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monica
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Glad to see you are feeling better in yourself Mat. I am nearly 60 so going for a jog impossible. With the cigs can’t even run for a bus. Could not even run when I was a kid! I have however watched a movie on prime about the artist Frida Kahlo. It was really good and took me away from all my problems for a brief while. In day 38 now.

mat
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Thanks for replies, feeling much better, went to the gym for past two days it really helps with stress, after heavy weight lifting didn’t even think about losses, the key is you have to keep moving and go out sitting at home and dwelling on losses and saying you are stressed won’t solve a thing it will only make you worse and you will go crazy, its good to watch some comedies and funny things.
All this money and losses its all designed to make you a prisoner of your own mind.
Monica I see you are struggling you need to go for a jog and find a par-time job at least, jobcentre is a very depressing place full of lets say the lowest of the lowest in society, I went there once and seen enough I simply walked out, how desperate you have to be to beg for £50 a week, you need £1000 minimum to live its also full of security I see police often down there, not a nice place.
Hope you all well and that they will soon put restrictions on the machines and online gambling.

monica
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Pete came in and apologised, said it was frustration as he sees me in
pain and all the struggles I have and feels helpless. A client made him a bean stew hotpot which he saved for me as the diet had gone to pot again. The tears and emotions are abated for now. I cannot be the only person who is Ok one minute and an emotional wreck the next?

monica
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Slept for hours. Just woke up. Have all the symptoms of clinical depression. Cheryl, Jane and I all stopped at the same time. I had a two day binge. I am so glad we can support each other on here. Woke up with pain much reduced so clear I cannot stop taking these meds. Even the man with the Lamborghini will have issues, until we have walked a mile in someone’s shoes we simply do not know.

Joanne
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Hope I’m not speaking out of line again, but I think your ‘ex’ Monica is trying to support you in his own little way. I know you may not think it but some people find it hard to be demonstrative. I’m not demonstrative, don’t even like the ‘l’ word, I never use it, hugging people doesn’t come natural to me either. If I’m honest , I can’t stand being hugged, especially by female relatives. I hate going to funerals/weddings etc, can’t stand all that hugging that people engage in. I always make myself scarce.

Don’t miss understand me I do like physical relationships with men, I’ve been in meaningful, long term relationships but I hate being hugged by relatives, friends etc. It doesn’t mean I don’t care about them I do. Oddly, my 2 sisters are the complete opposite to me, they only have to meet someone they know in the street and they’re throwing their arms around them! I’ve often found that some of the least demonstrative people I’ve met are very often the most genuine and caring. As they say, ‘still waters run deep’!

I think your ex is trying to be supportive to you , he genuinely cares about you, we all have our own ways of showing affection. Although you mention that he doesn’t earn a lot, it is obvious he feels for you , because he is giving you financial support. I guess it’s difficult for a non-gambler to understand our addiction. He’s not angry at you, just the situation gambling has created.

Cheryl
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Haven’t gambled since August 11th it’s nice not worrying about what not to pay so you can buy food.i hope i have the will power to keep this up.when I was gambling I was constantly comparing myself to others about silly materialistic things.with me I was gambling because I wanted to try and live a better lifestyle, I know it sounds deluded.im always on Instagram and social media so i used feel jealous when people have the newest car or got a mortgage .Now I realised your health matters and I have good family around me even though I moan sometimes about them x

Jane
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That’s great, Cheryl. 13th of August for me. It was a 3 day binge that started on the 11th. Feeling a little glum at the minute but aren’t we all? Like you say, it’s easy to get caught up in all the things we don’t have, rather than looking at the positives. I suppose social media has put everybody’s lives in the limelight. But remember, people only put their best face forward. I bet their lives aren’t as rosy as they look.
I saw a guy driving a lovely Lamborghini today. Everyone was looking at it. He may be enjoying the car, and rolling in cash, or he may be struggling to make repayments.
I guess we just have to keep focused on the things that matter most, like you say, our health. I said to my partner the other day, that you can’t buy good health, but he said, well you can really, if you can afford to get fixed privately or pay for the best care…..Sucks, I suppose.
But life is a lottery for many and I can’t argue with my numbers. I did okay, I messed it up, and I will do okay again.
Such is life.
Take care, Cheryl.

Joanne
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I’ve been thinking about some of the jobs I’ve had over the years , some of the best fun I’ve had were in some of the lower-paid ones!

I left school at 17, took up a job as a waitress in a small country house hotel, I worked all summer , as many hours as I could get because I was going to uni later that year.

I sure had a lot of fun that summer, I used to work the early morning shift, start around 5.30 in the morning The guy who ran the hotel on behalf of his elderly father used to pick me up around 5 in the morning. Of course at the weekends I’d be out on the town, I’d get home around 4 in the morning, quick shower, change into the uniform , and off to work ! First job would be to serve the guests morning tea in bed. Of course when you’d walk in with the tea tray, there would always be one creep who would start flirting with you. As you can guess, I knew how to put them in their place with a sarcastic remark or more often a look sufficed ! lol Of course back then instant cameras were the rage, would often get a photo left for me, a photo of a certain part of the male anatomy! Me and the girls had some great laughs back in those days.

I knew the guy who ran the hotel fancied me , he used to deliberately make up some excuse to keep me working longer than the others , so that he could run me home. I knew every trick he was up to but I ran circles around him by pretending that I was totally oblivious to his interest in me, so he never made a move on me to ask me out etc, don’t get me wrong he was a nice, respectable guy, I always knew I was safe .

I must be getting old ……………

monica
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Well Kate, with Donald Trump threatening to nuke North Korea, not surprising all this end of days stuff is going on. Yes I would still get your hair cut. You would thinkthey would have the sense to remove the psychopathic mr trump really,

monica
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Just came back from walking the dig and threw me a tenner saying go to a and e. That’s what he does throws things at me and shouts. I stopped taking the ulcer meds for 4 days as they made me feel a bit funny. Started them again today. No let up yet but it took 24 hours last time. The lessons get harsher and harsher folks until we stop. I am living proof of that. Day 37. Do I want to gamble? No, i would some hope please.

monica
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Yes, Joanne, spoke to an agency this morning who said because of the revenue changes in my field of work, no one is now going far any more. i am used to going away for my contracts, have had many a long way away and overseas. But staying away but we now get only half the pay we used to it is no longer worth it. Trouble is I am certificated off by my GP. Until I overcome this constant exhaustion and pain from stomach ulcer, don’t have the strength to do much.

monica
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Jane, your nephew needs to reach out and get help. It is very hard to do I know as I also find it hard to do. I have rarely asked for help throughout my life except in the latter stages of this gambling addiction.His doctor would be the first port of call to talk about what is going on for him. Mine was very understanding. They are so used to this in the current climate in this country. What on earth has happened to this world and us as a people. I mentioned to Pete the other night about this rogue planet and the world supposed,to end on sept 23rd. He said good, the human race is completely screwed up, and he meant it.

Kate
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Oh dear – where have I been – first time i have heard about 23rd September! But I’ve just read up on it – not sure now whether I should put off having my hair cut on Saturday -not much point spending money I don’t have if I’m going to be blown up! Maybe just wait and see. Also, I’ve been fretting about how I am going to fit various things in over the next couple of weeks – what’s the point of worrying though …..but I can see how the dreadful weather events and earthquakes could fuel end of days panic

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