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Joanne
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Anyone up for a drink? I’ve been sinking a few.

I’m gettin’ weaker only a matter of time before I hit the ole lotto kiosks.

Good night .. cya

Joanne
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I’m fed up of hearin’ about Brexit

I’m fed up of reading about so called celebrities ,,, what a heap of sh*t …

Nope make that …. I’m f***ed of with politics …. endless boring shit ….

I’m fed up of being fed up so I’m gonna on a gambling bender.

Good night
Joanne

Joanne
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I’m never gonna read another newspaper, watch the news, neednight whatever because I’m sick to the back teeth of listening to all that drivel … sh*t

Joanne
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Just been over on Gamcare, depressing as ever.

Anyway that’s me done, I can’t gamble online which of course is a blessing but I daresay I’ll have the occasional, affordable blow out on lotto every now and then which shouldn’t cause too much financial damage in the grand scheme of things.

So … all the very best to anyone who still looks in,

Signing out for the very last time,

Joanne

Joanne
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Another week successfully navigated although it still feels like an uphill struggle.

So until next week, same time, same place … keep it gamble free!

Joanne

Joanne
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Aiming to check in once per week … Sunday evening.

So until then …. all the very best.

Joanne

Joanne
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Truckin’ along … all good!

Joanne ;)

Joanne
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Woke up again this morning with that horrible feeling, thinking about the money I’ve lost. I’m obvious ‘mourning’ . Lol Money is obviously important to me.

Weird how I only think about it as soon as I wake up and don’t think about it at any other time in the day. Anyway, they’re just fleeting thoughts, possibly a blessing in disguise, reminding me of the financial damage gambling can cause and therefore keeping me on the straight and narrow.

Another weekend of work, but then again I’ve got nothing else to do. Lol

Whatever you’re up to, hope it’s a good one!

Joanne

Joanne
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‘Grieving’ not ‘mourning’.

Joanne
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All good with me, keeping busy, the money’s rollin’ in and it ain’t rollin’ out !

(No doubt everything from the fridge to the hoover will now break down! Haha)

I still wake up EVERY morning feeling like s**t thinking about the money I’ve lost. Not quite sure why. I don’t seem able to shake this wretched feeling off, even though I’m almost 8 months gamble free bar one little blip.

Is it because I like money more than I think I do? Possibly

Is it because it was instilled in me as a child to save, respect money? As I sat watching Little House on the Prairie mesmorised, my mother would often comment, “there’s nothing romantic about being poor”. Do I feel ashamed about throwing away so much money? Probably.

Is this the reason I still have strong urges to buy crazy amounts of lottery tickets etc? Still hopeful that gambling will be my saviour. If I could recoup the money, I could forget it ever happened.

Is it because I’ve never disclosed my secret, nobody knows about it. The strain of carrying it around ?

Hmmmm

Or is it because I’m not prepared to forgive myself for being so f**king stupid? (oops, sorry for bad language)

Anyway, once I’m up and running, the feeling soon disappears.

So all good, sticking with my plan.

Hope all is well with you.

Joanne

Joanne
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I’ve thrown myself into ‘work’ as a means to helping me remain gamble free ……

I’ve lived in a relatively small community most of my life and know people who have been at rock bottom through addiction but have managed to overcome their demons and gone on to lead happy, successful lives. The one thing they have in common is that they have rebuilt their lives through hard work. I have the greatest respect for them. I see them benefitting from the fruits of their labour, in happy, stable relationships , confident, no longer lost souls.

Once you start climbing that ladder of success it drives you on to further success.

For the majority gambling is a destructive path, a downward spiral, a mug’s game. It will eventually take everything from you, your money, your loved ones, your confidence, self esteem, your very soul.

You wouldn’t wish that on your worse enemy so why inflict it on yourself?

Do yourself a favour, keep it GAMBLE FREE!

Joanne, trying her best!

Joanne
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I don’t know why but when I don’t post it feels like I’m abandoning this place. Anyone out there willing to keep the ‘Rethink’ light burning?

I’ll go.

Joanne

Joanne
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Ah well!

