Comments

J.B.O
Reply

ive read this forum for years now without commenting but feel jane that your comments grow ridiculous all the time, you’re not a therapist so please stop acting like one. joanne is bat shit crazy and i feel bad for anyone that has to put up with her (from an unbiased stand point and anyone that reads the comments here can easily suspect her of being a and the troll).

Jane
Reply

Hello and thanks for your constructive post. There wasn’t really any point you coming back was there? If you don’t come on here anymore, then you must be lost? Perhaps I could point you in the direction of your local Coral so you can remind yourself why I make all these ‘ridiculous’ comments.
Why are you still reading the site then if it’s just a few people bickering. The majority of the time, when left alone from people like you, we all get along just fine and help each other get through. I think people like you want to ruin this site because you can’t be bothered to get your act together and you hate the fact that the 5 or 6 of us are actually doing something about our sorry lives. That’s what I think, and I don’t need a degree to say that, either.
I’m not a therapist, no, but I can help myself. I have a brain and it is not just wired to gamble. I can choose to do something about this addiction or I can come on here and post bullshit like you do.

Which do you prefer to read? ‘Oh shit, I lost all my rent again, I hate my life, my life sucks. I want to die.

Or…come on, let’s do this. Day 48.

Asshole.

Jane
Reply

testing….

Jane
Reply

Moron, anyone with half a brain wouldn’t gamble! If you are so dead set against people making money out of other’s misery, then stop gambling. Every time you bet, you enable them to hurt you and others. I don’t know why you target Nik with your unnecessary comments because it would be nicer to actually respond to the people who have reached out to offer you support, like me and Joanne, despite the fact that you have told us we know nothing about addiction!
Bear in mind, people aren’t here just to offer support to everyone who walks through the door, we are suffering too, and we have a shed load of our own problems, so when some of us take the time to talk to you, you should not tell them that they don’t have a clue what they are on about.
You are still gambling, Moron, many of us are not, so obviously you need help and support in order to stop. People on here have managed to go a very long time without gambling, so perhaps you would do better to stop shouting and listen a little.

Jane
Reply

Do you somehow consider your pain worse than ours? Has someone selling a book hurt you a past life? I don’t see your issue with someone putting their story into a book and helping others learn from it. You accuse Nik of making money from other people’s misery but if anything, Nik is making money from his OWN misery. It is his story to tell. It is his suffering and it is HIS right to make a little something back which helps justify the time and effort and no doubt expense that went into producing it. It has been produced to help Nik process a very difficult time in his life, one which cost him his home and many thousands of pounds and has also helped others to understand their own addiction too.
You gave the bookies many hundreds of pounds the other day. By continuing to gamble, you are helping them to profit from other people’s misery. You are letting them profit from YOUR misery! It would make more sense to spend a few quid, go and buy a book and learn from it so you can stop gambling, rather than target people who are actively trying to help themselves and others.

If you really are suffering with this addiction as much as you say you are, then you know how bad it feels, so why then would you choose to hurt someone like Nik who is struggling just like you are?

You didn’t respond to the unkind comment left for you, which served no purpose at all, but instead you take a pop at those of us who are trying to leave this addiction behind. It seems you are more intent on causing conflict than helping yourself, so I would appreciate it if you would show a little more kindness and respect to those of us who are choosing instead to tackle this addiction head on.

———–
Sorry, site acting up again. Can’t post in one go for some weird reason.

Trevor
Reply

Added my thoughts under Niks post.

mat
Reply

Stayed home all day its raining what a life I mean lack of it, I am now having a drink day 4 coming to an end randomly seen the hustle show on youtube which was in a casino setting when in reality the real hustle and a con is casino itself. We had hopes and dreams of winning big money but instead we suffered big losses that’s the whole scam, playing stupid games that are designed for us to lose all our money eventually and chase the losses.
Gambling caused me some bad times and stress but at least I try to change I know its bad and relapsed only now and then some don’t they still lie to themselves thinking they will beat the game one of my friends for example I tried to tell him to stop but he wont listen to lose everything to the last penny this addiction is just as evil as crack or heroin. Gambling companies will take everything from you under the cover of words like ‘Fun’ or ‘Entertainment’ while government allows this to happen.

Joanne
Reply

I’ve never considered you a troll, Moron. I’ve never considered anyone who posts on Rethink a troll. I always think there has to be genuine reason why someone finds this forum.

You do however seem very annoyed with everyone. It’s obvious from your posts that you understand the chemistry of this addiction. So I wonder if it’s friendship or understanding that you are seeking?

When I first came to this site I hated the advice and support I was offered. It really got on my t*ts! Why ? Because I was still in love with gambling ie slot machines and I still am. Everyone was kind and welcoming to me and I threw it back in their faces.
I just hated the fact that I had run out of savings and couldn’t gamble as freely as I had done in the past. If i won a million bucks tomorrow, I would be straight down the casino. But this addiction will bleed you dry and I’ve no option now but to try and free myself from it otherwise I’ll be quite literally on the ‘bones of my arse’.

