambling … I am still on my guard, and find it quite triggering if online gambling ads come on the TV, particularly games I used to play, but I just let it wash over me …….
For the first time in ages I am starting to read more interesting books, and to be able to sit quietly without the distraction of the TV ….. I am surprised how long it has taken to get to this point.
Looking back, i did go through a stop/start phase when I was gambling less, every time I had a gambling day the losses were high ….and it got to the point where my sanity started to come back and the money I had been chucking away started to mean something again. Trevor/Andy ..>I think you might be in this phase …every time you have a ‘lapse’ see it as an opportunity to get some perspective back …so that you start to re-place your respect for yourself and the money you are wasting …… wish you both well
The addiction is so strong it takes away perspective …so long as we get our next fix, we don’t think about the cost. Very scary …and legal!
All the best – glad to see Loser and Jane posting again …

Jane
Reply

Hey, Kate. Yes, I also think Trevor and Andy are in this phase. Although still gambling on occasion, it is an important phase when people start to become more mindful of their gambling, and how it is affecting them. You move out of the ‘head in the sand/ears and eyes shut’ phase to admitting that you might need to stop eventually. I kept this stage up for a few years, from 2013, cutting down and timing out until I felt ready to really try and stop for good. This was about the time I came to this forum, around summer 2016. I had had enough and wanted to take the next step. I wanted to leave gambling behind. I feel I have had some success, but it still follows me around. I feel its presence most days but it is not so much the dark cloud that it used to be, more of a short, sharp shower over an otherwise lovely day.
The main problem I have is a blatant disregard for money. I need to learn the value of money and respect it for the security it brings. I cannot throw caution to the wind anymore. I have to remind myself that it is not just me in this family. There are 3 other people whose lives I have affected adversely and whom I have a responsibility to protect.
If you truly value money, you would keep it, right? But when a person finds it hard to value money, then they see only the distraction that this money can buy with a few hours spent on their favourite games. Becoming desensitised to these losses only makes it worse as I find myself more and more able to waste ridiculous amounts of money. Like Trevor said, you don’t feel the pleasure in winning any more, only the pain in losing and this is the most obvious problem that I have. I can win £500 and feel nothing, but lose £500 and it hurts like hell.
The only reason I can think of for this is because deep down I know I am still down so much money so it is not a true win. Couple that with the fact that I know I won’t keep it and that’s why I can’t be happy winning anymore. I ask myself then, what is the point of me gambling again? I use this technique when I get urges.
Losing £500 is insult to injury and that is why the losses have more of an emotional impact that the wins. I am teaching myself to see that there is no difference between the two. That winning and losing amounts to the same thing….more gambling and that is why you are better off without either of them.

Joanne
Reply

Well, I’ve been to Poundland and got my notebook! RIP JOANNE

Carl
Reply

Bye. Don’t come back

Jane
Reply

Sorry, just read back a bit further….wanted to say as well……chin up Andy. You can beat this. You have all the skills and the knowledge to make this stop. Remember a while ago, when you were saying that you were still gambling and I said to you that management is fine so long as it’s still fine with you. If your last relapse felt more of a car crash than a bump in the road, then it may be time for you to start counting your days again. As I said before, you will know when the time is right for you to start abstaining again. Just don’t let it beat you or change what you are. I let gambling change my personality and my nature. I saw it happening but chose to ignore it because of course, I wasn’t wanting to give up my favourite (and only) pass time. Be proud of everything you have done right. We tend to focus very much on the negatives but we have all done so much that we can feel good about too, except it just tends to get lost in all the things that go wrong. Bad memories stick around, Andy. It’s not to torture us for our mistakes. They are there to remind us that things still need fixing, that things still need addressing. The good memories don’t need any further action so that’s often why bad stuff stays in your head and you may feel like that’s all there is in there, but it can be useful if you learn from them. Sadly, this addiction is powerful and overrides the bad memories, making us feel like things will change and the industry exploits this idea very well. Take care of yourself.

