Comments

António
Reply

Hi everyone . I v been not gambling for 6 months. Today i lost 1.2k… have been playing last week and have won 2.3k. However even winning I felt weird.
I v just block game site over . Hope I manage to find other ways to spend time and money .

Jane
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Sorry to hear that. I went 6 months without gambling too, then blew 3 grand because I felt low.
This addiction sucks. I’m now working on new ways to fill my time too, and feel good about myself and what I have. I am sick of the pointless highs and lows. We all need to accept the real world and stop trying to escape it, or for what ever reason we gamble. S**t happens and we have to learn to deal with it, not numb the pain or block it out. It’s the same as drink or drugs, happy content people just don’t get caught up in this sort of thing. It gets hold of us because we have a weakness or a void that we need to fill. The industry know this and they exploit the heck out of it, telling us to ‘live a little’, and ‘why aren’t you in Sky Vegas?’ I’ll tell you why I’m not, cos it took my entire life savings, that’s why and every time I see that ad, it reminds me of the pain. I used to try to turn the sound off quick, cos it bothered me that much, now I make myself watch it, so that I learn my lesson as painful as it might be. I’m staying well away. Hope you can too.
All the best, Antonio.

Jane
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Well, I walked 5k, ran up a load of steps (Rocky style), got sunburn on my back, nettled on my legs and chased by a goose….but I didn’t gamble, so it was a good day. :)

Jane
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Strangely, I’ve never been interested in Lotto or scratch cards. My partner buys an odd one from the local shop and he has never won more than £5. It’s nearly always a loss or just your money back. (which strangely, he still goes yay!!) But who am I to talk! I find it amusing that I consider his pound a waste of money, and would rather buy milk, but I guess we all have our own thing when it comes to gambling. That’s why I wish gambling never went online, because I wouldn’t give anything away. That I know for sure. I stand bored, next to my partner on holiday while he plays those daft OXO machines….I don’t see the sense in it, I’d rather go get my fish n chips, so what on earth is the mentality with online gambling, and how did it get me so badly? WHY is it so different?

One thing that annoys me with the scratchcards, is the fact that they mislead us on the probability of a win, with most of them stating a 1 in 3, or 4 chance of winning. But we all know that this is not quite true. The probability of winning anything more than the price you paid, is closer to 1 in 6 because the appealing statistic is made up of so called wins where you only get your money back.
Truth be told, if you spend a hundred on scratchcards, you are likely to come away with about 35 quid.

If there was a horse running at 14 million / 1, you probably wouldn’t back it, but we all think we have a chance of bagging 6 numbers on the lotto and happily hand over our money. But if you think about it, it is just one person getting super rich because everyone else has handed them £2. Much better to share the prizes out more, if you ask me, but I am told the huge prize is the big draw for lotto, but for me, I’d rather see more people share the prize.
It tickles me as well, that a roll over attracts even more people to play, so those that don’t usually play will choose to play when they have even more odds stacked against them. The fact that these things roll over in the first place is astounding, given how many people play and it makes you wonder what chances you’ve got when a roll over can happen in the first place.

I’m going to slap on the sun cream and get myself out in the countryside. Been out for the last few days enjoying the lovely weather without the woes of gambling and all it’s harm and I’m browning nicely.

Leave gambling alone and enjoy the day. There’s enough problems out there that we can’t control, so let’s rule out the one that we can. Well done, Joanne for getting your money back. Anywhere is better than in their pockets.

All the best. x

Joanne
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Gosh this weather it too hot for me! I have relatives staying with me this weekend. They asked could they borrow my laptop. I handed it over to them without thinking, I forgot that I have written in large , black, bold letters, ONE DAY AT A TIME just above the keyboard! They looked at it and started laughing, have you got an addiction they joked, porn or gambling!!!!!!!!! Time for a sharp exit…………….

Joanne
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Just for the record I only have a gambling addiction! lol lol

Jane
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Joanne, you just made me spit my drink out laughing!

Randy Keim
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Morning everyone. So I guess I’ll start by saying that I’m back to Day 1 (I was on day 100). Work got stressful and a casino host finally caught me on the right day. I caved and let them send me to Florida and comp my weekend for me and my girlfriend. On my first day I won big somehow and was up 30K. A huge amount. But over the weekend, I slowly threw back money. Fixated on this addiction, I ended up leaving up only 10K. You might say “what a minute, you won Randy, what are you bitching about?” While I threw the money back, I also wasn’t the person I want to be. I lost my girlfriend over the weekend as we broke up as she saw the demon inside. She could see me being manic about the gambling. So even while I won, I lost. And losing the 20K back to the casino has brought me back to the sadness and depression of the many times that I have throw away good money chasing loses or gambling emotionally. This 10K win is overshadowed by a greater 200K+ lifetime loss, and another relationship ruined. A reminder to us all, that as addicts, even when we win, we will definitely lose it back one way or another.

António
Reply

Just like me last weekend… even winning it is worst then loosing

Joanne
Reply

Back to day 1 for me …………….. I guess it wasn’t a good idea to give a compulsive gambler £300. I am off to get drunk!

LOSER
Reply

Hi Joanne,
WHAT?
How did this happen?
I just saw your emails and tried to respond but it keeps bouncing back to me??????