Please don’t make the same mista

Joanne
Reply

Please don’t make the same mistakes as I did. You ‘ll find great support here
!

All the best to you, keep posting , joanne

Moron
Reply

I am no troll! I am a very ill gambling addict who is suffering much more then any of you believe me! You lot joke and laugh in here and don,t take it serious but if you knew how much pain this illness as caused me then you would understand how bad it is! Sadly I was born with low dopamine levels and this is what Turned me into s compulsive gambler! But I am no troll and am a very sick man with a much bigger problem then all of you on here and understands a lot more about the addiction then all of you

Nik
Reply

You may very well not be a troll, you may very well have a serious addiction, however you do not have the right to belittle the problems others have suffered.
We all have, or have had gambling addictions, otherwise we wouldn’t be here.
Your addiction may very well be greater than mine, hopefully I am now in recovery anyway, but believe me, I wouldn’t wish anybody to be where I was nine or ten years ago.
We are here to support each other. It isn’t a pissing contest to about who has the greatest addiction.

Trevor
Reply

Nik,

I totally agree with your response. Please can you tell me how I can buy this book, what is it called etc. I have personally no problem you mentioning your book…it could help someone it could help me. I’d rather spend money buying a book than gambling it away. I’ve already got 3 books about not gambling. I would understand if this website was for people addicted to reading books!

I gambled today and lost £140. Not a huge amount but, it what it represents that eats at my heart. Rather spending time gambling than doing nice things, feeling angry and irritable when the wife text me …where are you and then calls me. Feeling that what I’m doing is bad and not being in control. When I walked into the amusements I checked behind me and just like every other time….there was nobody holding a gun to my head. I walked in there under my own volition. I’m Trevor a Gambling Addict.

I may be struggling not to abstain, but that doesn’t mean it’s good.

Let’s all try our very best to Abstain.

I’m just feeling a bit sorry for myself, so please ignore the negatives.

NIK
Reply

It doesn’t seem to allow links, so my books can be found in Amazon in both kindle and paperback
The first is a personal account first published in 2013 and updated a couple of times. It is called A Mug’s Game: How Internet Gambling Ruined My Life.

The second which I published in December is a more general book called When the Fun Stops: The Modern Plague of Gambling Addiction.

A Mug’s Game has sold about 115 in kindle in the UK and US, plus a handful in other countries since 2013, making me around £150, nearly $50 and a few quid in other territories. It has also sold a handful of paperbacks making me around £20. Hardly a fortune in five years!

When the Fun Stops has only sold ten kindle (all in December) and no paperbacks making me about £20.

The paperbacks are a lot more expensive than the kindle because of the printing costs and make me much less. I have little control over the pricing has there has to be a minimum price which I try to keep near. There is aloso a week’s promotion period every three months when I can reduce the kindle editions to 99p.

So I am hardly profiting from people’s gambling addiction. As Jane says the first book was about my own addiction anyway. Admittedly the second does draw upon reports of others addictions as I wanted to widen the scope.

I like writing and have published kindle editions of about ten other books, fiction and non fiction, so I haven’t just written about gambling, however with one exception A Mug’s Game has sold more than all the others put together.

Jane
Reply

Moron, I don’t regard you a troll, which is why I responded to your post. However, I was very concerned at how flippant you were, almost jokingly asking for advice on how to kill yourself. It was your post actually that seemed like you weren’t talking this seriously, like you’d given up, that’s why I responded to you. I see that you did not respond to the nasty comment that was left for you regarding the multi storey car park, yet you choose to instead comment negatively, on those that actually help you. That’s a strange carry on, don’t you think?
As Nik says, It is not a competition to see who is hurting the most. We all have a story to tell.

I don’t doubt that you are hurting, we are too, but please understand that we do take this very seriously. Laughter is a way of getting through the pain we are feeling. Many of us are alone, we have no support and we come on here to talk, to share stories and to offer help and advice. Laughter is a sign that our lives are not revolving around gambling anymore. It is a good thing to see smiley faces, people joking because it proves that what we are doing is actually working.
When I relapse, my posts are dark, full of despair and self hate. I post on this site, and these good people prise me up off the floor with a spatula and help me get back on track so I can laugh again. Please do not criticse the jovial nature of some of our comments because what it really represents is hope.

Some of the chat is not always gambling related, it is life related, but gambling is part of our lives. We have all been on this site a long, long time and we know each other’s story and how to help each other. We are just a bunch of people who are all trying to give up gambling, but life still goes on. I am crippled with depression, like many people, and some people think depressed people can’t laugh, can’t carry on with life. We can and we do. If you saw me in the street, you would never know my pain. We just get on with it, because if other people don’t know, then we can forget we are suffering, if only for a while.