Joanne
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I thought I’d better put up a post because you’re probably all missing me ! Hahaha (joke)

Last night I pondered why I find it difficult to think of gambling addiction or any addiction as a disease, an illness. I’ve noticed that many folk refer to their gambling addiction as a ‘cancer’ or use the word ‘disease’. This doesn’t sit well with me. I wondered why?

Is it because I was friendly with a person who developed a medical condition in their early twenties which has now, 20 years on, left them needing around the clock care? Totally dependent on others. They had no choice, no say on how their illness took hold, totally at the mercy of their illness. I have a choice.

I thought about the funerals I have attended of young folk whose lives have been tragically cut short through illness, road accident and addiction. Too many if I’m honest, very sad.

I hate to say it but there is no denying the fact that there is a slightly different atmosphere at the funeral of an addict, an unease, a discomfort. How do you explain it? Is it a feeling of hopelessness or do people still believe that an addict has the choice to help themselves and it’s self inflicted; that their families could have been more supportive. I don’t know the answer because obviously I can’t read minds.

I thought about a conversation I had recently with the partner of an alcoholic. This family have tried everything to support the person with alcohol issues, and every effort has failed. The alcoholic was so desperate for alcohol that they escaped the clinic where they were receiving treatment, didn’t have access to money but found their way to a supermarket, took some bottles of the shelf, escaped to a toilet and drank themself to oblivion. Heartbreakingly sad. Is addiction an illness, a progressive illness that gets to a point where the person has lost control and they too have no choice, totally at the mercy of their condition?

The more I think, the more confused I get. I’m just thankful that I haven’t reached that point of no return and still have a choice.

Forever grateful to the good people who brought about Gamstop which has undoubtedly made my journey so much easier.

Have a good day,

Joanne

Joanne
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Forgot to add, I very much hope that the new rules regarding fobts being introduced soon will help you guys who have struggled. I often think about LOSER, wondering if he’s still visiting the casino but then I remind myself that Loser was always a smart dude so hopefully all is well with him.

I still get strong urges to buy lots of scratchers and lotto tickets but so far I have resisted. I daresay I’ll trip up every now and again but I can live with that. Online gambling was always my downfall.

I’ve been making a conscious effort not to post, I’m trying to move on. I’ve got a ten year recovery plan so only another 9 years and 4 months to go! Hahahaha

I daresay I’ll post again but I’m trying really hard not to.

All the best,

Joanne

Joanne
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Just wanted to say that I don’t see anybody as ‘rough’ and the guy who was imitating the Scots dialect and language on YouTube did so with affectionate humour.

In fact you often find that a lot of bad language (swearing) is often used as a sign of endearment in some cultures.

Piaget concluded that intelligence was man’s ability to adapt and survive in his environment. (Accommodate/assimilate and all that).

I daresay if you live or work in a challenging environment swearing is a necessity, a way of releasing stress, physical pain, alerting someone to a dangerous situation, … the list goes on …. a coping mechanism.

I daresay I swore a lot whilst spinning those pandas, fruit or foxes! Hahahaha

Anway, busy weekend at work coming up, hope you have a great weekend making lasting memories!

Joanne

Joanne
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Or ….

Have a bl**dy good time!

Lol

Joanne
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I happened to switch on the TV late last night and found myself watching a gambling advert. It didn’t faze me, I’m through with spinning fruit, but it got me thinking about the folk who are probably at this moment in time sleep walking into an addiction or wakening up to the reality of one.

It’s a difficult time coming to terms with it all, the money lost or worse ie debt and of course those feelings of , how could I have been so stupid. Your pride.

Then there’s the dilemma .. the biggest gamble of all, do you carry on in the hope of hitting that ‘big one’ which would of course instantly fix your financial predicament and salvage your pride . Or do you cut your losses, swallow your pride and accept your situation. I dont like to use the word defeat.

Of course those clever b******s, the casino owners, prey on our dilemma, our pride and pretty much think they have us by the ‘goolies’ ie balls (obviously I don’t mean that literally I’m female lol) (sorry if this sounds blunt, not too good at sugar coating).

But of course they don’t own us and and we always have the choice to walk away.