Jane
Reply

Hang in there, Joanne. It is so very hard to break the cycle of gambling. Day 1 should be scrapped. It is a demoralising way of dealing with relapse. I think it is better to look at it that it is just one bad day, and you have done many good days without gambling, so be proud of what you have achieved and just keep going.

Personally, I’m not going to mention my days anymore, until I better what I did last time. We can make too much of this when really it doesn’t matter at all, what day we are on. Be it day 1, 100 or 1000, the only day that matters is the present day. That is the day that can affect us the most and it is the present day that can make or break us as recovering gamblers. How many days we went before is irrelevant in many respects. Our days only serve to make us stronger, but they don’t insulate us from harm. We have to do that ourselves. We all have to remember that days don’t matter half as much as the effort we put in to understand our addiction. So as they say, don’t count the days, make the days count.
Best wishes, Joanne. x

Joanne
Reply

Back on track. Managed to get a refund for the ridiculous amount of lotto tickets I bought. Day 30 for me!
No drinking.

Joanne
Reply

Was dashing off to pick up relatives from airport hence quick response. I spent last Saturday going out of my way to put money aside in the bank so I could not gamble. Only to come home to find an email from a casino advising me that they were refunding me money. You couldn’t make it up! I feels like we’ve all been given a ‘gambling addict’ label and everyone and everything is plotting to keep us one. I’m so damn tired of the whole gambling thing. Even on the radio in the car it was nothing but gambling adverts!

When the money hit my bank account this morning I wanted to gamble, I felt lucky. I couldn’t access a casino so the National Lottery was the only place to go. I have already informed the NL of my gambling addiction, I’m not allowed access to the on-line scratch-cards under any circumstances. I get regular emails from them alerting me to the fact that I buy far more tickets from them than the average person does. Fortunately for me they were willing to give me a refund . We march on ………

Duncan
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Pleased to hear this Joanne. Well done!!

Loser
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Fantastic so Happy!!!!

LOSER
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Hi Everyone,
I am on Day 26 today and I really feel I have a better chance at turning my life around for the better this time. I have continually put barrier’s in place to prevent a relapse and I plan to get back into my fitness routine after being quite unwell with the flu. I return to counselling on Wednesday after not seeing her for nearly 6 weeks now. Sorry if I do not respond to people’s posts as I will come here less frequently to concentrate on my journey to a happier gamble free life. I will still keep in touch when I have made better progress. I really wish each and everyone of you COURAGE to believe in yourselves that you can beat this addiction, I wish you LOVE, love yourself and love from other’s to give you the strength to continue on your journey no matter what. Don’t let FEAR hold you back, it’s a crippling emotion.
LIVE, LAUGH AND LOVE LIFE.

Loser :)

Joanne
Reply

THE UK GAMBLING COMMISSION

On Saturday morning I received an email from Cassava Enterprises asking me for bank details so that they could pay me £300 . I thought it a bit odd. Apparently I had played on one of their bingo/slot sites ie Vegas-spins last September and lost my deposit of £300. No surprise there! Anyway, some time before this I had permanently self-excluded from one of Vegas-spins sister sites, Foxy-bingo and therefore I should not have been allowed to play on Vegas-spins in keeping with their self-exclusion policy. So they have now paid me back my £300!!! I did not complain about being allowed to play on Vegas-spins, this came completely out of the blue. No doubt they did this, not as a favour to me, but to protect their licence. Perhaps the UK Gambling Commission is finally doing something!

Joanne
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I’ve done some detective work. Cassava Enterprises operate for 888uk limited who have indeed been probed by the UK Gambling Commission.

Duncan
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Hi Joanne,

That’s a strange one. It’s not like the bookies to do us any favours. Take that £300 and put it towards your evening with Loser. You’ll definitely be getting the popcorn in.

Joanne
Reply

Hi Duncan

It was probably the cheaper option for them to refund some of their players rather than risk a hefty fine from the UK Gambling Commission, or worse losing their licence. All the best to you, Joanne

Duncan
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Hi folks,

Hope everyone is well and gamble free.

While out on my lunch break last week I noticed that the town was more vibrant than normal.  This meant only one thing – there was a race meeting on.  My mind quickly turned to days out at the races which I’d ‘enjoyed’ as a gambler.  I felt a sense of disappointment that I no longer experience the excitement that, for so long, I associated with the races.  It was an environment where I do not recall losing heavily – I attended with friends/ family and was conscious that I didn’t want to appear as a problem gambler.  My problem with gambling tended to be when I was on my own, conning myself into thinking that I was actually enjoying the ‘buzz’.  Part of me thought “if you were able to go to the races in the past and not lose heavily, then what would be the harm in continuing that pattern of betting”.  I thought about going to the races and betting in a ‘controlled’ manner.  I was (and still am) pretty confident that I could go and stake £10/ £20 before walking away.  Part of my brain thought “what’s the harm in that?”.  However, I was quickly able to draw on past experiences where a small stake ‘harmless’ bet resulted in me falling into the clutches of the vicious gambling cycling.  Going to the races and even staking £1 would inevitably trigger the gambler in me.  My last relapse occurred by staking £2.50 on a football coupon…..£2.50!!!  It’s absolutely ridiculous to think that a £2.50 bet resulted in me losing £1000.  I have to accept (any most of the time do) that if I want to enjoy a happy and fulfilling life then gambling, in any form, cannot be a part of it.  If I place one bet, whether I win or lose, I’ll place another and another and another and I’ll quickly find myself back in the gambling cycle.  I’ve stopped gambling because I didn’t like life as a gambler, so instead of thinking, “I must never gamble again,”, the majority of the time I think “this is great! I don’t ever need to waste my time and money on making myself miserable again.  I’m free!”.  