People on here know I suffer and I know of their suffering too, but who wants to keep talking about it? We try not to dwell on the negative on here, so that if someone suffering comes to our site, they see people who are happy and pro active. People helping each other and wishing each other well. Who speak of change and hope, not slitting ones wrist. It lets us and others know that one day this will all be over and life can and will return to normal once we rid ourselves of gambling.
Best wishes to you.

Joanne
Reply

Yes Jane, you’re spot on . Although I’ve lost a lot of money to gambling my life has continued on pretty much as normal. I have always managed to pay the bills and have always been able to scrape enough money together so that i could take up invitations / weekends away whatever. I sometimes feel that it hasn’t fully dawned on me how much I have lost. (not helped by the fact that I’m not accountable to anyone) I know this will sound crazy but in the back of my head I have this feeling that the money is all going to float back to me and my bank balance is going to right itself. Delusional or what!
I realise some of you have kept diaries. I haven’t. The only form of diary I have are bank statements. I think it’s time to retrace my footsteps ! I’m going to print out all my statements and try and piece it all together.
Duncan said something that has always stuck in the back of my mind, Joanne creates side-shows to avoid facing up to the real issues! Time to face reality. I have already lost January and February’s wages to the slot machines!!

Loser and I do have a lot in common but the thing that sets us apart is that loser has never been unkind to anyone on the forum, he’s only wanted to help others. I hope he’s okay and comes back soon. Thanks for taking the time to write.
Great post from you as always.

Joanne

Joanne
Reply

Nik, keep an ‘open mind.’ If you start getting tunnel vision you will drive yourself crazy.

I think Moron (I agree Trevor, I think moron should change his name) is a gambling addict who is hurting. His post sent out a conflicting message, he had a ‘pop’ about the books but at the same time asked for ‘peace.’

Take care, Joanne.

Jane
Reply

Joanne, I think I get why you and Loser gelled so much on the site. I see both of you as having quite similar traits, both with regard to gambling and in general. You both very much like a chat, you like a laugh and you both always sat somewhere on the lighter side of controlling your gambling. You are the Maltesers of this forum and it was always nice to have some general chit chat to lighten the mood.
I think it actually helped you in your recovery to just chat to people and I think you enjoyed that more than actual advice, which led me on a few occasions, out of concern, to state that you may not be taking this seriously.
I think that may be why you resented all the advice because you were still one foot in, one foot out. That’s how many of us are for years and still are, some days.

Both of you still regarded gambling as a thrill and I think, always hated the idea of having to let it go. When you would lose, you were both always so blase ( I mean that in a respectful way) in other words, you dealt with it well and brushed it off, many times signing off with an ‘oh well’. I always admired both of your ability to do this, as for me, relapse was mortifying but again, I think that represented the way I was already in so much debt and for you and Loser, gambling didn’t mean debt. It just meant losing what you already had. Only in the later stages, did Loser start to talk more negative after relapse and that worried me enough to have a chat with the good fellow. I mentioned to him that it was only a matter of time before he considered getting into debt to gamble and sadly, he seemed to go down that route there last off. Sincerely hope you are okay, Loser. Please check in and say hi.

You said once that you get by on a sort of wing and a prayer, and that showed in your posts. It is one of your most valuable qualities, Joanne. Your ability to bounce back and still keep your spirits up, still come on supporting people and offering advice.
I also think this same quality also undermined your ability to see the harm in what you were doing. Do you recall once I said to you that you have to take off those rose-coloured glasses and see gambling for what it is?

I said this because you spent a lot of time pondering over the thrill and excitement of your gambling, remembering those wins, and the excitement you felt. You would describe the thrill you felt in detail and it was obvious to me that you would struggle to give up gambling so long as you harbored those feelings.
You enjoyed gambling. I put the ‘ed’ on their because I hope that you have since learned to see that that same enjoyment was really entrapment.
I once said to you, Joanne that I think you fit the bill for the type of gambler who is willing to pay for their gambling entertainment. Like a day out at the theme park. You have a great time, you’re entertained, but at the end of the day you walk out empty handed. This would be fine, if you were able to control what you spent, but you were losing large amounts of money, and I was worried that one day, you might end up in debt too.

Trouble is, Joanne, it is that same debt that helps me to see the harm in what I did. It wasn’t enough to lose the £25,000 savings in the bank, it didn’t cause me too much harm and didn’t affect my everyday life. However, the £15,000 I then run up in debt very much affected me. I had debt collectors calling, letters in the post, direct debits bouncing, demands….that’s when it really hits you and without that more obvious sign, it may have been harder for you to see the harm.
I am glad you are back on the forum, it is good to have another gal about. Keep posting and keep strong.