Also, to Mat, keep your head high, Mat. There’s a whole world out there and it can be wonderful or it can be hard to even get out of bed. It’s hard to believe that we can choose which one applies, but we can. Of course it doesn’t feel that way when the urges strike. We just have to remember the simple facts of addiction…….addiction cannot survive without us, but we can survive very well without addiction. That means we have the advantage and we can choose not to gamble. The biggest weapon we have is already in our own heads. It’s our memory. Our gambling back catalogue. I call mine ‘ A Series Of Unfortunate Events’, like the film. Our memory should serve as a useful tool in preventing us from gambling again, but gambling is not about what happened in the past, it’s all about the possibility of winning in the future which makes it always possible for our luck to change. This is what the industry relies upon because after all, we are all fully qualified losers and there’s nothing in our past to suggest that things will ever change…..but that’s why they throw you the odd win to keep you believing in the impossible.
It’s not the winning that keeps us gambling, because we have all lost so much more than we have ever won. It’s the possibility of doing so that keeps us tied in to this game.

Jane
Reply

Hey guys. Just a short post from me. I’m doing well, thanks. Good to see some of you are doing well. Loser, your post is positive and you sound happy. Good for you. Keep it up. Nik, you must be almost at 100 days if not already. Keep that momentum going now. You can beat your best of last year. 7 months wasn’t it? My best is 172 days so that’s my target again. Don’t really know what day I am on. Haven’t been counting, just keeping busy and making the most of my time and effort.
Mcnulty, you sound like you have found happiness and contentment in being gamble free. Hope you continue to do well. Trevor, yes, that is so true. We don’t feel the happiness in the wins so much as we do the grief in the losses. The lesson in this is that we all know that the losses are real. Very real. And the losses stick around. The wins mean nothing except eventual heartache. They are an illusion of happiness….happiness on a string that will be pulled eventually from your grasp. That is why you don’t feel good when you win anymore, Trevor, it’s because you know how it will end. It’s your own gut feeling trying to tell you that wins are no good for you. They just extend this whole sorry affair. Wins are pending losses is all. Nothing more.
Stay well everyone, and Happy Easter eggs. :)

LOSER
Reply

Hi Everyone,

Day 20 for me with minimal urges. I have realised if I keep busy it’s no issue however when I have free time I have noticed the urges coming on strong. I have taken up a new hobby which I enjoy and I have also been taking care of myself more. Went to the barber’s for a shave, bought some new clothes. I don’t care if I am spending money here and there because it’s no where near the amount I would have put through a pokie machine! I get up in the morning and get dressed instead of staying in my pyjamas all day. When you look good, you feel better I think. I am even plucking up the courage to ask a lady I met out for a coffee.
Looks like 2018 is my lucky year everything is working out for me.

Hope your all well

HAPPY EASTER

CM
Reply

Uh oh, that’s gonna set Joanne off

Joanne
Reply

Diary update – remaining focused and ignoring all the shit that’s flying around. Now who do those boys remind me of .. yep , the lost boys in Peter Pan! Time those boys outlined their own goals and concentrated on achieving them instead of wasting their time trying to derail me.

Love, Tinkerbell xxx

CM
Reply

Stop talking to yourself lol

Joanne
Reply

I know your game. CM. You enjoy playing everyone on the forum in the hope that I’ll lose it . Well you got me last time , I lost it big time , but you’ll be disappointed this time , I’ve got your number. So nice try but I ain’t playing ball. I’m just here to get myself free from this addiction before I chuck another 20 grand down a slot machine.

What have I ever done to you? All I want to do is quietly record my days , keep myself on track and finally put an end to this chapter in my life.

CM
Reply

You’re a nasty piece of work that needs bringing down a peg or two

Anthony
Reply

Joanne you are very annoying we don’t give a shit just go away. I do hope you gamble again and lose everything.

Nik
Reply

I expect Charlie M, Outside Looking In, Marc, Moron, and maybe even some new characters may be along soon. They have all significantly been absent for a while.

CM
Reply

Then you end up selling your little poopa for a scratchcard.

Nik
Reply

I wish I could predict the horses and the footy as well as I can predict events on here!

Joanne
Reply

Diary update – 13 days gamble-free.

Finishing line – 31 December.

Prize – guaranteed – savings in the bank

Finally starting to think like a sensible person, pouring money down a slot machine , what planet was I on. Dearie , dearie me.

Joanne
Reply

Diary update – 12 days gamble-free. If I spin just once , I’ll be back under it’s spell. Do I want to be sitting here in another year’s time still gambling, losing thousands of pounds? NO.
Reminded to myself – keep reading Gamcare posts . A mother wrote that her son worked for one of the online casinos and all they talked about was ‘extinction’. Watching players play until they ran out of money . Well they must have had great fun watching me play because almost every session ended in extinction for me. These machines are designed to take every penny from me. Do I want to be destitute? NO.