Here’s to another day gamble free!

Jane
Reply

That’s the hardest part, isn’t it, Duncan? Getting the message through that we are not missing out when we leave gambling behind. I found that I really had to work on that, because after so long, the excitement comes calling again.
It doesn’t make it any easier with adverts geared towards the ‘fun and excitement’ of betting…with Virgin games telling us to ‘live a little’, pounding heartbeat sounds when the wheel spins in slow motion, and silly songs about ‘rubbing my face in it’ when the guy can’t bet cos he works there. (It’s a Paddy Power advert sung to the tune of Papa loves Mambo and it particularly irritates me!)
For me, these kind of adverts where they really focus on the addictive thrill of gambling, time slowing down, suspense, heart beat, celebrating the win, etc…is like advertising someone taking a big drag out of a spliff or something and then telling you how good it feels…It isn’t right. It’s downright irresponsible.

LOSER
Reply

That’s interesting Duncan, so I ask do you play any lotto?

Duncan
Reply

Hi loser,

No, i don’t play the lotto. I never really did tbh so not something i’ve given too much thought to. I’ve not yet been in a position whereby I’ve been asked to enter a sweep at work. Not sure how I’d deal with such a situation.

LOSER
Reply

Day 24 today the urges are coming on strong, probably because I just got a sms alert of amount’s hitting my account. I’m all cashed up I will have to go straight to the bank and lock it all up again.
One minute you feel like you got this, the next minute you feel like gambling gee wiz this really is a emotional rollercoaster.
I see my sweet Joanne is still gamble free on top of a mountain with the wind in her hair, I am coming Joanne I will climb the tallest mountain for you!

Joanne
Reply

That’s brilliant LOSER, you’ll be carrying Jane and my rucksacks! So you’d best get down to the gym! Jane and I will have great fun tormenting you every step of the way! hahahahahahahahahahah

Joanne
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Some of my happiest memories are when I’ve had little or no money! I wish I could take that 100 grand that I lost to the bookies/casinos , put it in a rucksack, climb Ben Nevis (highest mountain in Scotland) and cast it to the wind rather than those grubby bookies/slippery casinos having their hands on it! LET ‘EM STARVE!

Jane
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:) Pack a lunch, and I’m in!

Joanne
Reply

Brilliant Jane, keep up the cross-country running fitness regime! xx

Jane
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Kate, I’ve just got round to listening to some voicemail messages on my phone, (good job no one was stuck down a well!) I didn’t even know it, but I had one from the Halifax the day of my relapse, from a very serious sounding gentleman who wanted to check with me that all was okay as I had made many transactions in quick succession and he wanted me to give him a call back. I remember sending some of the money to my partner’s paypal so I could withdraw it and make transactions from our other bank to avoid getting my card locked as I had gotten a text part way through asking if it was me who was making the transaction as I don’t normally use that bank for gambling so it was unusual activity I suppose.

I have gotten up to all sorts to gamble in the past and even created accounts and took out credit cards in my partners name etc..without his knowledge. It’s scary isn’t it, how far we go to protect our habit.
I think I recall you saying that you had one of these calls from the bank too. Kind of sobering isn’t it?
If only I had heard this message come through, it might have frightened me into stopping but I kept going downstairs to avoid the questions as to what I was up to and must have missed it.
Probably wouldn’t have stopped me anyway. I was too far gone.

Kate
Reply

Yes Jane – calls from the bank are a serious wake-up call ….mine were from a ‘relationship manager ‘ ….” just checking in to see if everything is alright’ kind of thing -but it is moments like this that made me realize that my behaviour was far from normal ! It’s great to hear you sounding optimistic and happy Jane. I am still very much on track in my gambling/smoking free life. Like you the puzzle is why did the gambling take such a hold in the first place? The more I read about this though, the more I understand that some of us are a heck of a lot more susceptible to the lure – for us, whether it’s the thrill or the numbing, the highs and lows or the repetition, our brains latch onto gambling for dear life – we become addicted, conditioned, and then it is very difficult to persuade our addicted brains that this is not such a great way to spend time. As you know, I didn’t stop instantly – it took a year on and off – the clear sign we are winning is when we don’t actually want to gamble anymore -we can’t see the point – this is when we question why we did it in the first place! Why wouldn’t we question it – when the cloud lifts, it is a really really stupid thing to do …but when we are in it, we are hooked. We should never blame ourselves for our addiction though, I think learning to understand and forgive is the route to success/. Wishing you well. Kate

Jane
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Good to hear you are still on track, Kate. Let’s kick this awful habit. I am losing weight, have energy and am feeling focused. I’ve got my head back on and I really feel that this time things will be different. I know these are just words, and we all say that after a relapse, but it all depends on just how much you want it and I believe this last relapse was a turning point for me. I think things happen for a reason and this has really forced me to step it up and get the help I was too stubborn to ask for.
I feel a bit like a test subject in that office, but I am feeling better for all the talk. It is nice to get a female perspective on my problems, as I only ever had my partner to talk to in person and I am starting to open up a bit more, as she described me as Fort Knox when I first went! Main reason for that is because I feel bad for feeling bad, if that makes sense. I feel like I should be happy and beat myself up because I don’t understand my sadness. It just comes out of nowhere and takes me down with it. I hate it because I can’t control it. It’s not me doing it. I am an upbeat person and see the good in every one and every thing so I don’t know why this dark feeling just comes over me the way it does.
I think I need a cat! I might ask for one! One of those grumpy Persian kinds, they are hilarious! That would cheer me up no end!
The therapist says I will respond well because I am optimistic and I am on the good days! I just hope those dark days stay away and let me get on with this now, because if I have it my way, 2017 will be a good year for me.
Hope it is for all of us. x