Nik
Reply

Jane,

I wish there were some way to keep in touch privately as this forum is once again becoming infested with troll(s) trying to disrupt sensible and supportive communication.

Jane
Reply

Nik, you must try to ignore them/him/her/it, no matter what they say about you or anyone. They are trying to find our triggers, what winds us up. They are nothing without a response. Their opinions are so small and insignificant, that I cannot even hear them. You must try to do the same, Nik.
Think about your recovery. You do not need to defend yourself or anyone else from them. That’s what they want. If you do, the posts will only increase. Let the children play and they will soon get bored if no one else is playing with them.

The less you respond to negativity, the more peaceful your life becomes.

Nik
Reply

Problem with this forum is it is far too easy to create multiple identities.
Charlie Moron is very likely the same troll.

Charles Manson
Reply

Wrong Nik. You’re always wrong.

Joanne
Reply

I’m not sure if I should be responding to you Charles considering the comments you have made recently . (If i’m honest , I’m feeling nervous.) Of course who am I
to judge anyone elses behaviour considering how badly I have behaved towards others on this site in the past.

However I have always been honest about my gambling issues and everyone knows the reason i visit this site is because I’m trying to free myself from this addiction although it could be argued I’m failing miserably!

I’ve got a feeling you could be Marc? Perhaps I’m wrong. I guess what I’m trying to figure out is, what is your reason for being here?

Joanne

Moron
Reply

I notice people just come on this site to make money and sell books pretending they know about gambling addiction! Please don,t fall for this crap anyone as this is a non profit site! So if anyone try’s to sell books ect then just take no notice! Peace.

Charles Manson
Reply

Ha ha. Think this is aimed at you Nik

Nik
Reply

Yeah, I have such a vivid imagination I made it all up.
You sure chose an appropriate name!

Moron
Reply

Well I think anyone with half a brain would know nik as just come on here to try and make money out of people with a sick illness which is sick in itself! But there is plenty of heartless and horrible vile people like nik who try’s to make money out of other people’s misery! It’s sad really but there again it’s a sad evil world with filthy people like nik

Nik
Reply

Well you have shown your true colours.
I have been here longer than you so why don’t you troll off?

Nik
Reply

And how much do you think the books have actually made me? Well in five years the first has made me a couple of hundred quid – far less than I have lost in many single gambling sessions, the second barely a tender in four months. I have lost around one hundred thousand pounds all told, how much have you lost?
I didn’t write to primarily make money, I wrote them to share my experiences, give advice and warn people about the dangers of gambling.
Yes, I could have made them free, but having put the effort in I don’t see why I should, there’s no such thing as a free lunch, and they are set at the minimum price. I get a whole 95p per paperback sale.
According to your theory all the other books about gambling addiction – and there are plenty – are also making money out of suffering, as are all other publications about other forms of addiction.
I am not evil, but I believe you are a troll. The way you belittle the addiction of others and claim you know more than anyone about it shows you actually know sweet FA!

Jane
Reply

Moron, anyone with half a brain wouldn’t gamble! If you are so dead set against people making money out of other’s misery, then stop gambling. Every time you bet, you enable them to hurt you and others. I don’t know why you target Nik with your unnecessary comments because it would be nicer to actually respond to the people who have reached out to offer you support, like me and Joanne, despite the fact that you have told us we know nothing about addiction!
Bear in mind, people aren’t here just to offer support to everyone who walks through the door, we are suffering too, and we have a shed load of our own problems, so when some of us take the time to talk to you, you should not tell them that they don’t have a clue what they are on about.
You are still gambling, Moron, many of us are not, so obviously you need help and support in order to stop. People on here have managed to go a very long time without gambling, so perhaps you would do better to stop shouting and listen a little.

Do you somehow consider your pain worse than ours? Has someone selling a book hurt you a past life? I don’t see your issue with someone putting their story into a book and helping others learn from it. You accuse Nik of making money from other people’s misery but if anything, Nik is making money from his OWN misery. It is his story to tell. It is his suffering and it is HIS right to make a little something back which helps justify the time and effort and no doubt expense that went into producing it. It has been produced to help Nik process a very difficult time in his life, one which cost him his home and many thousands of pounds and has also helped others to understand their own addiction too.
You gave the bookies many hundreds of pounds the other day. By continuing to gamble, you are helping them to profit from other people’s misery. You are letting them profit from YOUR misery! It would make more sense to spend a few quid, go and buy a book and learn from it so you can stop gambling, rather than target people who are actively trying to help themselves and others.

If you really are suffering with this addiction as much as you say you are, then you know how bad it feels, so why then would you choose to hurt someone like Nik who is struggling just like you are?

You didn’t respond to the unkind comment left for you, which served no purpose at all, but instead you take a pop at those of us who are trying to leave this addiction behind. It seems you are more intent on causing conflict than helping yourself, so I would appreciate it if you would show a little more kindness and respect to those of us who are choosing instead to tackle this addiction head on.