Some folk say we are the architects of our own destiny, I believe that to a certain degree but I’m also a believer in fate and as we know fate can be both kind and cruel.

Anyway, I decided to walk away, swallow my pride. I didn’t want to risk making my financial situation any worse and 8 months on, I haven’t regretted it.

When you gamble, you’re building on sand. You may get lucky for a spell and build up some cash but the tide always turns and those winnings will get washed away.

Don’t feel you are alone, many of us have found ourselves in the same predicament. It’s hard but things WILL get better if you decide to walk away.

Take real good care of yourself, all the very best,

Joanne

Joanne
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Had a lovely day today, ‘living like I’m broke’! Got up at 5 am , favourite time of the day, and did the breakfast shift at work . Although normally my day off and not my usual role, nobody wanted to do it so I thought why not, extra money and beggars can’t be choosers.

Later went for a 5 mile hike along the clifftops or ‘braes’ as we call them in Scotland. 2 miles into the hike found an old, familiar boulder that’s probably been there for thousands of years and thought about the numerous times in my life that I’ve sat on that very rock. As a young child with my family, my best friend and I as teenagers, listening to the Top 40 on a sunny, Sunday evening, (at least there was ‘feelgood’ music back then, not the melancholy , soul searching s**t you hear on the radio today lol) moonlight strolls with a boyfriend, and of course the best memories of all with my son , untangling kites! (you never see kids flying kites these days) Happy days. I never imagined myself sitting on that rock as a gambling addict.

Anyway, it was good to hear the waves crashing and pounding the rocks, makes you feel ALIVE! And if the travel guides are anything to go by I was in one of the most scenic places in the world! I didnt meet a living soul which was even better.

Decided to go into town later, didn’t intend to buy anything but the fashion store had a sale sign in the window so I couldn’t resist having a browse. And there they were, the boots I’d sooo wanted to buy just before Christmas but wouldn’t allow myself because I’ve been living like I’m broke and saving for these past 8 months. They were reduced to 10 quid, real bargain, one pair left and they were in my size. I remembered I had a gift card in my handbag, I knew I must have kept it for a reason but figured there was only a few pence on it, asked the girl on the desk to check it, 6 pounds 49p ! Yippee, 3.51p, for a pair of expensive, full length boots. It almost felt like those boots were waiting for me! It’s the little things in life that keep me going! Hahahaha

Came home and decided to check my premium bonds, yeah, I had a small win! Ernie could have been a bit kinder to me, miserable bugger! Lol

Was feeling bored so decided to watch some youtube videos on how others viewed the Scots and their use of language. It appears most see us as ‘rough’ and that we can’t put a sentence together without swearing! Haha haha haha hahaha No point in going to Scotland if you’re in the least bit sensitive!

So perhaps I’m not a sociopath, just the average Scot! Hahahahaha

Ah well, back to work tomorrow.

Joanne

Joanne
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All Good!

Really starting to believe that things are on the up.

Usually have folk to stay at Easter but decided to kick them to the kerb. They take advantage of my hospitality and as someone who has no desire to stay in other people’s homes I figured there was no point in me splurging out on these freeloaders anymore ! Hahahaha Feeling a tiny bit guilty but hey ho, that’s life.

Keep it gf.

Have a good week.

Joanne :)

Joanne
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Of course I could have let them stay and given them some ‘I’m livin’ like I’m broke ‘ hospitality.. naw, even I’m not that cruel! Hahahaha I doubt they’d be so keen to come again.

Really lookin’ forward to Easter now, lots of overtime and my son’s coming home for a few days. Not that he’s any bother, hates being fussed over, just comes home to see his ‘old Maw’ . We don’t use the word ‘ Mum’ where I live, God I hate that word.

Have a productive week.

Really think I’ve got this addiction by the scruff of the neck!

Joanne

Joanne
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I recently read a post by a compulsive gambler who had a problem staying away from the casino.

On payday he ploughed all his money after living costs into his mortgage account (overpaid) utilities accounts and lived until his next pay day like he was broke!

I really admired this guy’s approach, he knew he had a problem, took ownership of it, thought outside the box, came up with a strategy that worked for him and stuck with the plan.