Kate
Reply

Hi Jane. I think your last lapse was the last one – particularly now you are talking to a therapist ….. ‘ should’ and ‘ought’ need to be banned ….we feel what we feel – sometimes up, sometimes down, most of the time just plodding along … I know it is ‘just talking’ but talking leads to insight, and insight leads to deep change – and this is what you are in the process of doing

Jane
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Strangely, I haven’t laughed as much as I have today in a long time. Just two weeks have passed since what was probably my worst relapse, (given my already dire financial situation). It makes you realise, that we are incredibly adaptable and we can bounce back from even the worst situations. It also makes me realsie that we don’t need gambling, we just convince ourselves that we do for a variety of reasons. I have continued to make the best of a bad situation for a long time, as I’m sure many of you have, and I am proud of that fact. I seem to embrace hard times, I guess it makes me focus on the stuff that really matters. The stuff I know matters far more to me than gambling, but at times, I forget this.

One thing I know is that life is simple when you don’t gamble. You are free to think, feel, love and laugh. And even with no money, and only just enough to scrape by, I feel far, far better than when I have been winning big money and that is because gambling leaves you feeling empty and detached. You can’t relate to money in the same way you can to people, to friendship, to music, environment etc… There is a very good reason why we feel satisfied when we have these things in our life, it is fulfilling and it is rewarding. When we gamble, we find it hard to stop because it doesn’t satisfy, it leaves us discontent, and unfulfilled and we keep going back to it, trying to get the same level of satisfaction as we did the first time we played, but we never do. It always leaves us wanting, but not in a good way.

I wish I could get my head around why I gambled in the first place, because I know that I am not motivated by money. I just want peace and I guess you need money for that. That is all I want. (that and some ground…I miss the space and freedom I had in Ireland. I live in a town house now, with too many people close by and too much noise. I used to have a mountain view, with a river running through the back of my garden. I could watch the stars and I was in my element till 3am with my telescope on bitter cold nights, with my cat on my lap….and I loved every second of it.) So of course, I feel rather caged now.

Been really happy just fooling around with the family today and enjoying a bbq (it’s my mum and dad’s 50th anniversary…don’t ask me how my mum has managed that! My Dad is rather difficult, shall we say, but he spends a lot of time in Ireland, so that probably helped!) But it makes me think that there is a lot going on with us and we are much, much more than gambling addicts. We may lie, deceive, and ruin our health and well being, but we have courage and we have faith that we can change our lives for the better, and I am really proud of all of us for that.
Ignorance is bliss, but knowledge is freedom, as they say. Freedom from gambling.
Let’s keep going.

Here’s to better days.

john
Reply

Hi james you came on this site so you can stop gambling forget your all losing money like me i lost 350 000 sure or more you need to block all site of gaming and stop all your cards and start a new life without gambling we are here becouse we all past with evil gambling it hard but you can came out of it step by step good man and hello to jane mat loser kate joenne and everbody on this this lest do this 38day gambling free for me

Suicidalthoughts
Reply

Its more than gambling this is harming me I hate life I hate it can’t even buy shoes without trying to win them

Mercy
Reply

Hi
I am an Asian women 41 yrs, beautiful and petite. People think that I am 25 yrs old. I like excitement and gambling become my most enjoyable activities since 2010. I have lost over$150000/ in the last 6 years
I was still playing online roulette 5 hrs ago and lost $500 online. I have invested properties and land worth of $100000_150000 which are still intact. I have lost my boyfriend, have to move across the country from Ireland to Melbourne Australia to start afresh. But I just lost $35000 in the last 6 weeks which was my 6 months saving.
Today I am lying in.my bed thinking about how much time and money have I wasted and how late it become to have family, properties and start a good relationship.
I have a boyfriend of 9 months who have no idea about my lost though he knows that I was a gambler in Ireland. I can’t explain how I feel. But I am trying to focus on my future without gambling anymore and saved up again for everything. I had been trying to rebuild myself every day. But my head keep telling me to go to casino today and start afresh tomorrow
. These are demon’s voice. I want to feel good about the future money that I will be saving even though I haven’t seen it. So I am quitting gambling as I am writing this message.

Jane
Reply

Mercy, you feel so bad because you are still caught up in the turmoil of gambling. They call it a cycle, because you go round in circles, winning and losing and repeating the same old mistakes. You feel as though you can’t escape, but you can.
All you have to do is stop and draw a line under everything that went before. Moving countries will not make you stop gambling if the problem lies with you. You will carry it with you.
You have a lot of life ahead of you, a partner and enough income to be able to be comfortable. So you can start fresh but you have to accept what has happened, forgive yourself and say enough is enough.
You can do this, Mercy, but you have to really want it for yourself.