Joanne
Reply

Nik , thanks for your response .
You and everyone else had every reason not to trust me considering the way I behaved towards you all.

For some reason towards the end of last year all the anger seemed to melt away and I came to respect the good work that goes on here. I’ll never understand why I was such a cow. I’m a regular at Gamcare as well as here and nobody else seems to have behaved in the way that i have. I now look forward to reading all the posts on Rethink. If i’m honest, i find it all fascinating , it’s been quite a journey!!! As y ou say the important thing is that the site remains so that the good work can continue. A port in a storm.

Joanne

Joanne
Reply

Hi all,

Jane, thanks for your kind response. I’ve done a lot of thinking over the past few days. I ‘m not normally someone who thinks about things , probably one of life’s drifters. I ‘m struggling to understand why I felt so much anger towards everyone (except loser) on Rethink., especially the females and more so the good work that went on here. I just resented everthing that was ‘good’. I would argue , say unkind things, hurl insults because for some reason I found the good advice and support that everyone was offering and sharing irritating. Weird, because in the real world despite the huge losses I just carried on as normal, happy and upbeat.

Tbc

NIK
Reply

A few comments.

Firstly, I apologise to Joanne for hinting that she may be trolling, but as Joanne herself acknowledges she has got form for upsetting people. Hopefully she has now put this behind her and hopefully can do the same with her gambling. Her comments and presence on here are very welcome and often helpful.

Ditto Jane. I and others have found Jane’s insights’s and advice very helpful and hopefully she has finally put the gambling behind her.

I am also glad Jane that you are not going to let anyone’s comments upset you ever again. I know it is sometimes hard and online comments can hurt some people, but just adopt my attitude that online comments can never really hurt when they come from anonymous people on the net who are pathetic and probably wouldn’t say the same to anyone’s face,

I notice Moron suggested that Jane didn’t really know about gambling addiction. I don’t think anyone could be more wrong. Jane has shown she undersrtands it perfectly well and has suffered as much as anyone.
I had a similar comment a couple of years ago when someone suggested gambling hadn’t really ruined my life and I was just using the emotive phrase to sell my book.
Well, if losing in the region of £100,000 and a mortgage free property, which means rather than being comfortably retired as I’d planned to at this stage – almost my entire occupational pension is taken in monthly rent – I am having to keep working, is not ruining my life I don’t know what is.

With regard to pathetic trolls the best way to deal with them is simply to totally ignore them. Hopefully they will then get bored and go and play somewhere else, as they thrive on attention.

I just hope people do not allow the forum to be derailed again as so many of us find it helpful.
I also wish they would enforce the rule they show at the top of the board.

Anyway day 69 for me.

Good luck everyone.
Let the bookies (and the trolls) starve!

Jane
Reply

Thanks for your lovely words, Nik. It is nice to feel good for something other than running up debt. I think it was obvious to everyone that the comment about not understanding addiction rattled me somewhat. I hurt everyday because of this affliction and I call it that, because it literally is a part of me that I hate. However, it is still a part of me, and because of that, I have to learn to live with it. I think all of us have a special story to tell about gambling that is both the same as everyone else and unique to us as individuals, so everyone has something to add to this melting pot.

Trevor, I had a feeling that you were struggling. I am going to have to get this newfound psychic ability checked out! Have you gambled, Trevor or are you struggling with ideas to bet? Remember that no matter what is happening, you have the power to make it stop. You are in control and urges don’t have to mean relapse.
Don’t forget to post when you have urges. We may be able to help you see the sense in holding on to your days. As I always say, it is better to talk about urges than relapse. Having said that, please remember that you are doing a good job trying to control your gambling and sometimes, as you have wisely suggested, we may have to cut down on our gambling, before we can cut it out altogether.
Whatever works best for you, works best.
Just keep us posted about how you are doing and don’t expect too much too quickly. I have been trying to give up for about 3 years, but only in the last year and a half have I actually really tried. As Kate often says, giving up gambling is not a step that we take, it is a process and it takes time.
All the best, Trevor.

Trevor
Reply

Jane,

Thanks for the post. I do struggle and sometimes feel a hypocrite telling others to abstain when i cant always do it myself. But i get some solace knowing that my experience shared could help someone else out. You have given so much of yourself over many months and probably gained very little in return to battle your own demons. For many months last year i would read posts now and then from this forum but never felt it was my time to join in.

Good news i think, but i got a small bonus at work, so fingers crossed i spend it wisely….well the wife will. Get some euros for my holiday.

Another day gamble free.

your perception and mind reading skills are very acute.