He figured that if he left the money in his bank account it would only be a matter of time before he lost it down the casino and he would be broke anyway.

A few years on, he owned his house outright and this gave him the drive to build on his success.

I really admire people like that.

Anyway, tallied up the amount I have lost to gambling from bank statements and of course it was slightly more than I’d estimated. :(

So another weekend of overtime! I didn’t borrow money to gamble from an outside source but of course I borrowed money from myself! It’s important to me as part of my recovery to pay back that money to myself. I’ve set up a separate bank account and I’m hopeful I can achieve this in a time frame of about 10 years through overtime, etc ! I think by doing this I can then fully forgive myself for my stupidity and put this episode in my life to rest.

So I too am living like I’m broke! Lol

Of we’ll all have our own ways in dealing with our recovery and everyone’s will be unique to them and their circumstance.

Hope all is well in your world

Have a great weekend.

Joanne

Joanne
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I had reason to log into my bank account tonight, for the month of February 2019 I had less than 10 transactions .. for the corresponding period last year ie February 2018 … I had 121 transactions. :(

Enough said!

I’ll never ever touch online gambling again.

Joanne

Joanne
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After I posted last night I decided the time was right to look at my gambling episode through the eyes of my bank transactions/statements.

I printed them all off, from my very first deposit to Wm H, to the very last one in August 2018. I laid them all out in monthly piles on my dining room floor! There it was … the COLD HARD TRUTH. ADDICTION staring me in the face. You could see just how quickly it took hold of me from the ever increasing piles of paperwork.
(121 transactions was a tame month.)

By looking at the piles of paperwork you could pinpoint where it peaked and where the recovery process began.

I’m glad I did it, it’s reinforced what I’ve now come to realise over these past 200+ days of quiet reflection.

I was perfectly happy and content with my life prior to discovering online gambling. I just stumbled across it, thought it exciting and quickly became hooked. I suppose I could have carried on gambling, I didn’t really have to stop when I did, I wasnt in any financial difficulty, who knows maybe I would have hit it big! The 6 months prior to stopping was probably my luckiest period.
I didn’t affect me in any other way, I couldnt have been showing any outward signs of distress, that I was having gambling issues, I don’t recall anyone asking me if anything was troubling me! Lol I don’t look any different.

However I could see things were escalating, I was needing to place bigger and bigger wagers just to get that dopamine release so I knew it was time to get out. Plus I was hating the price tag.

Gamstop gave me that passport to freedom and I had the good sense to grab it!

9 months on, I’m the same happy, content person I was prior to gambling. I think there’s probably a lot of women out there like me who have no underlying issues, who just simply stumble across these slots, roulette find them exciting and get hooked because of course they’re designed to be addictive.

Once they put blocks in place and can no longer access them life goes back to pretty much as it was before.

I didn’t need gambling in my life! I guess it was just fate.

Ah well. What a price tag! Lol

Joanne ;)

Joanne
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Still gamble free. Finding it easier now that I’ve stopped counting days, less pressure andI don’t think about gambling so much.

However I think it was a good idea to count days to begin with. Just getting through each day was an achievement and of course as the days build up, the gambling fog slowly lifts and you begin to think more clearly and see gambling for what it is.

For me (just my opinion) that’s what matters most, changing your mindset, your attitude towards gambling. I thought gambling was exciting, thrilling now I realise what a destructive path I was on ie a dead end street.

I wake up every morning and feel thankful, genuinely thankful that I’m no longer caught up in it.

I don’t intend to post regularly but will look in every now and again.

All the very best and to anyone who visits the site I hope you too find a way forward to a better, gamble free life.

Joanne

Joanne
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Good to see that the focus has now shifted to on-line gambling … concerns about people being allowed to use credit cards, the way these online casinos offer incentives such as cash back to keep folk gambling etc.

Shocking when you think about it, awarding you cashback on your losses.

Hopefully some action will be taken on these unscrupulous practices. The whole online gambling industry needs to be put under the microscope, shocking what they’ve been getting away with.

All good with me, hope all is well with everyone.

Joanne
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Joanne
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Joanne
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Joanne
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