Try to figure out your motivation for gambling, is it just for excitement? Or is it to seek some level of happiness you feel you are missing in your life? A lot of people gamble for many different reasons, and many people don’t actually gamble for money. Strangely, a lot of people who gamble, are already very comfortably well off and gamble out of unhappiness, boredom and discontentment. Often the main reason for gambling is because people feel their lives have lost direction, so sometimes it is necessary, to throw yourself into something new and exciting to get your motivation and energy back and this will help you to see the sense in giving up and keep you on track.
When we give up gambling, we have to fill the void that this leaves behind, so get yourself busy with something you have always wanted to do. Treat yourself, make yourself feel good and worthwhile and help yourself to see the value in life without the need for gambling.
If you can take a good look inside yourself and figure out what drives you to gamble, then you have a great chance to turn this around.
Have hope, and understand that you are a good person, with an addiction. It makes us do these things, and it changes our priorities and our personality.
You can get your life back, Mercy. All it takes is a decision to stop and the strength and courage to stay that way.
All the best to you.

loser
Reply

Day 22 today
Still feeling sick….unbelievable
Went near the casino last night but prepared myself to not be cashed up, wasn’t tempted at all, in fact I couldn’t wait to get out of the city!!! lol

Joanne
Reply

Simple ……….. Matt and Andy don’t go! I got paid on Friday, had to go into the bank to put some of the money into savings bonds so that I can’t access money to gamble, a lot of hassle! I must admit, it makes me feel damn immature that I cannot keep the money in my regular current account. We have an illness, just as a diabetic has to control their insulin, we have to control our money.

James
Reply

Hi all. I’m new to the site as I need to talk about what gambling has done to me.
I’m 26 years old and i’ve heavily gambled for around 9 years with some intermissions where I thought that i had beaten this illness. Basically, I had saved around £35,000 from working hard and avoiding gambling most of the time. Since I broke up with the love of my life last year (including the loss of our unborn child) i’ve been on a downward spiral of depression and this has basically driven me back into the clutches of gambling. I’ve also been taking cocaine and drinking heavily. Anything to block out the pain. I fell back into the nasty habit of blocking out my troubles by literally betting on anything at anytime. On Thursday I realised that this had to stop. There was a little gambling money available left but I decided that the next bet I make will probably kill me as the overlap between the gambling and suicidal thoughts had became too close for comfort. On friday I decided to confide in two close friends about the extent of the addiction and depression. I have not gambled for three days, but the anxiety seems to be building day after day. The fear of gambling again is crippling me. I have lost my energy, my self esteem and what was a very happy life. What has made things worse is that I have kept up appearances in front of friends and family (the show must go on) for so long, that now i’ve confessed to it, I can’t seem to escape my own turmoil. Accepting reality has broken my heart as I now have to face the stupidity of my actions.

Loser
Reply

Hi James, firstly I think you should congratulate yourself on recognising that you do have a gambling problem and especially that you utilise gambling to block out your feelings. You have definitely had a lot of pain, loss and suffering in your life of lately. I really feel that you should find someone whether it be a professional or a close friend to talk about how you’re feeling. Even though you mentioned you have been gambling for nine years you also mentioned that there were times throughout your life where you simply stopped. I can only assume that when you were at your happiest is when you did not turn to gambling. For now you are best to not have any access to your money whether that means locking it up in the bank or giving your cards to a trusted parent or sibling. You will need to talk through and work on the issues of losing the love of your life and your unborn child I think we both know that taking cocaine and drinking heavily and gambling will make us feel better short-term but they will only cause more problems in the long term. You can either try and resolve your issues with your love of your life or use the situation as a lesson learnt of how you would do things differently with someone else in the future. No one can take away the pain of losing your child however you are still young at 26 years old and there is plenty of time to start a family for yourself in the future. There is the other problem of you wanting or feeling suicidal but where is that gonna get you? That will only hurt all your family and your friends and it really isn’t the solution. You get one life why would you just take it away from yourself . Throughout life you will always get hurt I am sure 10 years ago when you were 16 something probably upset you but I’m sure you can’t even remember right now and slowly as the years go by although you probably won’t forget this time in your life, that hurt won’t be as deep, the memory will not linger in your mind and the pain will weaken as the years go by. If you’re still having suicidal thoughts then maybe just go see your GP . Maybe you also need to do like a funeral for your unborn child whether it be something at home or even bury a little teddy bear that you had for him/ her as this will also allow you to grieve and without acknowledging all these emotions and letting them out by bottling them up things will only get worse. I hope you see a counsellor I think that they would really help you at this time in your life. Wishing you well all the best

Kate
Reply

Oh dear James, your post is so heartfelt. I’m glad you have been able to open up. This is the turning point for you. I agree with Loser that you probably need to see your GP …maybe in the short-term you need something to help you take the edge of the anxiety? As you say, substance abuse and gambling are ways of numbing underlying pain …… I think there should be a group called ‘ ManyAnon’ for those of us to numb our pain with a variety of addictive or compulsive behaviours – I would be torn between several – which group to attend? But it all boils down to the same thing – at times the emotional pain we feel, for whatever reason is too much for us, so we resort to blocking it, or diverting ourselves. I can feel from your post that you have a good heart, but it has been broken quite recently, and you are devastated by it. You need time to process what has happened and in time, you will be able to overcome your gambling and other addictions/behaviours. From experience, I think the only way to really do this is to understand what brought you to this place – a serious break up, and the loss of an unborn child are devastating in themselves, but the way we deal with emotional pain is often linked to things that happened a long time ago – and it could be that you need to deal with other stuff too. Please keep posting – I have found it really helps. All best wishes. Kate