I do wish loser and moron would have different names. I feel their names are a type of self harm, tgey are better than this. We have been seduced by the dak side. Id rather call themselves Darth Vadar if they had to put some spin on their name.

we are victims who struggle to recondition ourselves because we have been trapped. We’re in a hole…evertime we lose were digging that hole deeper, the same happens when we win, the hole gets deeper. When we dont gamble we try and fill that hole with love for ourselves and others etc and the hole gets smaller and we are bringing ourselves nearer to the surface.

All the best.

Jane
Reply

Darth Vadar is funny, Trevor! Loser once came back as ‘Dracula’ when he was having problems posting on the site under his usual name. I’m sure he would like your suggestion! I will watch out for Lord Vadar’s (ahem) I mean Lord Loser’s return.
Never feel hypocritical for giving advice,Trevor. We all learn from each other’s difficulties just like we do from each other’s advice. Who better to give advice than those who know exactly what it is like to have this addiction. It can feel like it is the blind leading the blind sometimes, but that’s not really the case is it, because we are no longer blind to what we are doing. We are trying to make a change. We are not expected to be perfect, but we are expected to try and if we falter, then we try again. We all have urges and we all relapse at some point or another. It’s not inevitable, but it’s just part of the process of leaving gambling behind.

Some people can just do this in one easy step, but for many, it will be a long journey with lots of getting on and off the bus. What’s important is if you get off early, that you get yourself back on board.

If things go wrong, don’t worry, Trevor, I’ll save you a seat on the bus!
Go easy on yourself and things will be just fine for you.
:)

Kate
Reply

I agree Jane in what you say to Trevor ….giving up is a process, not an event. ….. I had several spells of gambling whilst trying to give up – but each one brought a growing sense of being sick to death of the cycle …actually being able to stop was a combination of having nowhere else to turn financially, but also, each time I lapsed I gained some additional insight into the root causes. I am very struck Trevor by your comments about good and evil, demons and angels …I have had this thought too several times…for believers in an external God etc, there really are angels and devils fighting it out for our soul, but I think at a psychological level, an internal battle is going on for our mental health, for our mental good it you like …….this is how I see it anyway …… an internal battle -

Jane
Reply

Yes, Kate. It is very much a process and until I grasped this concept, I would beat myself up terribly when I went off track. I think as well, when we make the decision to give up gambling, we naturally want to see some reward for this, some form of recompense, and when that doesn’t come, we may only feel the loss of gambling, and not be able to see the sense in staying clean.
This happened a lot to me, and it served to keep me in my monthly cycle of abstaining for a month, gambling, abstaining for a month, gambling….and so it went on. I can see now, that this was because I never gave myself chance, never gave myself long enough to feel the benefit of being gamble free because in that short space of time that I did stay clean, all you feel is withdrawal, horrible, horrible withdrawal. It takes at least 6 to 8 weeks for our afflicted brains to recharge and reboot after gambling, so it is very important to tough it out if we can, because if we can manage to go longer, we will notice the difference for sure.

I think it is sad that many times people cannot take their life in another direction until their back is against the wall, until financial ruin or ill health stares them in the face. Unfortunately it is the nature of addiction to continue to hurt oneself, so while there are still options, the addicted person will always find a way to feed it at whatever detriment to themselves. I guess for some of us, running out of options has been what’s saved us. We had to destroy ourselves to save ourselves!

Trevor
Reply

Brain going mush. The angel and devil are playing in my head and I dont know whos side to pick.

Where are the right choices always the hardest path to go down.

Take some of my own advice….keep abstaining.

All the best

Joanne
Reply

3. He strikes me as being intelligent but I’m not convinced he’s carrying out some kind of research into how people interact or react on public forums.

I did think at one stage that he thought I was a troll and he wanted to recruit me! Unfortunately my bank account tells the true story.

I shall not comment on the matter any further unless he addresses me.
Like I said earlier I have come to respect the good work you both do on this forum .

Thanks again for your responses.

Joanne

Jane
Reply

I have come to respect you too, Joanne and your continued support for others and effort to give up gambling, which is nothing short of applaudable, given what you have gone through. That is why I will always continue to support you, if you let me, because for many of us, this forum is the only support we have.
There are those of us who have no family or loved ones to offer support and while the negativity has sometimes affected us badly, it will never stop us from striving to achieve our goal; to help ourselves and others get rid of this disgusting habit.
It seems we are all in this through thick and thin and that is something which I think we can all be proud of.
Joanne, it is not uncommon for people under the stress of addiction to target others who are seemingly able to stop and get their act together because they too want to give up but naturally, resent that having to happen. It can make a frustrated person feel like the others on the site deserve the flak because it is the others who are telling you not to gamble when you really want to, so it can be seen as another reason to dislike them. It merely represents a phase where you weren’t really committed to giving up, that’s all Joanne. It was the same for me at the start. I hated everything that got in the way of my gambling or anyone that said anything bad about it because I wasn’t ready to accept that I had to let it go.