No messing around this time .. time to get the job done and make a better life for myself.

Mcnulty
Reply

Hello Trevor, sorry to hear you are struggling. Don’t take it that way it’s a step to recovery.

The days you go without giving in is training your brain. Your breaking the cycle & controlling the dopamine levels. Watch out on how much you spend. Don’t chase the losses. That only fuels your anger & you suddenly lose your grip on your money.

I had times when I just needed the buzz I couldn’t resist I had minimal cash about £30 if I lost that I would go home.

Actually I would laugh at myself when the machine played are certain way loss after loss. This is a tactic they use. Your always thinking that a win is due surely…. every gambler knows this line.

In reality they are cashing in as much as you can give. You rather spend less than your wages week in week out! Pay your bills, eat healthy, visit friends or family. Or call friends or family for a chat it’s a cheaper way. Occupy yourself with activities, find love.
Good luck.

Trevor
Reply

Hi Mcnulty.

Thanks for the post. I need to get back in control and become a winner and not gamble. The losses take me so low, but the wins are not as emotional, there not as deep. Keep away from gambling is my advise to myself and others.

Keep strong….Keep abstaining. A day at a time. Learn from any set backs and redouble the efforts.

This is a journey we all need to take. There will be temptations on the way and whether we succumb to them or not the journey needs to continue…always.

Trevor
Reply

Why is this addiction so hard to control…need to try harder, be stronger, decide what is in control..me or my addiction.

Congrats to those who keep working hard to be gamble free.

No matter if you win or or if you lose….gambling is gambling.

Let’s all break free and get our lives back.

Joanne
Reply

Diary update – strong urges but replaced them with visions of me reaching that first milestone , 100 DAYS GAMBLE FREE.
11 days gamble free.

Nik
Reply

Day 90 for me now.
Homing in on 100. Next target to beat my 7 months gamble free of last year, my best yet.
Stay strong everyone & Jane if you’re looking in hope you’re okay and steering clear of the curse.

Let ‘me starve!

J.B.O
Reply

BTW it is *apologize not apologise.

J.B.O
Reply

i don’t think anyone has any intention on apologizing to you. if anything it’d be nice if you left.

Joanne
Reply

Like I previously mentioned I’ve always apologised for my outbursts or mistakes. So I might consider leaving if i got offered the apologies I’m due.

Joanne

Carl
Reply

And you’re still going on. Can’t you just leave it ffs

Carl
Reply

Reading back through the messages going on 2 years Joanne, you have caused the drama. Maybe it’s time you left rethink? No one particularly likes you here it seems

Joanne
Reply

I may have contributed to the drama up until around August last year. I apologised for my outbursts and said that I pretty much wanted to be left alone. Around September i was trolled and then after that it was the others who caused the drama NOT ME. I actually tried to curb the drama.

If you don’t like me then just ignore me, l won’t be offended. If I’m honest i dont know why you’re all so obsessed with me. In fact I’d prefer if you werent so obssessed with me and I was left alone. I said yesterday the only thing in my radar is to be 1 year gamble free and hopefully boost my bank balance. It would have been nice to have still had the occasional chat with Loser. Of course I realise that Loser is the most popular member of the forum and naturally he would want to chat with all the other posters as well which of course is his right.

Joanne

Carl
Reply

I’m definitely not obsessed with you!! Use your own advice and buy a notebook from Poundland. This used to be such a lovely place. You have ruined it. That’s all I’m going to say.
Day 126 gamble free for me

Joanne
Reply

If I recall the reason I asked Matt to buy a notebook was because he kept mentioning winnings. But it was agreed that members could mention winnings and losings because it was part of their story. Jane went on to mention a win and of course loser went on to mention his jackpot wins. But then Joanne mentioned her win and suddenly the rules changed!

Joanne
Reply

Reminder to myself , 10 days gamble free. Keep focused on achieving the first goal … 100 days gamble free.

Joanne
Reply

I’ve just read your post loser. A couple of days ago I asked you to not get involved because I didn’t want you getting caught up in all of this. The reason I asked you was because I wanted to protect our friendship , something I have always valued.

I didn’t cause the drama on here, I was the person who was trying to prevent it. Firstly when I asked those not to meddle at the time I was trolled in September and secondly when i repeatedly said that I am not Charles Manson.

I feel very sad, the one thing I always hoped for was that you and me would be friends to the end.

Joanne

Add your comment below:

Descargar musica