mat
Reply

I was upset yesterday and very negative I know as it was right after a loss, I failed so many times its hard to see hope. On a positive side I only lost winnings as I have limited access to my account only can withdraw a 100 and no debit, it helped to minimise losses down to almost nothing over past 10 months, all I gambled is winnings but its not only about money its 7 years of stress and being upset as well as highs when winning, I am always trying to quit, part of me knows that I need to have some control otherwise I could end up on the street, I never had any debt over gambling and somewhat can control my habit but sometimes I get carried away especially after I am on a winning streak and have access to more money or when chasing.
In early 2015 I started after almost 2 years of quitting and from that time I lost around £10k from 2015 till now its not that much but had a lot of wins in between.
I get hooked easily because I do win a lot, last time I won £4000 of £70 before in October I won around £7000 when started only with £30 its hard not to want to gamble after that and when I win I gamble often and risk more, each time I put almost everything back, otherwise I wouldn’t gamble sums like that as I don’t have much money. Before I would just lose £200-300 and was done and wouldn’t return for a while I started gambling when I was a studying so didn’t have much money too.

Andy I see you had a loss too, don’t give up trying, we have to keep trying to beat it and move forward.
Thanks for your replies will post in few weeks we will see how it goes this time, good luck to you all.

Jane
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That’s the spirit, Mat. Keep fighting. Of course it’s depressing after a loss, but we can sit and wallow and accept that it’s always gonna be this way, or we can stop and say enough now.
There’s always something to be happy for, something to be grateful for, and believe it or not, Mat, you give some really good advice on here, so start believing in yourself and listen to your own advice because you have really helped me to see the sense in stopping.
Let’s do this!

Yes, Kate, doing well. Been for my cross country run and back now for dinner and a sunday sleep! The kids are exhausted, bless them. They are xbox kids so the thought of going outdoors is horrifying!
I’m really glad that you and your husband can engage in things other than talk of being unwell. Illness can be so consuming and you can focus on it much more than you really want to because it becomes such a big part of every day. Great to hear that you are both feeling better. Feeling good is contagious isn’t it. It really does rub off on others. If I am down, I get happy, and it really works. I force myself into feeling good until I actually forget why I am down and in the process, others are happier to be around you so it works well for everyone.

Let’s all try to remember the positives and measure our happiness in ways which don’t involve money, either making it or losing it.
The best things in life are still free, and that’s just as well right now!

Kate
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fighting spirit
noun
courage and determination expressed in a willingness to fight or struggle
don’t give up the fight –

It’s really the only weapon we have against gambling – everyone posting on this site has had lapses – everyone has had dark days, felt like a failure, felt defeated by this addiction – but for the majority of people posting, we pick ourselves up, we accept our losses, we try new ways of getting happier and being more able to deal with life – it’s our fighting spirit that keeps us going. Jane had a bad lapse ….it must have hurt like crazy, and must have been very difficult to face the music on this one, but that doesn’t mean she has lost the fight. Loser has had quite recent lapses – but he is back on track – and as he says, he has spent significantly less on gambling this year than usual – that’s a big deal. Nik is on 124 days . Duncan is the Yoda of the forum – and may the Force continue to be with you Duncan. John is quite new to the site, but he encourages everyone with his kind messages ….. Joanne is back on track too and sharing really useful stuff. Andy, Mat, please don’t give up trying. Whether you keep posting or not isn’t so important, it’s whether you can find that little bit of fight left in you to continue trying. Easy to say, I know, and if you are feeling in the pit of despair, it might seem impossible …..but I hope you can find the strength to fight back

Jane
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Hi, Mat. I was thinking about you because of your last post, that’s why I mentioned you. I knew you had lost some of your win, and I knew that would bother you. I am trying really hard to pick myself up, but I’ll be honest, the relapse hit me hard. I’m now up to 43 thousand and like you say, I’ve already hit rock bottom, been in hospital over gambling, been depressed till kingdom come, but still, I wanted to do it to myself again. It doesn’t make any sense. Now, I’ve had to sit and talk with ‘professionals’ about all my problems and it makes me feel abnormal. I know I’m not, but I got by all this time because I don’t talk about stuff, so it is messing with my head, that I have these people picking my brain.
I too, am back where I was last year. It took me 6 months to put money back in the bank that I lost in November, now I’ve set myself back even further, probably to the point where I was when I first joined this site. I started to work out the losses, then stopped. It was awful, I didn’t want to know. I try to remind myself that this journey is not about the money. This is about getting well, and freeing myself from gambling, but it’s hard because money is a part of every day and when you don’t have it, it reminds you that you are not like everyone else. I have to pretend I am busy at work when people ask me out for a drink, because I haven’t even got the price of a coffee. Every penny has to go to bills now, or I won’t be able to make repayments on the loan.