Charles Manson
Reply

Hello Joanne

Joanne
Reply

2. However there is something about him that reminds me of me when I first came through the doors of Rethink. Back in Oct 2016 I had just come to realise I was a gambling addict ,completely out of control. I had burned through all my savings and had only my wages to fund my gambling. As the money ran out I used to get very upset when I couldn’t hold on to any winnings. Then i found Rethink. I absolutely hated everyone and everything that they had to say. I wanted to kick and carve everyone up. Which I’m ashamed to say I pretty much did. I think Charles could be acting in a similar manner. I think He may be fairly young with gambling issues.

Joanne
Reply

Thank you Kate and Jane for your responses. I’m not going to shy away from the unkind things I have said to you in the past on this forum. You have every right not to trust me.

I think Charles Manson is Marc and he deliberately left the clue with the avatars.

I have 3 theories

1. He is young , bored and is just amusing himself posting these outrageous, unkind comments to get a reaction

Tbc

Jane
Reply

I will break my silence, just this once about the matter because there are much more important things to be discussing. Joanne, you have hurt me and others, in the past using no disguise whatsoever, you made no excuses for the way you felt about me, and I made no excuses or hid my thoughts of how I felt either.
We used our own names and we said what we wanted to say, whether right or wrong. We said it and we didn’t hide from it. No avatars, no false names.
I don’t see the reasoning behind the idea of you coming on here and talking nice under your own name, then using another name to say the things you really wanted to say. I know you know that at one time, I thought that may be the case, and again, I am not going to deny that and that was because when the forum would fall quiet, I thought this may be your way of livening things up. However, there is something about this which doesn’t make sense because you would do that same thing, and stir up a little drama under your own name, and done so many times in the past, which leads me to rule you out as the suspect.

I do get a sense that the troll is male because he chose to target me with an abusive comment which attempted to demean me sexually. It didn’t bother me at all, and It actually only gave my partner some rather racy ideas, but that is another matter.
I am long past being hurt by ANYONE. I am untouchable because no one can hurt me as much as I can hurt myself, so any attempt to throw comments my way is literally water off a ducks arse.

You will notice, Joanne that I have continued to communicate with you, despite the negative comments on the forum, and that was already my statement, my way of saying to you, that I do not believe you are behind this. Me and you have a lot of history, and even if you are the troll, which I doubt, I will still communicate with you when you post under your proper name, because at the end of the day, you are an addict just like me and I would not turn my back on anyone because this addiction messes people up. The troll-like comments will receive no such reply, whatever the content.
I urge everyone to ignore any such comments and continue on our quest to be gamble free.

Joanne
Reply

I’ve been sitting here thinking why the comment ‘stupid and delusional ” felt like a slap in the face. Maybe it was a case of ‘the truth hurts’.

Maybe it would have been better if my gambling secret had been exposed. I’d be a dam sight richer today if it had been.

Do we excuse our gambling behaviour too easily? Do we just come to Rethink because ii makes us feel less guilty or whatever. Let’s face it some of us only make an appearance when we’ve relapsed. Maybe we need input from non-gambling addicts, harsh as the comments may be because at least it brings us back to reality.

Joanne yep, stupid and delusional

Kate
Reply

For what it’s worth Joanne, I don’t think you are Charles Manson and I apologize for the toothbrush reference …and I think you are right, it probably is the Marc character. When you were going through your having a pop phase your comments were much more personal, in the sense that you were reacting directly to someone that had been said, and expressing an alternate opinion….sometimes harsh and hurtful ones to be honest. But I think we should all move on from this patch.

It is just possible this is someone doing some ‘experimental’ research to see how a Forum reacts to a nasty troll. If it is, it is certainly crossing an ethical line, and I think it is unlikely to be an academic study. It could however be a study someone is going to publish, maybe for a book, or for a YouTube video, or diary, so I think we should all be on our guard. The general advice is to ignore a troll. If it is someone, possibly an immature person, who thinks it is funny to post really offensive and crude messages then it is quite easy to ignore the behaviour. ( Personally, I have never been offended by the ‘c’ word …..as an old Irish bloke once said to me …>” if someone calls you a c***, just remember, it’s a c*** calling you a c***” . Only a c*** uses the word ! So true!

re your point about whether we use the Forum to reduce our feelings of shame about gambling and maybe not face up fully ….I think there might be some truth in this ….however, there is a difference between taking responsibility and taking blame. I have taken personal responsibility for my stupid, bank account draining extended on line gambling binge, but I am convinced this Forum has helped me to come to terms with it, to understand the causes, to feel less shame, less alone, less stress …which has helped me take responsibility and move on. ( Nearly a year gambling free now). Unless you have been there, it is really difficult to understand why and how a rational person gets sucked into such obviously nuts behaviour ….. that’s because it is hard to really fully understand the power of addiction isn’t it?