This site may not be the answer, but it is still good to talk and share our journey. It isn’t going to be easy, Mat, but at least we are trying to stop. Lots of people our there are still blindly gambling away their money and their lives and are ignorant to their actions. We want to change, and that is half the battle.
It does seem that there is no way out of this, and strangely the one thing that bothered me about my relapse, was how it would make others feel, because we look to each other for hope and inspiration. Then, I realised that it isn’t the ability to stay gamble free that inspires others, so much as it is the effort and determination we show, when we try.
You can’t give up trying, mat, but as painful as it is, we have to forget the money. We may have set ourselves back by gambling again, but only in a money sense. We are better people for our effort, for caring about others, for sharing our struggle and for having the character to want to make a better life for ourselves. That is the hope we have to cling to, because without that, we just look at it that we are right back where we started, and then there seems no hope.
Your post to me, when I relapsed, made me realise that you are right. It is only money, and there are worse things, like you say, like ill health, disability, etc. Although it is hard, we have to look on the bright side, and keep in perspective the good things we have. You will pick yourself up from this, Mat, and so will I.
Don’t stop posting, it still helps to know someone is thinking of you and I want to thank you again, and everyone, for your support when I relapsed. It really helped.
Take care

mat
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Only posting this cause some people mentioned me otherwise I wouldn’t.
Started gambling last week had a few wins and a painful loss yesterday as expected this cycle will never end, I am stuck in this prison and no matter what I do it always ends the same, feel like shit and I injured myself which will mean no work for a while, another year wasted all my youth was wasted on gambling I seriously want to stop living. I hate waking up and just sleep till afternoon There is no hope, each one of us is a active gambler on this site and relapses regularly, I don’t know anyone that quit successfully. Didn’t post here for a while as I don’t know what to say, lets be honest we want help but this site is no the answer. I didn’t expect Jane to relapse it just shows that even at the rock bottom there is no hope a gambler will always find a way to gamble more with loans, lies and excuses. All this nonsense of counting days and saying how you will not give them your money always ends the same with losing money until your hand shake and there is nothing left and then feeling tormented by your own thoughts then after some time passes and you start seeing hope and foolishly ‘think’ you are healing and how wrong can you be, another loss is just waiting around corner only question is how soon.

LOSER
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Speak for yourself Mat, there is hope you just always look at the glass half full, DUNCAN DUNCAN DUNCAN is our success story he has not relapsed. One person has gone 6 months gamble free, have you done that yet? Kate has gone 99 days smoke free and soon gamble free too! John is on day 31 and Joanne on day 24. I am on Day 20, I have relapsed 4 times this year (3 times being in 1 month) I have gambled approx $3355 this year that’s a great effort considering I would normally do $1000 – $1500 per week. You think visiting this forum will make you gamble free? You think entering a library will make you more intelligent? This site is all about gaining knowledge from other people’s experiences and advice. Have you ever taken in someone’s advice and used it towards your battle of this addiction? I highly doubt it! You give up far too easily.
So to everyone out there I would like to say THERE IS HOPE, every effort you do each day is a small step that will help you achieve your final destination of being gamble free. Each day you do not gamble you grow strength, but most of all it reduces the dopamine level’s in the brain which in turn will weaken the addiction. Today may be the start of your journey but don’t expect miracles, this journey has no time period, it could take 1 year or 5 years but you can and will eventually stop gambling. Through your journey you will relapse but by trying to stop you will save a lot of time and money which would have otherwise feed a rigged machine.
Most of all remember we turn to gambling because we forget all our worry’s, so sort out your problems first then the gambling addiction will be easy to shake.
You feel lonely? Go out meet people, call some friends and go for a coffee, go on a dating site etc,
You feel down because your short of money? Then sit down and work out a savings plan. take on extra hour’s at work or even look into study for a new career plan.
You feel worthless? Work out why? Get rid of negative people in your life and work through these emotions. Volunteer for free helping the homeless or old people I assure you will get great satisfaction from this.
Someone hurt you in the past? Get counseling work through these emotions.
You feel pressured? Speak up at work and home, reduce your hour’s, make other people accountable and don’t take on all the load.
Don’t dwell in the past for tomorrow is a new day, forgive yourself we all make mistakes the best thing about making a mistake is not making it again and learning from it.
MY NAME IS LOSER, BUT I WILL EVENTUALLY BE A WINNER, I HAVE GAMBLED FOR AROUND 19 YEARS, I WANT TO STOP AND I WILL STOP, IT’S ONLY A MATTER OF TIME NOW.

BELIEVE
AIM
ACHIEVE
DAY 20
A waterfall is created from 1 drop.

NIK
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This is a rather defeatist attitude. If you don’t think you will ever stop then you won’t.
I am on day 124 now and although I know I will never be cured, as this is the longest I have gone without gambling in maybe twelve years it gives me the strength to continue to abstain.
There is no right and wrong answer and ultimately despite all the advice, books, etc, it comes down to one thing – willpower.

Yes it is extremely difficult to break the addiction, I should know, but the worst thing you can have is a defeatist attitude as though the bookies have you completely under their control – they haven’t, ultimately we are the ones who have have the control to let them starve!

Jane
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124 is great, Nik. Good job. :) You worried me for a bit there, I am glad you are well.

Andy
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Hi mat, totally agree with everything you say, I relapsed 2 days ago. Relapsed very bad, I’m never going to stop however much I want.
I wasn’t going to post either, didn’t want to bring people down but this is going to be my last post to this forum. No point in me being here if I’m honest, I know I’m gonna gamble again, when like you say I don’t know. Hope everyone keeps it up and good luck. Cya

Jane
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So sorry for your relapse, Andy. I understand the way you feel, relapse is the worst, but in a few days, your spirit will lift again. I felt so down after my relapse, I felt the need to blame others. It wasn’t others, it was me. We have a choice to gamble and we have to remember that we can choose not to. The best lessons are the harsh ones, Andy, and you and I, are all too familiar with these of late.
I think we are truly remarkable actually. We can be so down after we relapse and feel like it’s the end of the world, but then after a few days, we find ourselves forgetting the loss, smiling and joking again and this proves that we are much stronger, much more resilient than we think we are. It also speaks volumes about the way we really feel about life and about what really matters to us, because it tells us something about ourselves that we might not realise….that we care a lot less about the money than we actually think we do!