To my mind gambling is often a symptom of an underlying mental or emotional health issue and unless we are prepared to tackle that underlying, or those underlying issues, then we can’t be free from gambling. Gambling is a powerful form of self-medication, as we all know. I think it is very difficult to go ‘cold turkey’ if the underlying issues haven’t been resolved … impulse control, ADHD, OCD, anger, self-loathing, depression, bipolar disorder, drug or alcohol abuse, grief, anxiety, social isolation, boredom, being trapped in a difficult or controlling relationship, being stuck in a low paid job. These are the kinds of issues people report on this site …… although gambling is incredibly destructive and robs us of our self respect and money, it is these underlying issues that keep us in it. I have gained insight from this site on the underlying issues, as well as learning some good techniques for being gamble free. It is a bloody shame that some feckless idiot thinks it is OK to undermine the efforts of decent people to try to overcome their demons.

Joanne
Reply

I’m going to play ‘detective”! (Perhaps I’ve been reading too many thrillers, I read 4 books over the last couple of days, buy one get one half price at Waterstones, bought with Xmas gift vouchers!)

I know some of you think Marc doesn’t exist but I have the advantage here because I know he does. I just don’t know what brought him here and what his intentions are .

He used 3 different pictures ( avatars?) when he posted last year. I clicked on them. The first one led me to a ‘club penguin’ forum which makes me think he’s relatively young. The language and expressions used were similar to those posted here. The second picture led me to a person who was studying how people interact on forums ?????? The third picture led me to a dead end. I think Marc has returned as Charles Manson. It hasn’t gone by unnoticed that he has insulted everyone bar me.

I admit I have behaved badly in the past and made unkind comments but I have come to respect the excellent advice and support this site offers to fellow gambling addicts and the true friendships that have been formed here. Please let’s ensure that we keep the site open so that the good work can continue.

Joanne

Joanne
Reply

I’m sorry to read that you’re feeling so low moron as to have suicidal thoughts. I feel you could benefit from talking to a professional. Have you considered ‘Gamcare’ , they offer free counselling sessions via telephone.

I see you are only 40. Have you ever considered the possibility of doing a foundation course at college to improve your chances of gaining employment, getting references, meeting new people . further study. 40 isn”t old when you take into account that the retirement age is 67!!!

Joanne

Joanne
Reply

While I was holed up taking refuge from the blizzards I read a thriller by Jane Harper, ‘The Dry’. It’s a murder mystery. The murderer turns out to be the local headmaster who murders his secretary because he knows that she has worked out that he has been stealing from the school funds to feed his gambling addiction. As a gambling addict it felt really uncomfortable to read the comments the other characters in the novel made to describe the gambling addict. For example when the barman described the addict as ‘stupid and delusional ‘ it felt like a slap in the face, really weird.

Joanne

I think Marc has returned as Charles Manson. Similar picture beside his name. Why and what is your purpose in returning?

mat
Reply

Day 2 Feeling a bit better just hit the gym what’s done is done I can feel that was the last time I played those machines I have no words how much I hate them.

Jane
Reply

Yeah, same old same old, Nik. I think Liverpool are saving themselves for Man Utd on Saturday. I’ve already been told to cancel Sunday if they don’t win! They are having a good run at the minute, but it’s always a very stressful fixture in our house! My partner is a life long red and he hates Man U with a passion.
Least it’s not on Mother’s Day because I’d never get my special dinner made!

Wow, is it really day 67 for you? That’s gone fast. I keep getting emails from BetBright, I don’t even know if I have an account with them but I assume I must have done at some point. That’s how bad my gambling got! I often think I have found a new site only to find I am already self excluded. Quite sad really. I really didn’t care who I bet with, I didn’t check their credentials or anything. Didn’t care. I have bet on some very dodgy sites too and I don’t even think they were accredited or regulated. I have since read that quite a few of the sites I went with in the past, are blacklisted. I never got to see if they would actually payout if I won because I never ever got to withdraw anyway!
I guess it’s first things first when it comes to gambling, and credentials weren’t priority. When I ran out of the best sites to bet with, I started going with just about anyone that would allow me to bet.
Then I had the idea that technically, there was nothing stopping me from opening up all my favourite accounts again in my poor partner’s name, but eventually, I self excluded from them too. I remember getting the idea while watching telly and I felt such a rush of excitement at being able to play them again. Paddy Power, Bet 365, Sky Bet and Coral were all my favourites.
Obviously now, I wished I had never been so deviously crafty as it only meant double the losses.

Out of all the accounts I have ever made, I have only been asked ONCE to verify myself and that was with Betfred. I couldn’t go through with that account because I had already held one in my name and was sneakily trying to do one in my partner’s name, so I just said that I had changed my mind on live chat, and asked them to give me my deposit back.
What a mess of a life these past years have been. Absolute carnage.
Here’s to better days.

Add your comment below:

Descargar musica