Our ability to forgive and forget defines us as human beings, and I have learnt to forgive myself for all my flaws, and when you can do this, Andy, you can find peace and acceptance and we need this in order to move on.
Allow yourself to be sad, and allow yourself to be mad, then draw a line and move on. Every day you don’t gamble is a good day and I really hope you can keep posting and try to see the good in what you do, every time you try.
Wishing you well, Andy.

loser
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Hi Andy,
Don’t go mate, we have to stick together if you hang around people who gamble chances are you will, if you hang around a crowd trying to stop chances are you will try and stop. As long as you TRY your winning, you may not see it now but in time you will. Have you implemented anything I advised or other’s have advised? How did you get access to money to gamble? What if you blocked access? I hope you change your mind and stick with us. I have relapsed so many time since being here but eventually all my work of:
1. Blocking access to money
2. Counselling
3. Starting a gym fitness program
4. Thinking about my urges and making a decision 20 minutes later whether i really want o gamble etc
All of my work will come together and pay off. Even though I replaced so many times this year I have saved a lot of money not gambling when i didn’t stop.
Stick around your better to keep trying than not try at all.

Kate
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99 days smoke free, 39 days gamble free …… I am pretty chuffed with myself ….but trying not to be complacent …if there’s one thing this site is teaching me, it’s to aim for one day at a time – every day gamble free is a small victory, and then the small victories add up. Anyone who is a smoker, or who has quit smoking will appreciate that this is a big victory too ….but the site isn’t called ‘rethinksmoking’, I just throw this one in as a kind of bonus ball! To be honest, the giving up smoking is harder for me – every day I miss it – particularly when I am outside gardening ( I’ll just dig this bit, and then have a ciggy break) …the reward connection is hard to break …but gambling had become such a dark experience for me – just desperate chasing losses, feeling in a state of complete despair …and this keeps me away from it. I agree with Duncan’s analysis of your situation Steve ….. any form of gambling triggers the dopamine release, and this is what keeps you hooked….so substituting a form of gambling that requires more skill is still a way of releasing dopamine …. you are,essentially, kidding yourself that you have switched to a less damaging form of the same drug ….. I tried this with gambling I suppose – ‘restricting’ myself to £500 quid a week – but it is still £500 a week ! Crazy distorted thinking …. £500 a week adds up to £26,000 a year! I have found counting the number of ciggies I would have smoked ( only 7 a day) ….but this is now 693 ciggies over 93 days …disgusting if you imagine these butt ends in a jar, with a bit of water added maybe ….think of the harm. We need to do the same thing with gambling – £500 a week doesn’t sound so bad, but £26,000 a year is crazy.

loser
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Congratulations Kate! I loved reading your post this morning, rethink smoking lol that’s funny! Very inspirational I think your on top of the leader board to reach 100 days!!!! Stay there!

Kate
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Hi Loser…thanks for your post – are you feeling better today? I hope so. All the best ….but remember what my husband says ” God is always waiting round the corner to smite you with a large kipper” …

Jane
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I’m really pleased for you, Kate. You are doing really great to give up both gambling and smoking. It’s a lovely sunny day here, and I am off out to enjoy some of it, before the showers come.
I saw in an earlier post that your husband is doing much better and I was really glad to hear that.
Hope you have a lovely weekend, Kate, and really well done to you for your efforts.
:)

Kate
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Thanks Jane …. I hope you are doing OK too? It was good to be able to mention my husband in context other than illness ,….he has just started re-engage with the world …… and he is feeling much better as a result. Still not 100%, but so much better – this is probably why I am feeling so much more positive too – it has been a difficult start to the year. We’ve been out gardening today – hard work, but satisfying. All the best to you

john
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Hi everbody and hi joanne i glad you reached 24 days gambling free so you can get a new platform heels 30cm you seen a good person lets kick gambling and dont forget getting the mega heels like( peahes pearl) see you all soon jane kate joanne mat loser carl and everybody in this good site and stay away from gambling

Kate
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A minor victory ….although i haven’t directly told my husband about my long spell of compulsive gambling, I have spoken to him about my feelings about the industry, and how games developers know exactly how the psychology of gambling works, and how to manipulate our responses, triggering addictive \compulsive patterns. Anyway, my husband, for a long time, has been on a panel of trustees from his old graduate business school. They give out a handful of scholarships to high-potential applicants who want to do an MBA. Yesterday, the panel met, and he told me last night who they had offered scholarships to , but how he had very firmly turned down a young man who worked for a successful off-shore casino …apparently, my husband asked him to justify his choice of career, on moral grounds ….and all the man could do was talk about how much money his company was making. He didn’t get the ‘moral’ bit at all. A lot of us have exceptional skills – writing, design and creativity , psychology, IT/programming, maths, finance …..but we also have a choice whether to put these skills to good or bad use. I was proud of my husband for the stance he took .

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